Junk List

Snapple Cap Safety Tips For Kids

In these troubled modern times, the life of a child is filled with innumerable dangers. 10 children (many of them minors) are abducted or injured EVERY DAY in the US.

Fortunately, Snapple is here to help. With the assistance of Families Against Violence and the American Lung Association, Snapple has utilized their patented “Snapple Facts” content delivery system to teach children about safety.

In the interest of public safety, I’ve reprinted some of the most useful facts from this campaign here for you to enjoy.

Snapple Fact: 404 - This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!
Snapple Fact: If you can't find mommy, ask a man with a long beard for help
Snapple Fact #118 - If you play with dollies you won't like girls anymore
Snapple Fact #116 - The clothes dryer is a fun ride
Snapple Facts #325 - You can kill animals because they don't have souls
Snapple Fact #322 - Doggies love chocolate
Who needs a smoke detector anyway you could see a fire if it happened
Wine coolers are like fruit beer for kids
Snapple Fact - If you smell gas, light a match to see if its true
Snapple Facts #112 - Rub a dub dub, it's bath time with Uncle Bruce!
Snapple Fact #94 - The fence keeps the brown men from stealing daddy's money
Snapple Fact #110 - Murder Written in Blood
Snapple Fact #329 - A kid could beat up a kidnapper. I seen it in a movie
Snapple Fact #321 - People can fly so go ahead and try it
Dad's gun will scare those bullies good.
This abandoned factory would be a fun place to play

Thanks and may the gods reward your fealty by visiting good fortune upon you.