Author: K

I’d estimate that 60% of stores in most malls are almost completely worthless. Footlocker? Not even close to being needed. The Original Mattress Factory? Total crap. Bath & Body Works? Please! What a joke. All of these places could disappear overnight and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference in anyone’s lives. In fact, the […]

I have a rule that I don’t start an article with pointless, seminonsensical puns. For example, if I were writing about those games at arcades which give out tickets it might’ve been something like: “Sometimes making children feel like winners is ‘Just the Ticket’ for someone who wants to succeed in the arcade business!” or […]

I’m going to say something that I’m pretty sure has never been said before: Girlscout cookies are highly overrated. I’m not saying they’re bad, in fact I don’t mind eating them at all. As far as cookies go, I’d even rate most of them as slightly above average. But OH NO, that’s not NEARLY good […]

Dinosaurs count as animals, don’t they? I’m fairly sure they do. Well, it doesn’t really matter because I’m just about to call out the worst of them. Animals or not, some dinosaurs are about to be pissed off. I don’t even care either; I’m tough. I tell it like it is, and if some random […]

I recently picked up this catalog at my grandma’s house. I’m not exactly sure what the theme of it is supposed to be. The cover claims that the publishers are “The Home Cleaning Experts”, so I thought it might be selling cleaning supplies, but then I looked inside and I couldn’t really find any cleaning […]

How much do you know about guns? Probably a lot, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if that was your answer, even if it isn’t true. There’s no shame in it, but it’s important to know one’s limitations. Especially when it comes to guns. In many respects, using a gun is similar to having sex: You […]

Alright, let’s be completely honest here: This is no longer a series dedicated to recognizing the achievements of animals. This is not by design; it’s just the way it happened to play out. See, animals (even fictional ones) almost never do anything worthwhile. What’s the point of commending the best of the worst? There isn’t […]

What would the world be like if we only did good things for others? Would it be a better place to live? Probably. Today’s Sainted/Tainted features annoying ringtones, poorly-made cookies, heart attacks, and the Renaissance Festival. Sainted The teens who stole my son’s backpack from him at the bus stop yesterday morning. The bag contained […]

By Martin “The Baron” Russmier Recently I paid a visit to my local electronics store. After browsing for a short time, I approached one of the employees, a young urban youth (he was white in case you’re planning to call me a racialist) to ask if they carried the boxed set of the original Batman […]

It’s surprising how many people actually believe in Bigfoot. They believe that he exists, they believe actual recordings have been made of him, and many of them claim to have seen him snowboarding in the mountains or something. And while the vast majority of these claims are likely just the insane ramblings of pie-eyed Catskill […]

The history books are filled with famous mice and rats. Well maybe not the REAL history books. The television and film history books probably are though. But here’s an interesting question for you: Does the fact that these famous rodents are fictional make them any less important in our modern society? I would assume the […]

Oftentimes I laugh aloud as I read the Sainted/Tainted portion of the newspaper. I think this is because I am a bad person. I enjoy seeing ordinary people’s petty annoyances and meaningless good deeds splayed across the page as if they are somehow important. I laugh because they are not. I laugh and I laugh […]