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Growing Old: A Guide for Fogies & Spinsters

Nobody ever asks an old man’s opinion. Probably because most people just don’t care what he thinks. “What can an old fool like that tell us about the world anyway?!” One of these people might shout to you over the wind as he grins and jerks the wheel of his convertible towards a raccoon in […]

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Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune

Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely […]

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George Lucas In The Bathroom

We pulled into the lot and George swung the car into a handicapped space. I furrowed my brow and peered at the blue sign through the cracked windshield. “As far as I know,” I said, “You aren’t a handicap.” “This is justice.” He said, pushing the car door open with his knee. “Why should a […]

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Tommy’s Resume

Hi my name is Tommy and I am 36 years old. I am looking for a good job and be paid money so I can buy one playstations three entertainment game system. I am a very good worker and aiming for the star. Also this is called a resume and it has pictures in it […]

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Amazing Actors: Samuel L. Jackson & John Travolta

By The Baron Some people respect doctors, but I think acting is the noblest career a man can have. Can you think of another job where you make people’s lives better and are also respected for it? Of course you can’t. This series is dedicated to the best of the best in the acting field. […]

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Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 3 – Vampires

By Henry For many children, the dream of feasting upon the blood of the living in order to attain immortality is never fully realized. Sure, sucking the blood from a fresh cut on an infant or relative might give a person a cheap thrill, but the joy it brings is hollow and fleeting. So even […]

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Worthless Guide to Social Graces – Part 1: Restrooms

By Kevin Certainly you’ve met others in your life who you would consider to be “rude”. Some murmur loudly while chewing their food, some knock over the elderly in order to get a better spot in line, and then there are those who would reach in to grab a piece of gum out of your […]

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Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 2: Mummies

By Henry Have you ever gotten a chill when walking by a pharaoh’s tomb? This is likely caused by the spirit of a mummy. Mummies are ancient creatures which have been around for hundreds of years. Thousands of people have been killed by them. A few have even been captured and are now on display […]

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Frosty The Snowman: Epitaph

December 02, 1952 A.D. – I am born once again. I do not know the how or the why; I know only that I live. I gaze about with wonder. I could not have imagined the incredible changes which have swept across the face of this world in the many centuries I have slept. Great […]

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Sainted / Tainted 1: Busrides & Watery Graves

By Kevin Helping a stranger in need will bring no reward, and thoughtlessness breaks no law. How can one publicly shame those who wrong them while simultaneously commending anonymous do-gooders? By writing to the Sainted/Tainted portion of the local newspaper, that’s how! Here are a few selected entries we’ve compiled from the most prestigious papers […]

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Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 1.5: Werewolf Q&A

By The Baron Werewolves are intriguing creatures, and like most other monsters there is a lot of misinformation floating around about them. Luckily I have been asked to shed some light on the subject in this series of monster Q&As, beginning with werewolves (also see the werewolf guide HERE). They have also asked world renowned […]

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Worthless Guide to Drugs Part 3: Higher Still

By Henry Fact: Not all drugs are illegal. Every year Americans spend more than 38 dollars on safe and effective over-the-counter drugs such as aspirin, cough syrup, energy drinks, and cigarettes. These four legal drugs alone provide us humans with relief from some important symptoms (Headaches, coughs, low energy, and not hacking up blood due […]