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The Cynical Tourist’s Guide To…Georgia

The American South has changed a great deal in recent years. What was once described by Harry S. Truman as “a festering pocket of indescribable filth and stroke-inducing poverty” is now home to a number of modern amenities, including schools, utility poles, and yes, even paved roads. But don’t be fooled into thinking that the […]

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George Lucas & The Mysterious Fungus

“What is it?” I asked, eying the large pile of dry brown plant matter uneasily.   “One can’t say for sure,” George muttered, scooping up a handful and dropping it into his mouth, “I came upon it while tilling the fields. It’s true origins remain shrouded in darkness.” He sputtered, swallowing.   I picked up […]

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4 Worthless Technologies of The Future

As of the time this is being written, the year is 2010. It is officially The Future. Not quite what you expected, right? From what I was told, by this time were supposed to have become a race of golden brown superhumans with cheap and easy access to all the sex goggles, synthetic tree bark, […]

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The Cynical Tourist’s Guide To…Alaska

From large groups of trees, to snow-capped mountains, to the ground under those mountains and trees, it’s fairly safe to say that Alaska has got it all. It’s a land of wonder, excitement, and adventure, where anything can, and will happen! Well…I’m being a bit generous. It’s probably more like a land of quiet bemusement, […]

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Terrible Films Made Beautiful: Deadly Prey

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Even More Cryptic & Beautiful Poetry From Spam Emails

A continuation of my hard-hitting look at the secret world of poetic spam emails. Meaning: I got a bunch more crazy spam emails. You may look at them and be moderately amused, if you wish.

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The Cynical [Chinese] Tourist’s Guide to…North Carolina

In the hopes of capturing the lucrative Chinese person market, I have written this article in Chinese. Any English speakers who wish to read about the wonderful tourist attractions North Carolina has to offer (of which there are many!) can either translate this article to English using the translation software of their choice or view […]

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The Cynical Tourist’s Guide to…North Carolina [English]

WHAT A BLAZES? NORTH CAROLINA! If you are from United States you think there is nothing but strange and sorrowful things in North Carolina. Well, I must tell you! Not true. It is where all the best happens. The province includes a number of activities. Such as the old China saying goes: Those who taught […]

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Review: Clash of the Titans 3D

By The Sentient Portrait of an Early 19th Century Gentleman Upon the morning’s first light, I vacated my diggings and pointed my velocipede towards the local theater, my intentions being to view the latest moving picture: Clash of the Titans. Upon my arrival I was put into a fine pucker upon discovering that a gape-mouthed […]