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Worthless Guide to Fitness

I once read that a healthy body equals a healthy mind and soul. Afterwards, I crumpled up the granola bar wrapper it was printed on and threw it into the trash, scoffing at the notion that anyone would follow vague, new-age “medical” advice from product packaging. But afterwards I became worried that I may have […]

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Worthless Guide to Social Graces – Part 2: Table Manners

Table manners have existed since long before the invention of the table. For example, did you know that: In ancient Rome, wiping your mouth with the back of your arm was deemed illegal by the emperor? Or that early Egyptians used to begin each meal with a prayer to the god of the stomach to […]

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Behold! For I am Otherkin! (Feel My Power)

Being Otherkin is a lot like being black in the 50s. What I mean by this is that coming out of the closet as an Otherkin (like coming out as a black person) can be dangerous to your health. I personally have had people shout slurs at me in the park, had a large carton […]

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Worthless Guide to Survival – Part 4: Urban Environments

When most people think about survival they usually imagine themselves hurling crude spears at boars in the Amazon, or brushing snow from their beard as they slog through waist-high snow wearing a bearskin overcoat. These images come from the most common survival scenarios (Disastrous Jungle Treasure Hunt & Arctic Plane Crash, respectively) but it’s important […]

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Most Superpowers Are Worthless (A Guide)

Many people wish they had superpowers, but do they truly know the risk involved in obtaining them? Who among us would brave an atomic blast, a bite from a radioactive arachnid, or an inordinately risky and ostensibly pointless genetic experiment in order to obtain these powers? Very few people, because humans are basically cowards. But […]

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Awful Scifi Tech: The 6th Day & Total Recall (Creepy Android Edition)

By Kevin Funnyman Arnold Schwarzenegger has starred in two reasonably popular science fiction films, The 6th Day and Total Recall. Aside from taking place in the future and being goofy to the point of near insanity, these films also share another common trait: They both contain supercreepy androids. In The 6th Day it’s SimPal Cindy, […]

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Sainted / Tainted 2: Wheelchairs & Roofjumpers

By Kevin In today’s episode of Sainted & Tainted: Wheelchair Accidents, Elderly Roofjumpers, Identity Theft, and much more!

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Growing Old: A Guide for Fogies & Spinsters

Nobody ever asks an old man’s opinion. Probably because most people just don’t care what he thinks. “What can an old fool like that tell us about the world anyway?!” One of these people might shout to you over the wind as he grins and jerks the wheel of his convertible towards a raccoon in […]

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Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune

Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely […]

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George Lucas In The Bathroom

We pulled into the lot and George swung the car into a handicapped space. I furrowed my brow and peered at the blue sign through the cracked windshield. “As far as I know,” I said, “You aren’t a handicap.” “This is justice.” He said, pushing the car door open with his knee. “Why should a […]

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Tommy’s Resume

Hi my name is Tommy and I am 36 years old. I am looking for a good job and be paid money so I can buy one playstations three entertainment game system. I am a very good worker and aiming for the star. Also this is called a resume and it has pictures in it […]

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Amazing Actors: Samuel L. Jackson & John Travolta

By The Baron Some people respect doctors, but I think acting is the noblest career a man can have. Can you think of another job where you make people’s lives better and are also respected for it? Of course you can’t. This series is dedicated to the best of the best in the acting field. […]