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Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn’t See On A First Date

  Recently, I performed an internet search for “Worst First Date Movies”. I did this because, at the time, I was interested in reading a list of offensive or controversial films which might make for awkward first-date viewing. Unfortunately, none of the articles I managed to find fit this description.   Some were simply lists […]

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Trivial Things That Bother Me Far More Than They Should

  A lot of people will tell you that to be successful as a writer, that you should always “Write What You Know.” Depending on which writers you talk to, this idea is either lifechangingly brilliant, or pure, unadulterated, greeting card bullshit. I guess I’d say I stand somewhere in the middle.   I will […]

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Christian Videogame Review: Bulletstorm

  Like many of my fellow Brothers In Christ, I was shocked, saddened, and outraged when I heard that the US Government was going to allow the new megaviolent animated videogame Bulletstorm to be released. This comes even after Child Advocate and Actual Medical Doctor Carole Lieberman (in an interview on Fox News) proved conclusively […]

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Top 10 Reasons Why Top 10 Lists Are So Popular

  Depending on who you ask, the growing popularity of “Top 10” articles on the internet is either A. The surest proof that humankind is becoming steadily dumber and a troubling harbinger of the coming Idiocracy, or B. Pretty neat because they are fun and looking at numbered things is easier than reading words in […]

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How To Avoid Shaking Hands

  Of all the pointless and antiquated traditions humans infuriatingly continue to adhere to, shaking hands is probably the one I resent me the most. I’m not quite sure why I hate the idea of handshakes so much, and since it’d take more than a few sessions with a psychiatrist to figure it out, I’ll […]

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7 Reasons Getting Old Is Great

  It seems like all you ever hear about is how awful it is to get old. Back pain, high blood pressure, grey hair, rest homes, the inability to see or hear anything, heart attacks, and death (yawn) and just a few of the “negatives” which make aging seem less than desirable.   But here’s […]

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7 Substances With Which You Could Theoretically Poison A Coworker Who Has Been Stealing Your Food

  If you work in an office with a communal refrigerator, there’s a good chance that you (or someone you love) has been a victim of Lunch Theft. Those afflicted with Lunch Theft are often left feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, and even–somewhat bewilderingly–sexually aroused. But it is important for victims of Lunch Theft to remember […]

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5 (More) Hilariously Obscene Biblical Passages

  Whether you believe it in or not, there’s really no denying that The Bible contains some of the most amusingly vulgar material ever committed to paper.   And while I’ve probably already covered “The Worst Of The Worst” (e.g. gang rape, unholy semen spillage, father-daughter incest, etc) in Part 1 Of My Biblical Filth […]

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The Alphabet Of Swearing

    Recently I performed a search on the internet for “The Alphabet Of Swearing” in the hopes of finding a list of curse words beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Much to my surprise, aside from a couple of disappointing “Yahoo Answers” replies and an article or two from websites even shittier than […]

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Captain Planet is a Piece of Shit

When it comes to indescribably lame environmental superheroes, there few lamer than Captain Planet. Admittedly, this is mostly due to the fact that I can’t think of any other environmental superheroes and can’t be bothered to do any research, but it’s also because he’s a scantily-clad man with a green mullet whose only friends are […]

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FAQ: The Wonderful World Of Manga

  Obviously there are plenty of misconceptions out there about Manga, but this is certainly not uncommon among the higher arts. In fact, when Opera first came on the scene in the early 1600s, it faced many the same criticisms that manga currently does: “Oh, I can’t understand what is happening,” “Why is everyone screaming?” […]

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FAQ: How To Be A Hugely Irresponsible Parent

  Having recently “reconnected” with many former highschool classmates online has led me to make a shocking discovery: Many of them appear to have chosen to have children. While I understand that the occasional “slip-up” can (and most certainly does) occur, the idea that two intelligent adults would conceive a child deliberately is beyond my […]

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The Christian Guide To Building A Gaming PC

  The Christmas season has arrived once again, and we all know what that means…new gaming PCs! As you may well know, providing free tech support to those in need has always been a favorite pastime of mine, and seeing as my love of electronic devices is second only to my distrust of information published […]

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Shitty Business Cliches That Are Shitty

  A recent Gallup pool found that a full 78% of Americans, upon hearing someone use the phrase “Let’s Touch Base”, are overcome by an uncontrollable urge to grit their teeth, wrap their fingers around the speaker’s neck, and squeeze until they hear the wet, satisfying pop of a crushed trachea.   And who can […]

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Inexplicably Insulting Tourist’s Guide to..Florida

  Let’s get one thing clear here: I’m not going to be insulting Florida as much as I did in My Tourists Guides For Other States. This is not because I have more respect for Florida than Idaho or Wyoming (although this is definitely the case), but because I am substantially less cool than Florida. […]

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5 Surprisingly Obscene Bible Stories

  It has been said that if The Bible were to be faithfully adapted for the big screen, it would almost certainly be the most astonishingly obscene film ever made. I doubt that anyone who is familiar with The Written Word Of God would contest this. The subject matter of the Old Testament alone (with […]

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5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc

  Ray Kroc the ruthless entrepreneur often held responsible for the success of McDonalds, gets a lot of posthumous respect, and frankly, as someone who worked at McDonald’s when I was a teenager, this really pisses me off.   What’s so bad about Ray Kroc? Here’s one example: He is said to have coined the […]

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The Casually Dismissive Guide To Outdoor Activities

  I’m not exactly someone you would describe as the “outdoorsy type”. I’m really more of a “comes as close to hating nature as one can without actually hating it” type, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don’t have any problem with the outdoors IN THEORY, but in practice it’s always just so […]

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Worthless Guide To Monsters: Medusas & Minotaurs

  A year or two ago, I finished up My Series of Monster Guides by posting a terrible article about the Jersey Devil I had carelessly dashed off in an afternoon. This has always bothered me. Surely this was no way to treat a mildly entertaining series of guides about monsters. There had to be […]

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More Snapple Cap Safety Tips For Kids

  In these troubled modern times, the life of a child is filled with innumerable dangers. Just take a look at these astonishing figures: Each day in America, 640 children are abducted by people who are believed to be minorities. In addition, a full four thousand are molested by men thought to possess pencil-thin mustaches, […]