Hello, and welcome to a very special "Back in The Old Days" edition of Weird News & Links. This week, I've decided to feature only stories and products which will bring back fond memories of times gone by. For example, how many of you remember watching the mildly popular late 80s television series Mr. Belvedere? None of you? Great! Then you'll be loving this halfhearted faux-homage I've thrown together of things people used talk about that nobody cares about anymore!
Let's take it to the streets!
Weird News Stories Involving Old(ish) People of The WeekMan With Knife in Chest Complains About Weather, Orders Coffee
[A 52-year-old man] called a Warren 911 operator on Sunday night to ask that an ambulance be sent to Bray's, an eatery in neighboring Hazel Park. He said he had been stabbed during a robbery attempt half a mile away, then walked to the restaurant and called 911 from a pay phone.
On a recording of the call, the man gives a vague description of his attacker before saying, "I'm gonna sit down at Bray's 'cause they got a chair and it's cold out here." Restaurant employee George Mirdita told The Detroit News the man calmly ordered coffee.
Enterprising Parishioner Rams Car Into Church, Ransacks It
[The] 56-year-old man was so incensed at a $70 repair bill he was owed, he rammed his truck into a Spokane church. The Sheriff's Office said the tirade was apparently over a $70 repair bill the church owned the suspect for electrical work he had done. The man allegedly smashed nearly window, television, computer and light fixture inside the church. Pastor Dan Eubank said there was thousands of dollars in damage.
Eubank told the paper he tried to pay the man with a check, but he wouldn't take it and he became enraged he couldn't get the payment in cash.
Woman Tears Open Man's Genitals
Authorities are considering whether to charge a woman accused of grabbing a man by the genitals and yanking hard enough for him to need stitches. Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams told the Winona Daily News the 54-year-old woman faces possible charges of domestic assault, third-degree assault and interfering with a 911 call.
Officers were called Friday night to a domestic disturbance in Winona. Williams said the man pulled down his underwear for police and showed them a large tear on his genitals.
Woman Calls 911 Because Husband Refuses to Eat Dinner
Prosecutors will review the case of a woman authorities claim has called 911 30 times over six months for non-emergency reasons, including a call to complain that her husband refused to eat his dinner. Last Friday, the woman allegedly made a pair of calls to 911, including a hang-up and another where a woman was heard screaming.
Police were dispatched to the residence and officer Paul Gonzales said police were told by her that "her husband did not want to eat his supper." A police report said the 53-year-old woman was also yelling "about things that happened two weeks ago."
Piece of Crap Antiquated Webpage of The Week
The Flat Earth Society
Yeah, some people still believe the earth is flat. This site explains their "side" of the debate. I will leave it up to them to convince you. Here are several arguments against a spherical earth, in their own words:
1. Earth Would Slow Down in "The Ether"Do you still need further evidence? Just have a look at their evidence page:
[How] could the Earth continue to move at the same speed for as long a time as the "round Earthers" say that it has existed for; namely, several billion years. If outer space were a vacuum, then there would be no problem. But space is not a vacuum, it is instead filled with ether. The earth would have to have been pushing its way through the ether for all those billions of years. Shouldn't it have slowed somewhere along the line? What would keep the Earth from grinding down to a stop [?]
2. We Would All Fly Off The Planet
[According] to "round Earth" theory, [earth is] orbiting the sun at a radius of around five-hundred million kilometers. Were this the case, the Earth would be an accelerated object in circular motion around its sun. And thereby are the problems introduced. The Earth accelerating in circular motion would behave no differently than would a car taking a corner: loose objects (humans and animals would act like loose change or a cup of coffee on the dashboard) would slide around, or be thrown off completely.
3. People in The Southern Hemisphere Would Fall Off
For the person at the top of the world, (the North Pole), gravity is pulling him down, towards the South Pole. But for the person at the South Pole, shouldn't gravity pull him down as well? What keeps our person at the South Pole from falling completely off the face of the "globe"?
4. All The Water Would Drip Down The Bottom of The Earth Into Space
[Water] covers over seventy-five percent of our planet's surface. And the atmosphere, also a fluid, covers the entire surface. The difference is why. While flat-Earthers know that the ocean is really just a large bowl, (with great sheets of ice around the edges to hold the ocean back), and the atmosphere is contained by a large dome, the backwards "round-Earth" way of thinking would have you believe that all those trillions of gallons of water and air just "stick" to the planet's surface. Conventional thinking would suggest that the water would just run down the sides of the Earth (to use the analogy again, like droplets running down the sides of a beach ball) and fall into outer space, while the air would dissipate.
Take that "Thousands of Images of Our Clearly Spherical Planet From Space"!
Classic Television Theme Song Video of The Week
Mr. Belvedere-Related Product of The Week
Mr. Belvedere: Seasons One & Two
All Caps Customer Review of Awful Old TV Show of The WeekThe Facts of Life - The Complete First & Second Seasons
I'd like to end this article by acknowledging that I never knew the actual opening lyric for the theme song to The Nanny was "She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens". I always assume it was "She was working in a barber shop and flushing queens" (meaning: Rinsing product out of the hair of drag queens). Thanks to the anonymous amazon reviewer who used this lyric in his review of Season 1 for making this clear to me.