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10 PICKUP LINES GUARANTEED TO INDUCE WOMEN TO ENGAGE IN CONSENSUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOU

  It’s no secret that I’m a something of a “lady’s man”. Any time I leave the house, an all-female sex riot never fails to break-out. Elderly women whip flashdrives filled with homemade pornography at me from passing senior citizen mobility buses, and young girls fling themselves nude and shrieking from suspension bridges and balconies […]

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CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE: POETRY EDITION: ROBERT FROST EDITION

  Tell me, friend: Are you BORED of traditional poetry? Have you grown TIRED of rhyme, meter, and verse? Do you sometimes FLY into howling rages and embark upon methamphetamine-fueled, multistate child-disembowelment sprees upon discovering poetry books on your bookshelf? If so, then listen closely, because I’m about to share a revolutionary, lifechanging product that […]