13 Unintentionally Hilarious Headlines I Expended Very Little Effort To Find

Unintentionally Hilarious Headlines

A few weeks ago, a man became inexplicably enraged by one of my idiotic
articles and wrote in to gleefully point out to me (amongst other
things) how much much of a moron I was, and used a spelling error I had
made in the opening paragraph of the article to reinforce this point.

While I will certainly grant to this gentleman that I am, in fact, "a
fucking jackass who has no idea what the fuck he is talking about", I
do take issue with being called a moron simply because I misspelled the
word "immediately". It's not that I dispute my moron-ness, but I just
feel that there are plenty of other [far more] valid reasons to call my
intelligence and writing ability into question.

I would propose that "accidentally forgetting to spellcheck something
because I was high on amphetamines when I edited it"
does not make me moron. It may make me irresponsible, and possibly a
prescription drug addict. But a moron? I think not.

But if you'll excuse me, I have to use this sentence to link this
semirelated intro to the 
hastily thrown-together "Funny Headline Mistakes" article below. There.
Done.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.14.10)

New Kids On The BlockA weekly
collection of interesting links, cool infographics, strange
articles, and plenty of other random junk worth checking out.
 
This week: Japanese Tentacle Porn, Spontaneous Human Combustion,
Organic Food Myths, Inside A Life Of Cybercrime, Country Music Suicide,
Ironic Error Messages, and of course: New Kids On The Block.

5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc

5 Facts About Ray Kroc

Ray Kroc (the
ruthless entrepreneur often held responsible for the success of
McDonalds
), gets a lot of posthumous respect, and frankly, as
someone who used to work at McDonald's, this really pisses me off.
 
What's so bad about Ray Kroc? Here's one example: He is said to have
coined the phrase "If You’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to
clean." This pretty much tells you everything you need to know about
Mr. Kroc's attitude towards his employees. I can only assume Kroc
decided to publicize this motto because he feared his two other
favorite sayings, "Clean it now up or you're back on food stamps" and
"You're only here because you're still cheaper than a robot" might not
have endeared him to the public quite as much.
 
So in honor of this cruel obsessive-compulsive tyrant's memory, here
are five fascinating (and potentially libelous) things you probably
didn't know about Ray "The Kommendant" Kroc.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.07.10)

MementoA
compilation of cool links, fascinating news stories, infographics,
and a bunch of other neat stuff floating around on the internet.
 
This week: The World vs. Babies, Democratic TV vs. Republican TV,
Profanity vs. Finger Waggers, Fat People vs. Twinkies, and An Elderly
Pianist vs. The Concept Of Computer Repair.

The Casually Dismissive Guide To Outdoor Activities

Slingshot Man

I'm not exactly someone you would describe as the "outdoorsy type". I'm
really more of a "comes as close to hating nature as one can without
actually hating it" type, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don't have
any problem with the outdoors IN THEORY, but in practice it's
always just so irritating and unpredictable: Oh great, I went for a
walk and it started to rain. Fantastic, the sun went down and now I
can't see. Wonderful, I wandered into the Pakistani Himalaya and got
disemboweled by a Himalayan Brown Bear. I swear to god, it never ends.
 
I really don't see how nature expects anyone to enjoy the outdoors when
all this annoying crap is constantly going on. I'll give you an
example: One time I went camping and was continuously buffeted by
reasonably strong winds. Winds! Can you imagine? It was beyond belief.
The third time my hood blew off my head, I walked to the car and drove
straight home. But honestly, can you blame me? A man can only take so
much abuse.
 
But anyway, here's my Officially Licensed Guide Every Single Outdoor
Activity Ever.

20 Engrish Signs To Thrill & Confound You

Engrish Sign

In the Englishs languages it is a right way and a wrong way to tell.
This is also true of sign of things. If an incorrect language is used
on sign or logo, they do not even understand the rules correctly! This
may be dangerous, pregnancy, or worse!

So, here to please readers of the twentieth signs which shows the use
of improper grammar and spelling errors. Thank all the competitors.

Web Detritus (Week Of 10.31.10)

Asian GuyA weekly
collection of cool links, neat infographics, photo galleries,
and a bunch of other stuff I couldn't fit in anywhere else.
 
This week: The Best & Worst Illegal Drugs, Breakups On Facebook,
Human Body Myths, Online Gaming Assholes, Insane Rollercoasters,
Nightmarish Playground Equipment, and The Good Old AK47.

Worthless Guide To Monsters: Medusas & Minotaurs

Medusa & Minotaur

A year or two ago, I finished up My Series of Monster Guides
by posting a terrible article about the Jersey Devil I had carelessly
dashed off in an afternoon. This has always bothered me. Surely this
was no way to treat a mildly entertaining series of guides about
monsters. There had to be another way. And then it dawned on me: There
WAS another way. I could continue to write pointless and sort of crappy
guides about various types of monsters! So that's what I did.

So I hope you'll join me for this look at Medusas and Minotaurs (part
[?] of a [?] part series). Thank you and thank you.