HISTORY

5 Surprisingly Obscene Bible Stories

5 Violent, Filthy, & Hilarious Things You Won't Believe Are Actually In The Bible
It has been said that if The Bible were to be faithfully adapted for the big screen, it would almost certainly be the most astonishingly obscene film ever made. I doubt that anyone who is familiar with The Written Word Of God would contest this. The subject matter of the Old Testament alone (with its constant graphic brutality, genocide, casual incest, and countless rapes) would be more than enough to earn The Good Book an NC-17 rating.

In light of this, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of five of the most amusing, inappropriate, and potentially offensive passages in The Bible. Fair Warning though: Although everything discussed in the following sections can be directly attributed to God Himself (I've even provided detailed links to the passages in question), things still get fairly graphic, so you probably don't want to let your kid read it (those who are easily offended by wiseasses providing glib and irreverent commentaries on the smutty portions of sacred religious texts would do well to avoid it also).

5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc

5 Facts About Ray Kroc
Ray Kroc (the ruthless entrepreneur often held responsible for the success of McDonalds), gets a lot of posthumous respect, and frankly, as someone who used to work at McDonald's, this really pisses me off.
 
What's so bad about Ray Kroc? Here's one example: He is said to have coined the phrase "If You’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean." This pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Mr. Kroc's attitude towards his employees. I can only assume Kroc decided to publicize this motto because he feared his two other favorite sayings, "Clean it now up or you're back on food stamps" and "You're only here because you're still cheaper than a robot" might not have endeared him to the public quite as much.
 
So in honor of this cruel obsessive-compulsive tyrant's memory, here are five fascinating (and potentially libelous) things you probably didn't know about Ray "The Kommendant" Kroc.

The Casually Dismissive Guide to Cowboys

Cowboy
There hasn't been much written about cowboys these days. You might assume that this is because cowboys are boring (and you would be right), but luckily for you, I'm not one to shy away from subjects which are "boring" or "stupid" or "a waste of everyone's valuable time".

So after an exhaustive period of exhaustive research, I've compiled my findings into this article, which should serve to answer the most common cowboy-related questions I often receive such as: "What do Cowboys Do All Day?" "Are All Cowboys Gay?" and "I Don't Give a Shit What a Cowboy is. Stop Talking About Cowboys You Jackass".
 
So here look here, Cowboys:

There. I Designed a Better American Flag.

ComputerThe design of the American flag needs a reboot, and I'm just the one to do it. What are my qualifications you ask? Well: I live in America, I pay most of the taxes I'm supposed to, and although I don't vote, I appreciate the sentiment behind it.
 
See, since I CRITICIZED THE DESIGN of the flag without offering any alternatives. That isn't right. So I feel it'd be nice of me to come up with a flag which I feel better embodies the spirit of this country as it exists today.
 
There's no need to thank me; being of service to my country is all the thanks I need.


The American Flag Sucks

Flag CrapI am getting really tired of seeing the American flag. There are too many of them around. I don't even understand the point of it. We all know where we live. Everyone around here does. I bet a lot of people are probably getting tired of seeing it.
 
It's like when a celebrity appears in too many movies consecutively and everyone starts to hate them. It doesn't matter how great they are, or whether the movies were any good, after a while you just don't want to see or hear anything else about them ever again. That's kind of how I feel about the American flag right about now. I guess the American flag has become my Will Ferrel. But hey, let's get a little more in-depth about why the flag blows.

History of Military Terms

Military
By The Baron
If you’ve ever watched a film or read a book about the military, you know that they use a lot of strange and interesting words and phrases that uneducated people have a hard time understanding. I have written this glossary to help those people. These particular terms come from the Vietnam War. I am an expert on military terms and tactics. I have never been in the military, but this is only because they don’t seem to understand that I am not your average grunt. I attempted to explain that with my above-average intellect, I would be of more use as an officer, and that I would not need to go through basic training, but the man I spoke to was quite obtuse.

History of Military Terms: 2

War2
By The Baron
Hi folks, you've stumbled onto Part 2 of my Military Glossary. If you haven't read part 1, it is located HERE.

Socks & Sandals: Retribution

Sandal

By Jones

Satan. Beelzebub. Steve. The Dark One has many names and many faces, all of which are intended to deceive the common man. If ever it comes to pass that you find yourself locked into a life or death battle with this specter of evil, I can give you but one piece of advice: Step on his foot, for he will surely be wearing stockings on sandaled feet. But what could possibly possess The Devil (or anyone for that matter) to wear socks with sandals? This is one of the many questions I hope to answer in this thirty-six and ten part series Socks & Sandals: Transitive Beguilement and Substantiational Value Judgements!

America: An Inferior Primer

Bigfoot
By Henry
The United States of America. Land of the free. Home of the Brave. House of 1,000 Corpses. A world untouched by time. Some people call it “The Happiest place on earth”. Others refer to it as “Old usa (OO-SAH)”. But what is the real story behind the most powerful nation in the universe? That’s what our crack team of undercover investigators set out to uncover. Did they succeed? Reading this article is the only way to find out! (This is what I call “teasing the story”) Here’s a quick history of U S and A.

True History of Game Consoles: Part 3

Modern

Hello!

Part I: Here.

Part II: Here.

Part III:  Down Below...
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