Man ask Grobnar to tell about things he find all around. Man say Grobnar talk about thing and tell how he use thing. Also he say Grobnar say if thing is good or bad. Grobnar no know why but man say he give Grobnar mammal meat if Grobnar do this. So Grobnar think he help. […]
Helping one another is what keeps communities strong. If you happen to see your elderly neighbor struggling to carry a bag of groceries up her stairs you, obviously you’re going to stop and help. There are a number of moral reasons for this, but since I can’t think of any specific ones right now you’ll […]
I don’t even know what number in the Animal Awards series this article will be. Is it the 6th? 8th? It’s a mystery. But there are many more species to give worst-of awards to; I can’t stop to check now, so let’s just say this is the 9th in an infinite part series. In this […]
I’d estimate that 60% of stores in most malls are almost completely worthless. Footlocker? Not even close to being needed. The Original Mattress Factory? Total crap. Bath & Body Works? Please! What a joke. All of these places could disappear overnight and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference in anyone’s lives. In fact, the […]
I have a rule that I don’t start an article with pointless, seminonsensical puns. For example, if I were writing about those games at arcades which give out tickets it might’ve been something like: “Sometimes making children feel like winners is ‘Just the Ticket’ for someone who wants to succeed in the arcade business!” or […]
I’m going to say something that I’m pretty sure has never been said before: Girlscout cookies are highly overrated. I’m not saying they’re bad, in fact I don’t mind eating them at all. As far as cookies go, I’d even rate most of them as slightly above average. But OH NO, that’s not NEARLY good […]
Dinosaurs count as animals, don’t they? I’m fairly sure they do. Well, it doesn’t really matter because I’m just about to call out the worst of them. Animals or not, some dinosaurs are about to be pissed off. I don’t even care either; I’m tough. I tell it like it is, and if some random […]
I recently picked up this catalog at my grandma’s house. I’m not exactly sure what the theme of it is supposed to be. The cover claims that the publishers are “The Home Cleaning Experts”, so I thought it might be selling cleaning supplies, but then I looked inside and I couldn’t really find any cleaning […]
How much do you know about guns? Probably a lot, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if that was your answer, even if it isn’t true. There’s no shame in it, but it’s important to know one’s limitations. Especially when it comes to guns. In many respects, using a gun is similar to having sex: You […]
Alright, let’s be completely honest here: This is no longer a series dedicated to recognizing the achievements of animals. This is not by design; it’s just the way it happened to play out. See, animals (even fictional ones) almost never do anything worthwhile. What’s the point of commending the best of the worst? There isn’t […]
What would the world be like if we only did good things for others? Would it be a better place to live? These are the questions I often ask myself as I callously brush past a homeless person on the street or gleefully cut someone off in heavy traffic. I never seem to get an […]
By Martin “The Baron” Russmier Recently I paid a visit to my local electronics store. After browsing for a short time, I approached one of the employees, a young urban youth (he was white in case you’re planning to call me a racialist) to ask if they carried the boxed set of the original Batman […]