It is a particularly fine summer evening. You are taking a shortcut through a field of wheat, on the way to your job at the bank. Suddenly you feel a tremendous pressure in your eardrums and a white light envelops you. You are lifted, struggling, into the belly of a spacecraft. An alien approaches and […]
Those of you who know me best will agree that I have one passion and one passion only: Rock & Roll. My naughtiest fantasy is to climb into a hotrod, crank up my fave rock radio station to full, and cruise down the coast, honking at thick & juicy honeys while bobbing my head […]
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The Haunting
“Ah, this is the life,” I said, settling into my easy chair and taking a sip of orange drink, “Not a care in the world.” I glanced at the clock; 6:04. The show had already begun. Grinding my teeth in anticipation, I flipped on the television. A fierce battle sequence erupted on screen. I rocked […]
I’ve always been a big fan of As Seen On TV gadgets. Not in a “wow, this stuff is actually pretty cool and useful” sort of way though. It’s more like an “Oh my god, this is the most hilarious piece of shit I have ever seen, I can’t even believe it” kind of thing. […]
Little known fact: There’s actually an entire state attached to New York City. This state is commonly most called New York, and it draws literally dozens of tourists each year into it’s distinctly unremarkable borders. Granted, many of these people are simply on their way to Pennsylvania to commit suicide (Harrisburg is the exsanguination capital […]
Call me skeptical, but the first time I saw 5-Hour Energy Drink, I immediately dismissed it as a scam. I mean, all the telltale signs were present: 1. The price was relatively high. 2. The words “Energy Supplement” were present on the bottle. 3. The label appeared to have been printed on a cheap […]
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Review Roundup: Various Products
What follows are my reviews of several items which are known to be sold as products. The following things are reviewed herein: The Gambler’s Mustache, A Large Boulder, a sack of insects, and The Home Gastric Bypass Kit. Please note that anyone who wishes to purchase these items can do so by giving a set […]
The American South has changed a great deal in recent years. What was once described by Harry S. Truman as “a festering pocket of indescribable filth and stroke-inducing poverty” is now home to a number of modern amenities, including schools, utility poles, and yes, even paved roads. But don’t be fooled into thinking that […]
“What is it?” I asked, eying the large pile of dry brown plant matter uneasily. “One can’t say for sure,” George muttered, scooping up a handful and dropping it into his mouth, “I came upon it while tilling the fields. It’s true origins remain shrouded in darkness.” He sputtered, swallowing. I picked up […]
As of the time this is being written, the year is 2010. It is officially The Future. Not quite what you expected, right? From what I was told, by this time were supposed to have become a race of golden brown superhumans with cheap and easy access to all the sex goggles, synthetic tree bark, […]
From large groups of trees, to snow-capped mountains, to the ground under those mountains and trees, it’s fairly safe to say that Alaska has got it all. It’s a land of wonder, excitement, and adventure, where anything can, and will happen! Well…I’m being a bit generous. It’s probably more like a land of quiet bemusement, […]
A continuation of my hard-hitting look at the secret world of poetic spam emails. Meaning: I got a bunch more crazy spam emails. You may look at them and be moderately amused, if you wish.