When people think of California, they often think of brownouts, laughably overpriced homes, women in thongs accumulating malignant melanomas on beaches, and endless lakes of fire choked with the tormented souls of the damned, whose shrieks of agony will haunt your dreams for all eternity. Come to think of it, that last one might not be […]
Like many people, I was, at one time, afflicted with crippling self-esteem issues. In the end, it was only through hard work, perseverance, intellectual dishonesty, and the gleeful exploitation of those less fortunate was I finally able to achieve something resembling inner-peace. So seeing as I have some experience in the field, I figured I’d […]
Heed not the warnings of early 90s R&B groups. Waterfalls were placed on this earth by Our Lord God for one reason and one reason only: To be pursued. I realize that many of you may have a strong inclination towards sticking to the rivers and the lakes to which you have grown accustomed, but what […]
The more observant among you may have noticed that there has been a fairly extreme smear campaign launched against bottled water by Big Government and the leftist newsmedia of late. This comes as no surprise, as the ability to purchase and casually discard nonbiodegradable plastic receptacles is one of the few personal freedoms which remain […]
There’s something about crossing the border from Minnesota into Wisconsin which has always unsettled me. The feeling would probably best characterized as crushing despair tinged with an oppressive pastoral loneliness. It isn’t necessarily that the scenery itself is different, it’s more of a vague feeling…as if the sadness of its residents has somehow seeped into […]
When I was a kid I would often refer to North Dakota as “The Boring Dakota”. Now that I am older (and slightly wiser) I see how wrong I really was. North Dakota couldn’t possibly be the boring Dakota because both Dakotas are the boring Dakota. South Dakota is only given a pass because it […]
Do nerds still exist? I would propose that they do, in a sense. They’ve [d]evolved from their gentle pocket-protector-wearing, dungeons-and-dragons-playing origins into something far more sinister. The internet has given them a voice. A place from which they can rail against The World Which Has Abandoned Them without fear of reprisal. The nerd is the […]
Let’s say you are accused of murdering a young girl. Forget about whether you are innocent. What would you do? Think long and hard about it. Those of you who have seen the The Fugitive will know that being accused of crime is no laughing matter. Every year thousands of Americans are being falsely accused […]
If you watch daytime television, you’ve almost certainly seen some of the many advertisements for various technical colleges. Many of these schools claim to be able to educate you in the field of “private investigation”. This is false. Technical colleges have never been accredited in the field of private investigation. Such programs are scams and […]