A year or two ago, I finished up My Series of Monster Guides
by posting a terrible article about the Jersey Devil I had carelessly
dashed off in an afternoon. This has always bothered me. Surely this
was no way to treat a mildly entertaining series of guides about
monsters. There had to be another way. And then it dawned on me: There
WAS another way. I could continue to write pointless and sort of crappy
guides about various types of monsters! So that's what I did.
So I hope you'll join me for this look at Medusas and Minotaurs (part
[?] of a [?] part series). Thank you and thank you.
In these troubled modern times, the life of a child is filled with
innumerable dangers. Just take a look at these astonishing figures:
Each day in America, 640 children are abducted by people who are
believed to be minorities. In addition, a full four thousand are
molested by men thought to possess pencil-thin mustaches, while 16 are
mischievously tipped out of their wheelchairs by disgruntled female
These numbers serve as a constant reminder of the inherent evil of
humanity. But luckily, Snapple brand flavored drink beverages are here
to help. With the help of Families Against Violence and the American
Lung Association, Snapple has utilized their patented "Snapple Facts"
content delivery service to teach children about safety.
In the interest of public safety, I've reprinted 14 of the most useful
facts from this campaign here for you to enjoy.
the PC game Fallout was released. Its violently cynical godless
worldview easily captivated hundreds of gaming atheists, and spawned
numerous (and similarly detestable) sequels, the latest of which is
entitled Fallout: New Vegas. In the article that follows, this reviewer
will be taking a look at the world of New Vegas from a true Christian
perspective. I'll detail each sin committed by the developers of the
game in-depth, as well as offering some godly advice (and good
old-fashioned biblical scholarship) along the way.
NOTICE: This review should not be viewed by women or children.
The shocking and brutal nature of this game's source material made it
nessecary for me to describe drug use, instances of blasphemy, and
graphic descriptions of various sex acts in detail to give parents a
better idea of what their children are getting into these days.
Consider yourselves warned.
Remember that time when you slept over at your great grandmother's
house as a kid, and you went upstairs in the middle of the night to use
the bathroom and when you flipped on the hallway light there was a
battered, grinning old clown dummy propped up at the end of the hallway
in a pool of blood and you screamed and the dummy began laughing and
cursing as it scrabbled toward you brandishing a rusty straight razor?
If so: You'll probably be the first to agree when I say that dummies
can be pretty terrifying sometimes. You'll probably also be the first
in line to browse this gallery, as you no doubt realize that the best
way to overcome your fears is to face them head on.
So read on if you wish to be shocked, sickened, horrified, and possibly
mildly entertained by 20 photographs of dead-eyed artificial humans.
Like the other books in the Offensively Specific Dating Outside Your
Race series (Japanese Women: They'll Do What You Say, Indian Men: Smart
But I Guess They Have Tiny Penises, Black Chicks: I Wish They Would
Stop Shouting At Me) How
To Date a White Woman is advertised as "your one-stop shop" for
information on dating a particular ethnic subset of humanity (in this
case, White Women), but I found it sorely lacking in useful information.
Although I am white, I figured I'd be able to derive at least one or
two good tips on dating white women from this book, but this is
certainly not the case. Not only is this book Asian-Man-Centric, but it
also lacks depth. I found most of their advice to be blatantly obvious
(if not outright false): "White women don't like spiders", "White women
sometimes have difficulty opening jars", "White women who aren't
prostitutes get offended when you try to pay them for sex", the list
goes on and on.
As someone who recently dated a white woman, I can easily come up with
better tips than the ones in this book off the top of my head. So just
keep reading if you want to be let in on all the white women's secrets.
As someone with a well-defined/over-defined sense of shame, I am
fascinated by the sorts of people who allow themselves to be
photographed wearing awful costumes. Is this sort of behavior due to an
extreme case of Aspergers, or is it simply how someone with a healthy
sense of self-confidence behaves?
Having never experienced either of these disabilities (Aspergers or
self-confidence) myself, I can really only theorize as to whether or
not they are the ROOT CAUSE of cosplay, or if they merely lay the
foundation for it. I suspect it's a little bit of both, but I suppose
I'll never really know for sure, as I tend not to associate with adults
who dress up as shitty cartoon characters.
But in any case, why don't you go ahead and have a look at these photos
of people in stupid costumes. They really are fantastic.
Sometimes littering can be a grey area. For example: Was Johnny
Appleseed littering as he wandered around tossing handfuls of apple
seeds everywhere? The general consensus is that he was not, but I
disagree. He most certainly WAS littering. History seems to give Mr.
Appleseed a pass because he seems to have strewn the seeds about with
the best intentions, but as you well know, some of the most heinous
crimes in history have been committed by people with "the best
intentions" in mind.
That's why I've created this guide: To dispel the myths which surround
the act of littering once and for all. We'll cover a myriad of topics
including (but not limited to)..."Littering With Fruits &
Vegetables: Is It Possible?", "Littering In Public Spaces", "Bodily
Fluids As Litter", "Littering In Geysers & Hot Springs: What Gives?"
So join me, if you will, on this journey through the exciting world of
pumpkin viscera, and small painted box turtles are doing...uh...well,
whatever is that turtles do in cold weather. What am I a Herpetologist,
how the hell should I know? My point is that it is currently October
and VARIOUS THINGS ARE HAPPENING.
thousandfold increase in sales of stupid costumes which occurs around
this time of year. So as usual, I've dredged the internet and come up
with 20 of the most ambitiously trashy costumes currently available.