Many hurtful things have been said about security guards over the years: They’re nothing but uneducated whiteboys on a power trip! They’re lazy bigots who couldn’t cut it as cops! All they do is sit at a desk all day popping pills and fondling themselves gently while frowning at a dog-eared and slightly moist copy […]
Did you know that Snapple now has a line of fruit drinks for children? Instead of having “fun facts” under the caps, they feature a number of child safety tips. Here are some suggestions I have for extra tips that might help a kid out. Once again, Snapple had better not try to steal these […]
Have you ever wanted to quit your job, leave your family behind, and take up a life of crime? I know I haven’t, but that’s only because I’ve got a lovely girlish face and am deathly afraid of the attention I would no doubt receive if incarcerated. But few people are as cowardly as me, […]
It begins with a match. A spark. Birthed of sulfur it sputters and burns. Bringing the spreading smoke. Down into throats and lungs; burning and clogging and choking and squeezing. Searing rains of black ash fill skies; simmering and grey with death. Somewhere, in the cold dark, a child screams. Flames creep from the corners […]
Snapple brand drink is a very popular drink. There are fun facts on the caps of Snapple brand drinks. Here are some of my favorite fun facts from the caps of Snapple brand drinks. If Snapple sees this: Hands off. These are my own ideas. Don’t you dare try putting them on your Snapple website […]
Alright, I figured I had better continue my series on social graces around the world because I hear some of you people are still being very impolite. I heard one guy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand while breakfasting in Bolivia, and another set his fork down parallel to the table (instead […]
Southern Stereotype Graduation Itinerary Where – Captured Injun Memorial Arena Day – When Schoolins done When – 5 Hours Afore the Witchin Hour
I now continue with part 2 of Dating DOs and DON’Ts. Part 1 is HERE, but I don’t imagine you care. This time we’ll cover picking up women at weddings and at bars and things of this nature. Have a good time kids.
In this issue of Sainted / Tainted we’ve only printed letters from war veterans. Theirs are a voice which is often lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Please take some time out of your day to visit a war veteran or something. Nah, I changed my mine. It doesn’t really matter.
Greetings and saltations friends. This is your friend The Baron here with another update for you. What was this update sparked by you might ask? Well first of all it is my love of the written word. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than knowing my writing is bringing joy to thousands of people on the […]
It seems to me that a lot of men are having trouble asking women out these days. Perhaps it’s our reliance on all these fancy new myspaces and craigslists and Billy Dee Williams dot coms and National Screaming Eagle Alliance of White Power Lovemeet forums; I’m not sure. But what I am sure of is […]
Hello and welcome to part two in our one part series: “Ten Things to do Before you Die”. In PART ONE we let three lovely people give us their list of the top ten things that everyone should do before they die, and wouldn’t you know it? This section features more of the same crap. […]