By Kevin Funnyman Arnold Schwarzenegger has starred in two reasonably popular science fiction films, The 6th Day and Total Recall. Aside from taking place in the future and being goofy to the point of near insanity, these films also share another common trait: They both contain supercreepy androids. In The 6th Day it’s SimPal Cindy, […]
By Kevin In today’s episode of Sainted & Tainted: Wheelchair Accidents, Elderly Roofjumpers, Identity Theft, and much more!
Nobody ever asks an old man’s opinion. Probably because most people just don’t care what he thinks. “What can an old fool like that tell us about the world anyway?!” One of these people might shout to you over the wind as he grins and jerks the wheel of his convertible towards a raccoon in […]
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Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune
Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely […]
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George Lucas In The Bathroom
We pulled into the lot and George swung the car into a handicapped space. I furrowed my brow and peered at the blue sign through the cracked windshield. “As far as I know,” I said, “You aren’t a handicap.” “This is justice.” He said, pushing the car door open with his knee. “Why should a […]
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Tommy’s Resume
Hi my name is Tommy and I am 36 years old. I am looking for a good job and be paid money so I can buy one playstations three entertainment game system. I am a very good worker and aiming for the star. Also this is called a resume and it has pictures in it […]
Some people respect doctors, but I think acting is the noblest career a man can have. Can you think of another job where you make people’s lives better and are also respected for it? Of course you can’t. This series is dedicated to the best of the best in the acting field. These are the […]
By Henry For many children, the dream of feasting upon the blood of the living in order to attain immortality is never fully realized. Sure, sucking the blood from a fresh cut on an infant or relative might give a person a cheap thrill, but the joy it brings is hollow and fleeting. So even […]
By Kevin Certainly you’ve met others in your life who you would consider to be “rude”. Some murmur loudly while chewing their food, some knock over the elderly in order to get a better spot in line, and then there are those who would reach in to grab a piece of gum out of your […]
By Henry Have you ever gotten a chill when walking by a pharaoh’s tomb? This is likely caused by the spirit of a mummy. Mummies are ancient creatures which have been around for hundreds of years. Thousands of people have been killed by them. A few have even been captured and are now on display […]
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Frosty The Snowman: Epitaph
December 02, 1952 A.D. – I am born once again. I do not know the how or the why; I know only that I live. I gaze about with wonder. I could not have imagined the incredible changes which have swept across the face of this world in the many centuries I have slept. Great […]
By Kevin Helping a stranger in need will bring no reward, and thoughtlessness breaks no law. How can one publicly shame those who wrong them while simultaneously commending anonymous do-gooders? By writing to the Sainted/Tainted portion of the local newspaper, that’s how! Here are a few selected entries we’ve compiled from the most prestigious papers […]