Recently I performed a search on the internet for "The Alphabet Of
Swearing" in the hopes of finding a list of
curse words beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Much to my surprise, aside from a couple of disappointing "Yahoo
Answers" replies and an article or two from websites even shittier than
this one, I came up emptyhanded.
Needless to say, I could not let this stand. A world in which a thoughtful list of curse-words for each letter of the alphabet did not exist somewhere on the internet was not a world in which I wanted to live.
This left me with two choices: I could either commit suicide, or create and publish the alphabet of swearing myself. So I decided to go with the list.
Note: I've refrained from resorting to racist, homosexual, or
slurs wherever possible. Let me assure you that this was not done due
to the "offensiveness" of these words. It's just that the list would've
been far too easy (and therefore significantly less fun) to compile were I to allow
myself to employ hatespeech.
"What the hell is wrong with you?
You some kind of an asshole or something?"
"Seriously, that bitch been throwing rocks at my house all
"Cunt is the new Fuck"
"That's the last time I put my dick in there. Look at this
"It's a load 'o codswallop, it is it is, I brought me 'effing
trainers to the cobblers a donkey's year ago 'an I've 'erd nary a word
from those sodding filchers!"
Interjectionally With An Object
"Well, Fuck, I suppose."
God resulting in a being's punishment.
on this Mama's Family The Complete Series boxed set!
"Look closely at this trading card, and you'll see that C-3PO has a hard-on."
Swear to Christ. Best feeling in the world."
four fucking parking spaces!"
"I could eat a knob at night."
Heaps of Male Genitalia Over The Battlements In Order To Excite or
Dishearten An Entrenched Enemy*
"Pile the slings of your trebuchets high and deep with festering
members, and then, on my mark...prepare to lobcock!"
"If all of you motherfuckers could just go ahead and raise
your hands into the air, I'd be much obliged."
"Man, get yo nupson ass up outta here before I change my
Control; A Masturbator
"Amongst self-pleasurers, the boy is without peer. Why, just the
other day the little onanist performed his act for the Devlin's
and I. It was quite a treat."
(Often Having Some Authority)
him. Ya stuttering prick ya."
"Begone from this place, quean, before I cave thine
extra for rimjobs. I mean, I can see a dollar or two, but six?
my Clark bar!"
"You sir, are nothing but an Uropygium, and I shall have
nothing more to do with you, or your ilk."
"Whaddaya doin'! Oh, real tough guy, eh? Real big man! Vaffanculo!"
"And so it was that the whore climbed up the escarpment,
and raged until the coming of the dawn."
"Oh don't pay any attention to Tracy, she's our resident Xanthippe."
"500,000 Kurus for a black and white television is an
outrageous price to ask. It would please me greatly to see you place a
yarak between your lips and blow upon it. I spit upon your threshold,
and may your children be afflicted with the canine madness."
"In all my years I've yet to see; A zatch as sweet as sweet
It smelled of honey, not of fleas; And down it I once lost my keys.
It parted once, and thenceforth flee'd; A fuzzy, buzzing, swarm of bees.
In all my years I've yet to see; A zatch as sweet as sweet