Recently I performed a search on the internet for “The Alphabet Of Swearing” in the hopes of finding a list of curse words beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Much to my surprise, aside from a couple of disappointing “Yahoo Answers” replies and an article or two from websites even shittier than this one, I came up emptyhanded.
Needless to say, I could not let this stand. A world in which a thoughtful list of curse-words for each letter of the alphabet did not exist somewhere on the internet was not a world in which I wanted to live.
This left me with two choices: I could either commit suicide, or create and publish the alphabet of swearing myself. So I decided to go with the list.
Note: I’ve refrained from resorting to racist, homosexual, or ethnic slurs wherever possible. Let me assure you that this was not done due to the “offensiveness” of these words. It’s just that the list would’ve been far too easy (and therefore significantly less fun) to compile were I to allow myself to employ hatespeech.
A Stupid, Incompetent, or Detestable Person
You some kind of an asshole or something?”
A Malicious, Spiteful, or Overbearing Woman
The Female Genital Organs (Or The Woman Attached To Them)
(UK) Slang For “Fucking”
To Engage In Coitus With —Sometimes Used Interjectionally With An Object
“Damnation” is the concept of condemnation by God resulting in a being’s punishment.
An Erection Of The Penis
To Ejaculate Into One’s Own Bladder
To Masturbate; Also “An Asshole”
(UK) Slang, “Penis”
(18th Century) To Fling or Launch Plague-Bearing Heaps of Male Genitalia Over The Battlements In Order To Excite or Dishearten An Entrenched Enemy*
One That Is Formidable, Contemptible, or Offensive
A Simpleton, Idiot, or Fool
Man Who Uses Coitus Interruptus As A Means of Birth Control; A Masturbator
A Spiteful or Contemptible Man (Often Having Some Authority)
(Old English) A Disreputable Woman; A Hussy or Prostitute
External Stimulation Of The Sphincter To Cause Sexual Arousal
Feces; The Act Of Defecation
Reasonably Offensive Term For A Woman (Or Her Vagina)
The Rump Of A Bird
Italian Slang Meaning “Go Fuck Yourself [In The Ass]”
Promiscuous Woman; Woman Who Engages In Sexual Acts For Money
“And so it was that the whore climbed up the escarpment, and raged until the coming of the dawn.”
Ill-Tempered or Shrewish Woman
Turkish Slang For Penis
1950s Slang For Female Genitalia
It smelled of honey, not of fleas; And down it I once lost my keys.
It parted once, and thenceforth flee’d; A fuzzy, buzzing, swarm of bees.
In all my years I’ve yet to see; A zatch as sweet as sweet Marie’s.”
Words: The Phrontistery
*Definition obviously false. Lobcock actually means “a stupid blundering person”