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This time around, a Chinese teacher stabs children with needles,
illegal circumcision, and Rapid Crack Propagation in Polyethylene
Pipes. Also some Polish guy eats a lottery ticket on an airplane. Oh
world! You so crazy.

WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK

Chinese
Schoolteacher Stabs 63 Students With Syringe

A kindergarten teacher in southwestern China has admitted
she used an
empty hypodermic needle to prick 63 of her students on the hands, feet
and buttocks as punishment for bad behavior.

None of the children has tested positive for infectious diseases but
their parents have demanded compensation totaling 1.8 million yuan
($265,000), more than a Chinese teacher makes in 50 years. It did not
say how the abuse was discovered or whether the needle pricks became
infected or caused injuries.

The [teacher] has been diagnosed with an unidentified personality
[dis]order and faces charges of "endangering public security by
dangerous methods,"

Psychotic,
Heavily-Muscled Superman Battled Police

A 24-year-old man who accused of attacking two Rochester
police
officers Wednesday laughed when one of the officers used a Taser to try
to arrest him, according to court documents. Even pepper spray did not
completely subdue [the man], but it slowed him enough so that officers
could finally take him into custody.

[The 18th century strong man] was at Boehm Lodge for a meeting with
Jason M. Parsons, a mental health counselor. [He] was agitated and had
been vulgar with staff members. Parsons suggested to [the enormous
man-beast] that he should go to a hospital emergency room for an
evaluation, and "he responded by clenching his fists and grinding his
teeth."

"He said he was happy and he gave me an odd grin. I sensed that he was
in a psychotic state," Parsons said in his statement.

Two officers arrived before the ambulance, and they met [the terrifying
human golem] outside the building where he was smoking a cigarette.
They told Sutton he had to go to the hospital and Sutton started to
walk away. [The man then beat the shit out of both officers while
bellowing insanely until backup arrived and arrested him].

Man
Goes "Fear & Loathing" on Hotel Room

The Calhoun County Sheriff's Office said a 53-year-old
Dearborn
Heights, Mich., man, whose name was not released, surrendered to
authorities at about 8:30 a.m. Sunday after firing a gun at the bed,
window, walls and ceiling of his room at the Albion Inn, the Jackson
(Mich.) Citizen-Patriot reported Monday.

Turpin said the man left a note in the hotel room reading: "God
delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion, Michigan." [He] also
put the room's alarm clock in a microwave and switched it on.

Man
Wins Lottery on Airplane, Angrily Eats Ticket

[An] unnamed man was flying with Ryanair from Krakow, in
Poland, to
East Midlands Airport when he won €10,000 ($13,500) with [a] scratch
card.

Cabin crew on the flight confirmed he had a winning card, but told the
passenger he would have to collect the jackpot directly from the
company that runs the competition as they did not have enough cash on
board the plane. Ryanair said the man then became frustrated and
started to eat his winning ticket while on the flight on Thursday. His
rash actions mean he has lost any chance of claiming the prize money,
which will now be donated to charity.
 
Stephen McNamara, a spokesman for Ryanair, said the cabin crew and some
passengers had attempted to persuade [sic] the man not to eat the
ticket, but
he stood up and ate it anyway.

Man
Allegedly Performed Illegal Circumcisions From Home

A man who police say peformed circumcisions without a
license from his
home has been arrested and charged with operating an unauthorized
practice as a health professional. "He had a mini operating room type
atmosphere set up at his house and he wore a laboratory coat, and he
was even able to administer a local anesthetic before the procedure,"
said Lt. Kevin Kelley.

"I don't know who would go to somebody's house for a surgery," said
neighbor Larry Benson, who says he has known [the accused] for several
years. Heugel networked on Web sites such as Craigslist and adam4adam.
Kolakowski says he has scoured those sites, but so far they cannot find
any ads posted by Heugel offering circumcisions.

Heugel is also charged with performing body piercings and massages
without a license.

SHADY WEBSTORE OF THE WEEK

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By Martin "The Baron" Hubley"
Howdly folks, The Baron here writing a special segment on organic
medicine. As many of you might be aware, I personally don't agree with
the idea of taking pills when I get sick. Manufactured medicines dilute
the earth's essence, and therefore are no more effective than a placebo
in reliving pain, illnesses, and sickness. In some cases they may even
cause worse sickness than the illness the pill-popper was trying to get
rid of. For example, I had a friend who got migraines, so he would take
an Ibuprofen almost every other day. When he turned 68, the doctors
said that if he continued to take the ibuprofen, he might damage his
liver. Just goes to show you that drugs are too dangerous for humans
and can even kill you. The liver is a pretty important body part.
 
Although I do not believe in retail medicine, I do believe in herbs.
Herbs have been around for decades, and can be used to cure any illness
(so long as you take enough of them). Discount Natural Herbs sells only
the best herbs. The best part is, almost none of them have been tested
scientifically, and you can just take whatever dose of them you feel
like.
 
Let's have a look at some of my faves.

Ma Huang

This little number is great for the sniffles, colds, flus, and
ringworm. I usually grind about a half pound into a cup of (organic)
lipton tea. It perks me up for a few days, and I get a heck of a lot of
housework done. The FDA and "doctors" tried to ban Ma Huag and say Ma
Huang can cause heart attacks, stroke, or death. Puppy cock and
nonsense. First of all the Chinee have been using Ma Huang for years,
so it must not be harmful. Second of all, all drugs have side-effects.
Oh brother.

Burdock Root

This is a wonderful blood cleaner. When I notice the symptoms of my
blood dirtying (headache, sweating, bloody nose, dizzyness, smell of
burning hair) I just take a couple handfulls of Burdock and it usually
clears itself up for a few hours. I couldn't live without it. Burdock
is free, as I can pick it in a field behind my house.

Bilberries

These magical berries help the user achieve what has always been
humanity's greatest dream: Nightvision. I often chump down a few
Billberries before my nightly walks and it helps me see in the dark
tremendously. Sometimes the effect is even so great, that I can see the
back of my eyelids while my eyes are closed! It was weird at first, but
once you get used to it, it's pretty durned neat.
 
I haven't figured out how to order anything from this site yet (I think
the internet at my house may have an error or two in it) but once I do,
y'alls will be the first to know. Happy herbing out there!
 
 

AMAZING VIDEO OF THE WEEK



 
 

PRODUCT OF THE WEEK

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The
Dependence of Rapid Crack Propagation in Polyethylene Pipes on the
Plane Stress Fracture Energy of the Resin. :An article from: Polymer
Engineering and Science [HTML] (Digital)
Image removed. - $5.95
 

Norman Brown is one of my favorite authors. Every article he
writes for Polymer Engineering and Science manages to make my hair
stand on end. No exaggeration. His most current work: Polymer
Engineering and Science. Is no exception to this rule. As I walked
around the house reading through this 3179 word article, my wife had to
follow behind me with a handful of bath towels, sopping up the
excrement I uncontrollably released out of excitement.
 
If Mr. Brown were a woman, I would gladly meet with him in a seedy
hotel room to engage in any sort of debauchery he saw fit to inflict
upon my lower regions. But as he is a man, I suppose I shall have to
settle for a tender kiss on the upper thigh.
 
GET THIS BOOK!
 
 

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

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That's it for this time, but remember if you have any terrible websites
or weird news stories that you think are (not) worth my time you can Submit Them Here.