Words & Phrases I Do Not Particularly Care For (Part 2): Owned, Fag, 110%

No Talking

This is Part 2 in a series of articles about obnoxious words which I hate. This one is about: Owned, Fag, and 110%. That's probably the only information you need, right?

Part 3 - Babes / Google It / Rig
Part 2 - Owned / Fag / 110%
Part 1 - Pimp / Blogosphere

Part 2

Owned Stop

"Holy crap dude, you just got Owned!"

Gentleman’s Translation:
I am attempting to fill the deep, all-consuming sadness that lurks within me by calling attention to a petty victory!

Who Says It?
  • Horrible, Horrible, Horrible, Horrible, Horrible, Horrible People
  • Kids
  • Pathetic Adult Gamers

Why Not Use It?
Usage of this word is limited almost exclusively to people who play video games. Normally, educated humans don’t use words like this. If you have ever used the either of these words in a game, there is a 99% chance that you are one of the childish and annoying people online who everyone else hates, and also that I think it wouldn't be so bad if you were to be stabbed in the lung.

What many of the people who use this word do not realize is that the idea of saying you “own” another person originally comes from slang used by prison inmates. Larger, more powerful inmates lay claim to (or “own”) weaker inmates, thus labeling them as their own personal “punk” or “bitch”. This relationship allows the stronger inmate to freely engage in sexual acts with his punk without having to worry about interference from other inmates. Needless to say that these sexual acts are not usually consensual.

The bottom line is this:

When you say you have “owned” someone,  you are claiming to have performed a violent and painful form of anal rape upon them against their will.

This about this for a moment, if you will. It really isn’t much of an insult to the person who you say you've "owned". After all, who comes out looking worse in that particular relationship? The guy who "got owned" certainly didn’t want anything to do with you! There he is, wandering around capturing flags and trying to have a good time with some of his friends online and suddenly you creep up from behind him, stuff a pillow in his mouth, and start getting busy in the back yard, whether he likes it or not. Yes, I do believe the person doing the “owning” is the one I’d like an explanation from.

Anyway I hope you people will think twice before using this term.

Corprate Stooge

“Alright folks! Let’s get to work on this project, and let’s all give 110%!”

Gentleman’s Translation:
Put forth your best effort!

Who Says It?
  • Phony Management Types
  • Parents
  • Teachers

Why Not Use It?
Come on, it’s meaningless! You’ve no doubt heard the old joke that it’s impossible to give more than 100%. I wouldn't even technically call this a joke, because it is correct. I would say that giving 100% would mean putting forth every last bit of a person’s effort and strength towards some goal. Technically, this would end with the person’s death. You’ve given 100% of your effort, 100% of your brain power, and 100% of your strength: I hope it was worth it, because now you’re dead!

And to give 110%? This would probably be easy enough if you were some sort of eldritch daemon or powerful warlock. You would need to leech the lifeforce from some other unwilling being and then channel their energy into the goal as well. For most of us this is impractical, so stop saying this!

Gay Man
Fag / Gay

“That is so gay…”
“Oh my god! You’re such a fag!”

Gentleman’s Translation:
"You are acting in a manner which I find unappealing, sir!"
"This turn of events or situation displeases me greatly."

Who Says It?
  • Men
  • Manly Women
  • Bigots
  • 13-Year-Old Boys
  • People Who Don’t Really Know Any Gay People, Or At Least The Gay People They Know Aren't Around At The Moment

Why Not Use It?
Well, if you’re either a bigot or a 13-year-old boy, I suppose nobody’s going to be able to stop you from using these terms; they’re probably a big part of your life. For everyone else, I would strongly suggest you abstain from the use of these terms. This is so that you don’t come off looking like a bigot or a 13-year-old boy. Instead, you might try bringing back some of this old classic slang that nobody uses anymore:
  • 1950s - "Jeepers, you sure aren't as swell as I thought you were!"
  • 1920s - "Pipe down ya crazy pilker, or I'll give ya the bum's rush!"
  • 1850s - "You are nothing but a country clergyman, with a one-story intellect and a one-horse vocabulary!
  • 1800s - "Your correspondent caps the climax of Misrepresentation!"

Bonus Reader Mail:
West Texas Molester asks:
Sometimes I just need to speak like a 13-year-old boy! One example is when I’m prowling an internet chatroom. In that situation I need to use the same language as kids in order that I might endear myself to them. Is this behavior appropriate?

Well Molester,
First off, I would say that if your job (or perhaps hobby in your case) requires you to adopt a false persona, you could be forgiven for using these terms. But it would be best to try and find alternatives that aren’t quite as offensive and which would still allow you to maintain your cover. But in your case, I would recommend working on not molesting children before you start worrying about the language you use around them. By the way, have you ever seen the film Little Children? I think the ending of that movie has something fun in it you might want to try.

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