13 Unintentionally Hilarious Headlines I Expended Very Little Effort To Find

Unintentionally Hilarious Headlines
A few weeks ago, a man became inexplicably enraged by one of my idiotic articles and wrote in to gleefully point out to me (amongst other things) how much much of a moron I was, and used a spelling error I had made in the opening paragraph of the article to reinforce this point.

While I will certainly grant to this gentleman that I am, in fact, "a fucking jackass who has no idea what the fuck he is talking about", I do take issue with being called a moron simply because I misspelled the word "immediately". It's not that I dispute my moron-ness, but I just feel that there are plenty of other [far more] valid reasons to call my intelligence and writing ability into question.

I would propose that "accidentally forgetting to spellcheck something because I was high on amphetamines when I edited it" does not make me moron. It may make me irresponsible, and possibly a prescription drug addict. But a moron? I think not.

But if you'll excuse me, I have to use this sentence to link this semirelated intro to the  hastily thrown-together "Funny Headline Mistakes" article below. There. Done.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.14.10)

New Kids On The BlockA weekly collection of interesting links, cool infographics, strange articles, and plenty of other random junk worth checking out.
 
This week: Japanese Tentacle Porn, Spontaneous Human Combustion, Organic Food Myths, Inside A Life Of Cybercrime, Country Music Suicide, Ironic Error Messages, and of course: New Kids On The Block.

5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc

5 Facts About Ray Kroc
Ray Kroc (the ruthless entrepreneur often held responsible for the success of McDonalds), gets a lot of posthumous respect, and frankly, as someone who used to work at McDonald's, this really pisses me off.
 
What's so bad about Ray Kroc? Here's one example: He is said to have coined the phrase "If You’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean." This pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Mr. Kroc's attitude towards his employees. I can only assume Kroc decided to publicize this motto because he feared his two other favorite sayings, "Clean it now up or you're back on food stamps" and "You're only here because you're still cheaper than a robot" might not have endeared him to the public quite as much.
 
So in honor of this cruel obsessive-compulsive tyrant's memory, here are five fascinating (and potentially libelous) things you probably didn't know about Ray "The Kommendant" Kroc.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.07.10)

MementoA compilation of cool links, fascinating news stories, infographics, and a bunch of other neat stuff floating around on the internet.
 
This week: The World vs. Babies, Democratic TV vs. Republican TV, Profanity vs. Finger Waggers, Fat People vs. Twinkies, and An Elderly Pianist vs. The Concept Of Computer Repair.

The Casually Dismissive Guide To Outdoor Activities

Slingshot Man
I'm not exactly someone you would describe as the "outdoorsy type". I'm really more of a "comes as close to hating nature as one can without actually hating it" type, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don't have any problem with the outdoors IN THEORY, but in practice it's always just so irritating and unpredictable: Oh great, I went for a walk and it started to rain. Fantastic, the sun went down and now I can't see. Wonderful, I wandered into the Pakistani Himalaya and got disemboweled by a Himalayan Brown Bear. I swear to god, it never ends.
 
I really don't see how nature expects anyone to enjoy the outdoors when all this annoying crap is constantly going on. I'll give you an example: One time I went camping and was continuously buffeted by reasonably strong winds. Winds! Can you imagine? It was beyond belief. The third time my hood blew off my head, I walked to the car and drove straight home. But honestly, can you blame me? A man can only take so much abuse.
 
But anyway, here's my Officially Licensed Guide Every Single Outdoor Activity Ever.

20 Engrish Signs To Thrill & Confound You

Engrish Sign
In the Englishs languages it is a right way and a wrong way to tell. This is also true of sign of things. If an incorrect language is used on sign or logo, they do not even understand the rules correctly! This may be dangerous, pregnancy, or worse!

So, here to please readers of the twentieth signs which shows the use of improper grammar and spelling errors. Thank all the competitors.

Web Detritus (Week Of 10.31.10)

Asian GuyA weekly collection of cool links, neat infographics, photo galleries, and a bunch of other stuff I couldn't fit in anywhere else.
 
This week: The Best & Worst Illegal Drugs, Breakups On Facebook, Human Body Myths, Online Gaming Assholes, Insane Rollercoasters, Nightmarish Playground Equipment, and The Good Old AK47.

Worthless Guide To Monsters: Medusas & Minotaurs

Medusa & Minotaur
A year or two ago, I finished up My Series of Monster Guides by posting a terrible article about the Jersey Devil I had carelessly dashed off in an afternoon. This has always bothered me. Surely this was no way to treat a mildly entertaining series of guides about monsters. There had to be another way. And then it dawned on me: There WAS another way. I could continue to write pointless and sort of crappy guides about various types of monsters! So that's what I did.

So I hope you'll join me for this look at Medusas and Minotaurs (part [?] of a [?] part series). Thank you and thank you.