Oh Japan! Is there nothing about you that isn't unnessecarily quirky?
Here are a number of actual "Smoking Manners" signs which were/are
posted around Japan for no good reason.
I hope you find them as brow-furrowingly fascinating as I did.
Ho hum. Just another boring week of puppies being tossed at motorcycle
gangs, cocaine-addicted funeral directors gyrating in the nude, 60 foot
tall flaming Jesuses, library/condiment crime sprees, human head
smugglers, nearly indecipherable alien abduction stories, and ice cream
man turf wars.
If only something strange or mildly humorous would occur.
I've always been a big fan of As Seen On TV gadgets. Not in a "wow,
this stuff is actually pretty cool and useful" sort of way though. It's
more like an "Oh my god, this is the most hilarious piece of crap I
have ever seen, I can't even believe it" kind of thing. Even at their
very best, infomercial products often offer nothing more than a
slightly more expensive way to accomplish a task which wasn't really
all that important in the first place (I am looking directly at you,
Magic Bullet). Of course, this very fact is exactly what makes them so
So let's take a look at four of the dumbest infomercialesque products
currently on the market: The Backup, Instant Arm Lift, The Freedom
Tray, and Jingle Jugs. Yeah, I know! Even the names are fantastic.
It is still not uncommon for the general public to assume that all
videogamers are socially inept losers prone to uncontrollable outbursts
of intense and inexplicable violence. This is incorrect. In reality,
only 65-72% of males who play videogames on a regular basis fit this
description, so obviously it's slightly unfair to generalize.
Also, this really only applies to these men while they're
playing games. The rest of the time, they're normally quite calm (if
not downright docile). But place any one of these gamers in a situation where
they believe themselves to have been "wronged" or "cheated" during a
game, and a whirlwind of grisly violence is sure to ensue. Very rarely
will this tantrum seemed to have "come out of nowhere". More often than
not there is an easily perceived buildup of hostility which takes place
before The Ragestate occurs.
This article should serve to educate the rest of you in the recognition
(and subsequent containment) of any videogamer who flies into this
This week: A(nother) woman rips off her boyfriend's testicle and chews
on it, graves are double booked, children seem to attempt suicide, nuns
grow marijuana, and nude men claiming to be Jesus act as crazy as they
are expected to.
All of these stories, links, and so very much more has been made
available to you after the break.
This summer, patron must gird throbbing loins with the fun which the
large expensive film can bring. Which is to say: Loving will induce a
fun. Respect the joyful picnic. The summer movie proposes this: Escape
your trouble! Escape the career which you is miserable! Escape the
nagger cruelty of a wife whom pulverizes your joy! In the paid
theaters, your environment is controlled in compliance with pleasant
temperature. Appearing on the screen is a coitus grudge which improves
the virility of men who view it.
From here we list the films: Iron Man 2, Macgruber, and Crown Prince of
Persia. Speak these, becoming satiated. Acclamation inserted!
It'll do you some good.
There are certain types of hats that only old men can wear. Fedoras,
for example. If you see an old man wearing a fedora, you'd probably
think "Look at that old man in his fedora, I bet he used to wear that
in the 50s!" but if you saw a 20 year old wearing one, your thoughts
would almost certainly be along the lines of "Hey, check out that
asshole the fedora. Who he think he is, Humphrey Bogart?"
I think my point is that we all wear different hats in life (Baker,
Communist Dictator, Avant Garde Beard Trimmer) but no hat is so
important as the hat a father dons the day his child is born (the hat
of fatherhood). This hat is often a harbinger of male postpartum
depression, so be sure and keep a close eye on the man, for the time
And now the news.