When it comes to toys, children have ridiculously low standards. A kid will play with anything. If you don’t believe me, pick up any random object (a discarded syringe, a handful of broken glass, a bunch of loose change clumped together because someone spilled syrup or something in the cup holder) and hand it […]
Many people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such as these. But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote was as large as a coffee table! Retail […]
Like many of my fellow Brothers In Christ, I was shocked, saddened, and outraged when I heard that the US Government was going to allow the new megaviolent animated videogame Bulletstorm to be released. This comes even after Child Advocate and Actual Medical Doctor Carole Lieberman (in an interview on Fox News) proved conclusively that […]
In 1997, the PC game Fallout was released. Its violently cynical godless worldview easily captivated hundreds of gaming atheists, and spawned numerous (and similarly detestable) sequels, the latest of which is entitled Fallout: New Vegas. In the article that follows, this reviewer will be taking a look at the world of New Vegas from a […]
Like the other books in the “Guides For Dating A Stereotype” series (other titles include “Japanese Women: They’ll Do What You Say”, “Indian Men: The Tech-Savvy Jewels of The East”, and Black Chicks: As Is The Case With People of Any Race, Some of Them Might Occasionally Be Loud or Outspoken And if You’re The […]
As an officially licenced and bonded FST (Fence, Scaffold, and Tenting) contractor, I can tell you that without a doubt, a man’s success in the FST industry is almost wholly dependant on his understanding of wood poles, piles, and posts more than 15 feet in length owned and treated with pentachlorophenol by the same establishment. […]
Rejoice, mindless Coca-Cola enthusiasts, for your salvation has arrived. Because now, thanks to whomever the fuck Kurt Adler is, you may now purchase (for the low low price of 25 American Freedom Dollars) a set of plastic string lights in the shape of soft drink cans. These specially designed light sources are 100% guaranteed not […]
Is the Q-Link Pendant some ingenious scam, or do magical mass-produced pendants with the ability to fight off diseases using invisible & unmeasurable fields actually exist? These are the sorts of questions I often find myself asking after receiving several blows to the head with an industrial-grade titanium girder. Of course I don’t mean to […]
Whether they’re being subjected to perfectly acceptable physical abuse for failing to have your dinner ready on time, conforming to misogynistic stereotypes about driving ability, or drowning their infant children in the bathtub due to severe postpartum depression and psychosis, women can be a real handful! But luckily the geniuses at Taipei Novelty Product Production […]
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this box of organically protected Trichogramma parasite larvae is a must buy for those whose plans for world domination hinge on the cultivation and subsequent release of thousands of tiny Hymenopteran insects. Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you for a fact that it is […]
The old “don’t judge a book by its cover” adage has never made much sense to me. You can tell a lot about a book like this one by looking at the cover. I mean, any idiot could see that it’s a field guide for picking wild mushrooms which was written by an impish trombone […]
I’ve always been a big fan of As Seen On TV gadgets. Not in a “wow, this stuff is actually pretty cool and useful” sort of way though. It’s more like an “Oh my god, this is the most hilarious piece of shit I have ever seen, I can’t even believe it” kind of thing. […]