GUIDES/HOW TO

How To Avoid a Fight Like The Coward You Are

FightI don't know anything about fighting, but I do know plenty about avoiding fights. I've been doing it all my life. Mostly it's because of my face. It isn't that great-looking or anything, but I worry about it sometimes. See, it's a good bet that if someone hit me in the face they'd cave my nose in or something. Then where would I be? I'd have to go around with some crooked ass Owen Wilson nose for the rest of my life and I really don't think I have the charisma to pull that sort of thing off.
 
So anyway whether you're a fellow sissy looking to pick up some crying tips, or a lifetime bully who'd just like to know the mindset of the guy who quietly murmurs something and closes his eyes when you threaten him with violence, I'd definitely suggest that you read on to hear some of my best pain-avoidance tricks. Who knows? You might just learn a little something about what it means to be a man (not true).
 

These Horrible Self Defense Tools Will Make You Dead

Self Defense ToolsBy Martin "The Baron" Hubley
I consider myself to be something of a consumer advocate when it comes to the internet. There is so much misinformation floating out there on the cybernet that it's ridiculous. In a PREVIOUS ARTICLE I revealed the greatest self-defense tools of all time, and also let readers in on what I personally used to defend myself and my flock.

Now I'm going to show you the WORST self-defense tools and methods of all time (many of which are said to be "the best" by various internet sources). Just remember, when you need to know who and what to trust, you can always count on me, The Baron, to set the record straight.
 
Now, let's bust these lies down to size!

Mind Your Manners in Tunisia (Or Pay The Ultimate Price)

TunisiaTraveling to other countries can be a harrowing experience. When you are unfamiliar with the culture of a particular area, you will often find yourself questioning everything you do. You will constantly ask yourself "Is the action I am about to take offensive Will it upset my host?" A simple gesture like stroking the mustache of a man you've just met, or sitting on the lap of a wheelchair-bound child might be perfectly acceptable in one country, while in another it might be grounds for a knifing.

Frisbee is Kind of Stupid (A Guide)

Stupid FrisbeeWhat is frisbee? Is it a game? A pasttime? A sport? Or is it, in fact, way of life (as many of its supporters would have you believe)? I propose that none of these things is true. Frisbee is merely a concept. An idea without merit. An elder cloud of dust; the ashes of fallen kings laid out across a grand glass table and along comes a large, grey, man who puts a finger to one side of his nose and ... in, and in, and in...
 
And even now it is inside him. It is inside all of us; each and every one. As we go about our days, The Disc thrums within. It is there as we wake; it peers through clouded eyes and tangles of morning hair. It is there as we bathe; it shivers as water streams down the crags of our sagging faces. And, it is there when we sleep; it grasps our hand, guiding us through the haunted world of dreams. Listen carefully, and you shall hear it's ragged breath. Poised on the brink... Waiting. Watching. It is slow and creeping death. It is the relentless march of time.
 
Oh, and also, frisbee is kind of stupid. Here's why.
 

How To Get Out Of A Conversation With Someone Who Won't Shut The Hell Up

ConversationThis is a guide which should help you get out of unwanted conversations. It is recommended reading for those who are verbally harrased by chatty coworkers, relatives, or friends who just can't seem to recognize when you're trying to break away from a conversation.

It is divided into sections. The mildest escape methods come first, and with each subsequent section they will become more and more drastic. Personally, I would suggest trying the ones at the beginning first and then escalating as needed from there. But hey, I guess if you feel like using "Leap From a Moving Vehicle", right away, you can go right ahead. I won't tell you how to live your life.

How To Create a Heroic Self-Defense Kit

Taser Self DefenseBy Martin "The Baron" Hubley
An attack on your person can come at any moment from any direction. It only takes a second for a robber, muggist, or raper to end your life forever. It can happen to anyone. It happened to me...
 
It was a warm summers eve, 9:30 PM, and I was exiting the movie theater after having just viewed the latest and greatest Harold Potter (it was superb, obv!). I had stayed behind to watch the credits, and when I left the film the parking lot was nearly empty. Upon reaching my vehicle I found that a number of serious-looking young men were leaning against my vehicle in a disrespectful fashion. Immediately the hair on my neck stood up. "Danger" I thought to myself in my mind, "Danger."
 

How To Survive the First Day of Work

First Day Of Work

The first day of work can be stressful, so I decided to write some tips for people who are going to have their first day of work soon. It includes many different things, like what you should wear, acceptable coworker greeting procedure, how to get rid of those first day jitters, and so very much more.

How To Prove Aliens Exist (Plus! Abduction Tips & Tricks)

AliensIt has been said that the search for extraterrestrial life is 10% hard work and 90% luck. One man could spend his entire life gazing at the stars, seeing nothing, while another could glance up from his book for half a second only to be set upon by gangs of interstellar rowdies who beat him with silver truncheons and toss him shrieking into the belly of their silver ship which roars off into the moonless night, leaving only an half-read copy of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to The Mafia" and a soiled pair of undergarments in its wake.

Worthless Guide to Job Interviews

InterviewSo now you've finally found a job and applied for it, what's next? Why the interview process of course! Many people discount the importance of a good interview. "Pshaw," they might be heard to remark as they slip on their favorite pair of torn purple Zubaz and a sweatstained Atlanta Braves baseball cap, "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" Obviously this comment would be more than a little puzzling. Nobody said anything about ghosts.
 
But whatever, let's get to my interview tips.

Worthless Guide to Job Searches

FiredLet's say you've been doing the same job for 20 years. And then let's say that one day for some reason you got the overwhelming urge to take a dump in the sink of the executive washroom, and that for some reason you actually decided to act upon that urge, and then for some reason the CFO of your company had to use the bathroom and walked in and now he's just standing there STARING at you as you perch there above the sink.
 
So I assume the big question you're probably asking yourself right now is: "What do I do now?" Well, that part's easy: You get fired.
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