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Hello, and welcome to a very special "Back in The Old Days" edition of
Weird News & Links. This week, I've decided to feature only stories
and products which will bring back fond memories of times gone by. For
example, how many of you remember watching the mildly popular late 80s
television series Mr. Belvedere? None of you? Great! Then you'll be
loving this halfhearted faux-homage I've thrown together of things
people used talk about that nobody cares about anymore!
 
Let's take it to the streets!

 

Weird News Stories Involving Old(ish) People of The Week

Man
With Knife in Chest Complains About Weather, Orders Coffee

[A 52-year-old man] called a Warren 911 operator on Sunday
night to ask
that an ambulance be sent to Bray's, an eatery in neighboring Hazel
Park. He said he had been stabbed during a robbery attempt half a mile
away, then walked to the restaurant and called 911 from a pay phone.
 
On a recording of the call, the man gives a vague description of his
attacker before saying, "I'm gonna sit down at Bray's 'cause they got a
chair and it's cold out here."  Restaurant employee George Mirdita
told The Detroit News the man calmly ordered coffee.

Enterprising
Parishioner Rams Car Into Church, Ransacks It

[The] 56-year-old man was so incensed at a $70 repair bill
he was owed,
he rammed his truck into a Spokane church. The Sheriff's Office said
the tirade was apparently over a $70 repair bill the church owned the
suspect for electrical work he had done. The man allegedly smashed
nearly window, television, computer and light fixture inside the
church.  Pastor Dan Eubank said there was thousands of dollars in
damage.

Eubank told the paper he tried to pay the man with a check, but he
wouldn't take it and he became enraged he couldn't get the payment in
cash.

Woman
Tears Open Man's Genitals

Authorities are considering whether to charge a woman
accused of
grabbing a man by the genitals and yanking hard enough for him to need
stitches. Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams told the Winona Daily News
the 54-year-old woman faces possible charges of domestic assault,
third-degree assault and interfering with a 911 call.

Officers were called Friday night to a domestic disturbance in Winona.
Williams said the man pulled down his underwear for police and showed
them a large tear on his genitals.

Woman
Calls 911 Because Husband Refuses to Eat Dinner

Prosecutors will review the case of a woman authorities
claim has
called 911 30 times over six months for non-emergency reasons,
including a call to complain that her husband refused to eat his
dinner. Last Friday, the woman allegedly made a pair of calls to 911,
including a hang-up and another where a woman was heard screaming.

Police were dispatched to the residence and officer Paul Gonzales said
police were told by her that "her husband did not want to eat his
supper." A police report said the 53-year-old woman was also yelling
"about things that happened two weeks ago."

Piece of Crap Antiquated Webpage of The Week

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Yeah, some people still believe the earth is flat. This site explains
their "side" of the debate. I will leave it up to them to convince you.
Here are several arguments against a spherical earth, in their own
words:

1. Earth Would Slow Down in "The Ether"
[How] could the Earth continue to move at the same speed for as long a
time as the "round Earthers" say that it has existed for; namely,
several billion years. If outer space were a vacuum, then there would
be no problem. But space is not a vacuum, it is instead filled with
ether. The earth would have to have been pushing its way through the
ether for all those billions of years. Shouldn't it have slowed
somewhere along the line? What would keep the Earth from grinding down
to a stop [?]
 
2. We Would All Fly Off The Planet
[According] to "round Earth" theory, [earth is] orbiting the sun at a
radius of around five-hundred million kilometers. Were this the case,
the Earth would be an accelerated object in circular motion around its
sun. And thereby are the problems introduced. The Earth accelerating in
circular motion would behave no differently than would a car taking a
corner: loose objects (humans and animals would act like loose change
or a cup of coffee on the dashboard) would slide around, or be thrown
off completely.
 
3. People in The Southern Hemisphere Would Fall Off
For the person at the top of the world, (the North Pole), gravity is
pulling him down, towards the South Pole. But for the person at the
South Pole, shouldn't gravity pull him down as well? What keeps our
person at the South Pole from falling completely off the face of the
"globe"?
 
4. All The Water Would Drip Down The Bottom of The Earth Into Space

[Water] covers over seventy-five percent of our planet's surface. And
the atmosphere, also a fluid, covers the entire surface. The difference
is why. While flat-Earthers know that the ocean is really just a large
bowl, (with great sheets of ice around the edges to hold the ocean
back), and the atmosphere is contained by a large dome, the backwards
"round-Earth" way of thinking would have you believe that all those
trillions of gallons of water and air just "stick" to the planet's
surface. Conventional thinking would suggest that the water would just
run down the sides of the Earth (to use the analogy again, like
droplets running down the sides of a beach ball) and fall into outer
space, while the air would dissipate.

Do you still need further evidence? Just have a look at their evidence
page:

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Take that "Thousands of Images of Our Clearly Spherical Planet From
Space"!
 

 

Classic Television Theme Song Video of The Week


 

Mr. Belvedere-Related Product of The Week

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All Caps Customer Review of Awful Old TV Show of The Week

The
Facts of Life - The Complete First & Second Seasons
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I'd like to end this article by acknowledging that I never knew the
actual opening lyric for the theme song to The Nanny was "She was
working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens". I always assume it was
"She was working in a barber shop and flushing queens" (meaning:
Rinsing product out of the hair of drag queens). Thanks to the
anonymous amazon reviewer who used this lyric in his review of Season 1
for making this clear to me.