Of all the pointless and antiquated traditions humans infuriatingly continue to adhere to, shaking hands is probably the one I resent me the most. I’m not quite sure why I hate the idea of handshakes so much, and since it’d take more than a few sessions with a psychiatrist to figure it out, I’ll probably […]
It seems like all you ever hear about is how awful it is to get old. Back pain, high blood pressure, grey hair, rest homes, the inability to see or hear anything, heart attacks, and death (yawn) and just a few of the “negatives” which make aging seem less than desirable. But here’s what the […]
If you work in an office with a communal refrigerator, there’s a good chance that you (or someone you love) has been a victim of Lunch Theft. Those afflicted with Lunch Theft are often left feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, and even–somewhat bewilderingly–sexually aroused. But it is important for victims of Lunch Theft to remember […]
Whether you believe it in or not, there’s really no denying that The Bible contains some of the most amusingly vulgar material ever committed to paper. And while I’ve probably already covered “The Worst Of The Worst” (e.g. gang rape, unholy semen spillage, father-daughter incest, etc) in Part 1 Of My Biblical Filth Series, there […]
Recently I performed a search on the internet for “The Alphabet Of Swearing” in the hopes of finding a list of curse words beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Much to my surprise, aside from an article or two from websites somehow even shittier than this one, I came up emptyhanded. Needless to say, […]
When it comes to lame environmental superheroes, there few lamer than Captain Planet. Admittedly, this is mostly due to the fact that I can’t think of any other environmental superheroes and can’t be bothered to do any research, but it’s also because he’s a scantily-clad man with a green mullet whose only friends are the […]
There are plenty of misconceptions out there about Manga, but this is certainly not uncommon among the higher arts. In fact, when Opera first came on the scene in the early 1600s, it faced many the same criticisms that manga currently does: “Oh, I can’t understand what is happening,” “Why is everyone screaming?” “Is there […]
Having recently “reconnected” with many former highschool classmates online has led me to make a shocking discovery: Many of them appear to have chosen to have children. While I understand that the occasional “slip-up” can (and most certainly does) occur, the idea that two intelligent adults would conceive a child deliberately is beyond my comprehension. […]
The Christmas season has arrived once again, and we all know what that means…new gaming PCs! As you may well know, providing free tech support to those in need has always been a favorite pastime of mine, and seeing as my love of electronic devices is second only to my distrust of information published by […]
A recent Gallup pool found that a full 78% of Americans, upon hearing someone use the phrase “Let’s Touch Base”, are overcome by an uncontrollable urge to grit their teeth, wrap their fingers around the speaker’s neck, and squeeze until they hear the wet, satisfying pop of a crushed trachea. And who can blame them? […]
Let’s get one thing clear here: I’m not going to be insulting Florida as much as I did in My Tourists Guides For Other States. This is not because I have more respect for Florida than Idaho or Wyoming (although this is definitely the case), but because I am substantially less cool than Florida. See, […]
It has been said that if The Bible were to be faithfully adapted for the big screen, it would almost certainly be the most astonishingly obscene film ever made. I doubt that anyone who is familiar with The Written Word Of God would contest this. The subject matter of the Old Testament alone (with its […]