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HOW TO BE POSSESSED BY A DEMON

We are all of us haunted by demons. Most of these demons are trivial, figurative demons (like self-doubt or chronic alcoholism), but this is not the only type of demon. No, there also exists a significantly less benign demon: Evil spirits who seize control of our bodies and bend them to the Archfiend’s will. This […]

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HOW TO SURVIVE A TORNADO

Summer: We all know it’s a season, but what some of us may not realize is that with it comes the threat of deadly tornadoes. These whirling dervishes of destruction may seem cute and cuddly at first, but rest assured: They’re no laughing matter. Unlike other types of weather, a tornado has little regard for […]

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10 PICKUP LINES GUARANTEED TO INDUCE WOMEN TO ENGAGE IN CONSENSUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOU

  It’s no secret that I’m a something of a “lady’s man”. Any time I leave the house, an all-female sex riot never fails to break-out. Elderly women whip flashdrives filled with homemade pornography at me from passing senior citizen mobility buses, and young girls fling themselves nude and shrieking from suspension bridges and balconies […]

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THE 2014 HOLIDAY INTERNET GUIDE TO PRODUCTS ONE COULD HYPOTHETICALLY PURCHASE AS GIFTS FOR OTHERS IF ONE WERE SO INCLINED

  It goes without saying that time of year my inbox is practically overflowing with holiday-centric electronic mail. Sure, I still get the occasional fan letter (“Why do you hate me because I’m fat?”, “Like to  meet booted  and  gay  gloved  cops”, “what do you think about a game like socom ,is it ok to […]

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KIDZ KORNER: FIRE SAFETY TIPS FOR UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARDS

  Burglar. Chrome. Governor. Dispassionate. Leathery. Crouching. Molybdenum. Horatio. Turtleneck. What do these words have in common? You guessed it: None of them would ever be used to describe the aftermath of a devastating fire. Another thing you don’t often hear after a fire is “Boy, that small child was sure a big help during […]

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ENGLISH AMERICA LEARNING GUIDE FOR TEACH THE COMPUTER

  Greeting to student staff and business professional. So many of you are here today. Woah! I am welcoming you to class of Beginning Computing. Object of class is learn use of microchip computer for twenty century workplace. We all know of microprocessor computer, but do we know each part and piece that make it […]

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5 Sex Tips For Women Who Have Sex With Men

  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from inadvertently catching a glimpse of the cover stories of various women’s magazines while waiting for dental appointments, it’s this: When it comes to sex, men are extremely difficult to please. Don’t be discouraged if this sounds preposterous to you. Most revolutionary ideas seem this way at first, […]

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A Casually Dismissive History of Handheld Game Consoles

  Many people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such as these. But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote was as large as a coffee table! […]

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Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn’t See On A First Date

  Recently, I performed an internet search for “Worst First Date Movies”. I did this because, at the time, I was interested in reading a list of offensive or controversial films which might make for awkward first-date viewing. Unfortunately, none of the articles I managed to find fit this description.   Some were simply lists […]

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Trivial Things That Bother Me Far More Than They Should

  A lot of people will tell you that to be successful as a writer, that you should always “Write What You Know.” Depending on which writers you talk to, this idea is either lifechangingly brilliant, or pure, unadulterated, greeting card bullshit. I guess I’d say I stand somewhere in the middle.   I will […]