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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

The Cynical Tourist’s Guide To…Wyoming

While researching this guide, I tried my hardest to find a comprehensive list of “interesting” tourist attractions in Wyoming. It should come as no surprise that I was spectacularly unsuccessful. In fact, even when I lowered my criteria from “interesting tourist attractions” to “stupid tourist attractions which seem worthy of insincere derision” I still came […]

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Guide

How To Fight Terrorism

Consider this: One out of every four people will be a victim of terrorism their lifetime. And though this statistic may have just been made up by me, one cannot deny that it is extremely troubling. But never fear: Because I, and I alone, have discovered the secret to eradicating terrorism. I am fully prepared […]

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Guide

Cool Baby Names For Cool Babies

Choosing the proper name for a newborn child is no easy task. If you choose something too common, your kid may turn out to be a dimwittedly successful but utterly joyless human being like George “The Miser” Lucas, Jay “Lowest-Common-Denominator” Leno, or Steven “I’m Seriously A Real Cop” Seagal. But if you pick something too […]

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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

Inexplicably Insulting Tourist’s Guide To…California

When people think of California, they often think of brownouts, laughably overpriced homes, women in thongs accumulating malignant melanomas on beaches, and endless lakes of fire choked with the tormented souls of the damned, whose shrieks of agony will haunt your dreams for all eternity.¬†Come to think of it, that last one might not be […]

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Guide

Guide: Boosting Your Self-Esteem

Like many people, I was, at one time, afflicted with crippling self-esteem issues. In the end, it was only through hard work, perseverance, intellectual dishonesty, and the gleeful exploitation of those less fortunate was I finally able to achieve something resembling inner-peace. So seeing as I have some experience in the field, I figured I’d […]

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Guide Junk

I Hereby Grant You Permission To Chase Waterfalls

Heed not the warnings of early 90s R&B groups. Waterfalls were placed on this earth by Our Lord God for one reason and one reason only: To be pursued. I realize that many of you may have a strong inclination towards¬†sticking to the rivers and the lakes to which you have grown accustomed, but what […]

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Guide

Myths, Lies, & Freedom: Why Bottled Water Is Superior To Tap Water

The more observant among you may have noticed that there has been a fairly extreme smear campaign launched against bottled water by Big Government and the leftist newsmedia of late. This comes as no surprise, as the ability to purchase and casually discard nonbiodegradable plastic receptacles is one of the few personal freedoms which remain […]

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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

The Inexplicably Insulting Tourist’s Guide To…Wisconsin

There’s something about crossing the border from Minnesota into Wisconsin which has always unsettled me. The feeling would probably best characterized as crushing despair tinged with an oppressive pastoral loneliness. It isn’t necessarily that the scenery itself is different, it’s more of a vague feeling…as if the sadness of its residents has somehow seeped into […]

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Guide Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide

View All Inexplicably Insulting Tourist Guides

1. North Dakota 2. Idaho 3. North Carolina 4. Alaska 5. Georgia 6. New York 7. Wisconsin 8. California 9. Wyoming 10. Florida 11. Coming Soon… 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. […]