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Worthless Guide to a Life Of Crime

Have you ever wanted to quit your job, leave your family behind, and take up a life of crime? I know I haven’t, but that’s only because I’ve got a lovely girlish face and am deathly afraid of the attention I would no doubt receive if incarcerated. But few people are as cowardly as me, […]

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…And Crackling Skies of Contumacious Flame

It begins with a match. A spark. Birthed of sulfur it sputters and burns. Bringing the spreading smoke. Down into throats and lungs; burning and clogging and choking and squeezing. Searing rains of black ash fill skies; simmering and grey with death. Somewhere, in the cold dark, a child screams. Flames creep from the corners […]

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Snapple Facts: Classic

Snapple brand drink is a very popular drink. There are fun facts on the caps of Snapple brand drinks. Here are some of my favorite fun facts from the caps of Snapple brand drinks. If Snapple sees this: Hands off. These are my own ideas. Don’t you dare try putting them on your Snapple website […]

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Worthless Guide to Social Graces – Part 3: More Table Manners

Alright, I figured I had better continue my series on social graces around the world because I hear some of you people are still being very impolite. I heard one guy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand while breakfasting in Bolivia, and another set his fork down parallel to the table (instead […]

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Attention: Graduation!

Southern Stereotype Graduation Itinerary Where – Captured Injun Memorial Arena Day – When Schoolins done When – 5 Hours Afore the Witchin Hour