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CYOA Life of Crime

Work Yourself Into A Chaotic Frenzy

Your lust for power cannot be sated. You breathe out, and the group of gathered onlookers is suddenly enveloped in a purple mist. Soon you can hear them collapse to the ground, and you begin to feel their lifeforce flowing into you. A spectacular rush of adrenaline and euphoria widens your eyes, staggering you. “Such […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Apologize Sheepishly & Cast The Demons Back Into Hell

“Alright, alright, I’ll get rid of them. Jeepers.” You mutter, waving your hand in the air. Immediately the sky clears and the otherworldly creatures vanish into puffs of sulfurous smoke. The officers who had been battling the creatures stand dumbly for a few moments and then, shrugging, climb back into the few remaining squad cars […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Attempt To Break The World’s Record For Running

You decide to break the world’s record for running. Realizing you’ll need someone to witness this, you turn and sprint down the next dirt driveway you see and arrive at an old run-down farmhouse. An old man in coveralls sits on the front porch in a rocking chair with a large piece of grass in […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Get Rid Of All The Prickly Pods In The World

You decide to put an end to those little prickly pods once and for all. You blink twice and suddenly you feel sure that all the prickly pods in the world have vanished. You have to trust your instincts on this fact though, because by this time you’re well away from any heavily wooded areas […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Perform Mass Mind Control On The Audience & Cause Pandemonium

You fly up and land on the roof of the bank, turning around to face the assembled police and clear your throat in preparation for your speech. Secretly, you begin sprinkling invisible seeds of psychic disarray over the crowd from the skies. You talk and talk and talk, waiting for the psychic chaos seeds to […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Tell A Touching Story About An Old Man & The Starfish On The Beach

Kicking the man’s limp body aside, you step forward and clear your throat, gesturing for everyone to be seated. The policemen exchange glances and then settle obediently into the grass in front of you. You begin. “I was out walking along a beach at low tide when I came across an old man who was […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Open A Manhole To See If There Are Mutants In The Sewers

You gallop down the road towards the nearest town, your eyes scanning frantically for a manhole cover. Suddenly you spot one, heft it over your head, and fling it off into a ditch. You jump down the hole. Once inside you hitch up your belt and begin walking down the tunnel. You travel for what […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Hop A Passing Freight Train & Ride The Rails

“Life on the rails is the life for me!” you cry, clicking your heels and making for the train tracks. Eventually you hear the chugging of an engine up ahead. You grin and increase your pace, weaving delicately through trees and leaping into an open boxcar with a whoop. You come sliding in and come […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Create A Giant Zeppelin & Fly It Around The World Spreading Love & Good Cheer To All

“Yes!” you cry, “I can do it, if only I believe in myself!” You extend your fingers and spread your arms wide, and you begin to spin. You gather everything from miles around: You swoop up the trees and the dirt and the grass, the cars and people and woodland animals, you gather bricks and […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Adapt West Side Story Using The Cops As Human Puppets

You gesture grandly and the officers leap to attention. A crowd of curious bank tellers has gathered, and settles in the grass nearby to watch. You can’t quite remember how West Side Story starts, so you decide to just have the cops prance gracefully about the parking lot performing various tricks while “Maria” blares from […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Wander Around Committing Random Acts Of Senseless Violence

You figure you’ve reached a point in your life where it’s alright to indulge in a little violence. You look out over the crowd of police officers and bystanders and squint at them while holding your fingers near your eye and pretending to crush their heads, causing each of their heads to explode messily. You […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Bring About A Flood To Wash Away The Sin Of Man

After weighing the various options available to you, you decide a great flood would be sort of neat. You leap up and sit with your legs hanging off the roof of the bank and begin the incantations. Upon finishing, you sit kicking your feet and looking bored. In a couple of hours you begin to […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Revel In The Chaos

“More! More! More!” you cry gleefully, jumping up and down and waving your arms in the air. Huge bolts of lightning strike viciously at the fields of illegal marijuana which surround the bank, kindling flame in the tall dry grasses and filling the air with billowing clouds of hallucinogenic smog. The skies are filled with […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Grab The Cash & Get The Hell Out Of There

“Screw this,” you mutter. “What’s that?” The bank robber asks, turning towards you. “Oh sorry, it wasn’t anything,” you say, adding, “I was just talking to myself.” “Mm.” He replies, looking troubled. “I, uh, forgot something in my car,” you say, slowly backing towards the corner of the building. The robber narrows his eyes, scowling […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Command Him To Blow His Own Brains Out

Your eyes filled with hatred and metaphorical flame, you reach into the criminal’s mind and give him the command to blow his own head off. He stands for a moment, as if processing the order. “Error. The First Law of Robotics states that no robot shall destroy itself, even if ordered by his master.” He […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Command Him To Shoot At The Cops To Cover Your Escape

You reach deeply into the criminal’s mind; into his very essence. Once inside, you flip a couple brain switches and transform him into an unthinking murderer. You also decide to have a little fun and decide it would be neat to have him shout in German while he’s killing. You figure since he doesn’t really […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Forget The Man & Create A Fun Party For The Police

Tightening your grip on the man’s throat, you whoop and swing him into the air. “Halt!” cry the police officers, “Drop him go or we’ll fire!” You hurl the surprised bank robber easily up onto the roof. You hear gunshots and bullets piff into the ground nearby. Shaking your head you get to your feet […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Toss The Bank Robber At The Police Chopper

You visualize the criminal’s body in your mind’s eye, and then imagine it lifting from the ground. You hear a shout, and look up to see him hovering there in front of you, kicking his feet. “Now fly my monkeys, fly!” you cry, swinging your arm towards the chopper. As if attached to some invisible […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Conjure Some Otherworldly Creatures From Thin Air

You take a step back and crouch low to the ground, pressing your palms together above your head. Your pupils whiten and the air pressure in the area seems to drop. The sky takes on a deep purplish hue, and blood red storm clouds roll in from all directions, blotting out what remains of the […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Try To Use Mind Control Powers On Him

You close your eyes and place two fingers to your forehead for effect. You then point the open palm of your other hand towards the man. “Ohhhaammayammmooohhamnnn.” You say, spouting the first gibberish that comes into your head. “What the hell is this crap?” the man says. “Mine mine mine mine, your mind is mine.” […]