Christian Videogame Review: Fallout New Vegas

Christian Game Review: Fallout New VegasIn 1997,
the PC game Fallout was released. Its violently cynical godless
worldview easily captivated hundreds of gaming atheists, and spawned
numerous (and similarly detestable) sequels, the latest of which is
entitled Fallout: New Vegas. In the article that follows, this reviewer
will be taking a look at the world of New Vegas from a true Christian
perspective. I'll detail each sin committed by the developers of the
game in-depth, as well as offering some godly advice (and good
old-fashioned biblical scholarship) along the way.
 
NOTICE: This review should not be viewed by women or children.
The shocking and brutal nature of this game's source material made it
nessecary for me to describe drug use, instances of blasphemy, and
graphic descriptions of various sex acts in detail to give parents a
better idea of what their children are getting into these days.
Consider yourselves warned.

 

PORTRAYAL OF WOMEN

Christian Videogame Review: Fallout New Vegas - Womans

The women in the world of Fallout: New Vegas  are about as far
from The Christian Ideal as one can get. A good Christian woman is a
gentle, nurturing soul. She does not raise her voice or speak out of
turn. She performs her duties as she is instructed, and she does not
venture into public without a male chaperone. A good Christian women is
as essential to a man's household as his oxen or his wood chopping axe.
 
But as you might expect, women of Fallout conform to none of these
godly standards. They revel in their wickedness: wearing form-fitting
clothing, speaking to men who are not their husbands, and even
deliberately failing to give birth when ordered to. The blatant
disregard for Christ was shocking, even to a world-weary pastor such as
myself. The thought of innocent children playing this game is more than
I can bear.
 
The truth is that at its core, Fallout: New Vegas is little more than a
bloody, chunk-filled defecation into the collective mouths of those who
believe the Bible is the word of God. Our Lord is very specific on how
women of low moral character are to be dealt with (burnings,
stonings, slavery, gang rapes, etc.
), but in Fallout: New
Vegas, the women who behave badly are not killed or mutilated in any
way. Is this any sort of message to be sending out children? If this
game prized the word of Our Lord God as highly as it prized heroin
drinks and preteen sex, perhaps New Vegas would be a more pleasant
place to live.
 
 

GAMBLING

Christian Videogame Review: Fallout New Vegas - Casino

As you would expect from a game based in "The City Of Sin", Fallout:
New Vegas is, at its core, a game about gambling and all of the evil
which comes with it. Not only are players forced to place "Gambler's
Chinks" in video slot machines to earn points (which can then be used
to purchase drugs and junk food), but gamers also have the ability to
play three games which are strictly forbidden under Christian Law:
Blackjack, Draw Poker, and Baccarat.
 
And although these games are to be considered a gambler's venial sins,
anyone who is familiar with the bible will tell you that any
sort gambling is strictly forbidden under The Lord's law. God even goes
so far as to spell this out specifically in Proverbs 28:14:

"And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was
going up by the
way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him,
and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he
turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the
LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare
forty and two children of them."

The lesson here is
clear: Gamble not, for he who plays games of chance risks not only his
money, but his eternal soul as well.
 
 

HISTORICAL ACCURACY

Christian Videogame Review: Fallout New Vegas - Legion

For a game which presents itself as educational and historically
accurate, Fallout: New Vegas certainly has more than its share of gross
factual errors when it comes to world history.
 
But your mightiest foe is by far is the Caesarians. Led by the
disembodied head of Julius Caesar (perched blasphemously atop an
exoskeleton) the Caesarians are clothed all in black, burn down
villages, and rape every man, woman, child, and beast they come across.
Worse still is the fact that the player can "ally" with the Ceasarians.
This grants a number of in-game bonuses, such as the ability to cuss at
enemies to regain strength, free access to alcohol, and the option to
participate in a sodomy minigame (which is barbaric, but surprisingly
satisfying) for bonus points.
 
As any true Christian historian knows, the real Caesar spared The
Goodly Christ's life by lifting him down off the cross, dressing his
wounds, and subsequently murdering each and every one of the Semites
who had attempted to take his life. This game ignores this biblical
truth, and instead casts Caesar as a vicious, godless dictator.

To
sully the good name of an American hero such as Caesar by making him
party to this dreck is beyond reproach. How ironic, then, that the
developer's name (Bethlasoft) is derived from the name of the holy city
of Israel. You clowns aren't fit to visit the holy city, let alone use
it's name in service of your interactive sexfilth. Shame on you all.
 
 

FINAL SIN SCORE: 10/10

Christian Videogame Review: Fallout New Vegas - Hell
UNSPEAKABLE
SIN!

 

There are many roads to damnation, and those who
are interested in
taking a walk down each and every one of them would do well to check
out Fallout: New Vegas.
 
See you in hell...literally!