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Guide Junk

I Hereby Grant You Permission To Chase Waterfalls

Heed not the warnings of early 90s R&B groups. Waterfalls were placed on this earth by Our Lord God for one reason and one reason only: To be pursued. I realize that many of you may have a strong inclination towards sticking to the rivers and the lakes to which you have grown accustomed, but what […]

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Reviews

Product Review: 12000 Trichogramma Pretiosum Eggs

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this box of organically protected Trichogramma parasite larvae is a must buy for those whose plans for world domination hinge on the cultivation and subsequent release of thousands of tiny Hymenopteran insects. Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you for a fact that it is […]

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Reviews

Product Review: All That The Rain Promises And More…

The old “don’t judge a book by its cover” adage has never made much sense to me. You can tell a lot about a book like this one by looking at the cover. I mean, any idiot could see that it’s a field guide for picking wild mushrooms which was written by an impish trombone […]

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Guide

Myths, Lies, & Freedom: Why Bottled Water Is Superior To Tap Water

The more observant among you may have noticed that there has been a fairly extreme smear campaign launched against bottled water by Big Government and the leftist newsmedia of late. This comes as no surprise, as the ability to purchase and casually discard nonbiodegradable plastic receptacles is one of the few personal freedoms which remain […]

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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

The Inexplicably Insulting Tourist’s Guide To…Wisconsin

There’s something about crossing the border from Minnesota into Wisconsin which has always unsettled me. The feeling would probably best characterized as crushing despair tinged with an oppressive pastoral loneliness. It isn’t necessarily that the scenery itself is different, it’s more of a vague feeling…as if the sadness of its residents has somehow seeped into […]

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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

View All Inexplicably Insulting Tourist Guides

1. North Dakota 2. Idaho 3. North Carolina 4. Alaska 5. Georgia 6. New York 7. Wisconsin 8. California 9. Wyoming 10. Florida 11. Coming Soon… 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Work Yourself Into A Chaotic Frenzy

Your lust for power cannot be sated. You breathe out, and the group of gathered onlookers is suddenly enveloped in a purple mist. Soon you can hear them collapse to the ground, and you begin to feel their lifeforce flowing into you. A spectacular rush of adrenaline and euphoria widens your eyes, staggering you. “Such […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Apologize Sheepishly & Cast The Demons Back Into Hell

“Alright, alright, I’ll get rid of them. Jeepers.” You mutter, waving your hand in the air. Immediately the sky clears and the otherworldly creatures vanish into puffs of sulfurous smoke. The officers who had been battling the creatures stand dumbly for a few moments and then, shrugging, climb back into the few remaining squad cars […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Get Rid Of All The Prickly Pods In The World

You decide to put an end to those little prickly pods once and for all. You blink twice and suddenly you feel sure that all the prickly pods in the world have vanished. You have to trust your instincts on this fact though, because by this time you’re well away from any heavily wooded areas […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Choose Your Own…Story…Thing: A Life Of Crime

It is a particularly fine summer evening. You are taking a shortcut through a field of wheat, on the way to your job at the bank. Suddenly you feel a tremendous pressure in your eardrums and a white light envelops you. You are lifted, struggling, into the belly of a spacecraft. An alien approaches and […]

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Junk List

Top 10 Rock & Roll Albums of All Time

  Those of you who know me best will agree that I have one passion and one passion only: Rock & Roll. My naughtiest fantasy is to climb into a hotrod, crank up my fave rock radio station to full, and cruise down the coast, honking at thick & juicy honeys while bobbing my head […]