VOONT

Being stranded on a desert island is no laughing matter, for death is always close at hand. The possibility for escape is almost nonexistent. The ocean is filled with ravenous sharks. If you stay in the sun your virgin flesh will be charred so severely that it will simply slide from your flank like a […]

“What is anime!?” Someone screams from a nearby rooftop, catching my attention as I pass by on the street. The wind whisks the words away before they reach my ears, forcing me to guess at his question. “7:36!” I shout back. Flustered, the man cups his hands to his mouth and tries again, “WHAT! IS! […]

Japan! They don’t call it The City of Angels for nothing. Many people live there, and a number events have been known to take place within its borders. But this article isn’t about any of that. It’s just that I’ve gotten a number of imaginary requests for a complete list of thirty-one (31) things which […]

I think I have a real rage problem. When I get frustrated I tend to punch or throw products and equipment. Maybe deep down I really have a problem with my own consumerism or something, who knows.

It doesn’t take much to make a stranger’s life better. It also doesn’t take much to ruin it for a short time. I would recommend trying both to figure out which feels best for you. Who knows, you might just be featured in a future article of Santed & Tainted! Do you dare dream?

It’s difficult to describe what makes a place feel like “home”. Is it the fetid air that wafts in when you open a window? The charming view of the local gang corner? Or perhaps it’s the way milky water bubbles back up from the drain each time you use the sink because of that mysterious […]

From time to time I find certain items lying around the house. That’s it. I just find different things sometimes; I have nothing else to say. But hmm… I guess I’ll need more than that to fill an entire article huh?

Now here are some more snapple facts. These particular items come courtesy of the patients at Bethlem Royal Hospital’s mental ward. They’ve worked very hard to bring you these, so I hope you have a grand old time! Thanks and be sure to have your pets spayed and neutered.

Many hurtful things have been said about security guards over the years: They’re nothing but uneducated whiteboys on a power trip! They’re lazy bigots who couldn’t cut it as cops! All they do is sit at a desk all day popping pills and fondling themselves gently while frowning at a dog-eared and slightly moist copy […]

Did you know that Snapple now has a line of fruit drinks for children? Instead of having “fun facts” under the caps, they feature a number of child safety tips. Here are some suggestions I have for extra tips that might help a kid out. Once again, Snapple had better not try to steal these […]

Have you ever wanted to quit your job, leave your family behind, and take up a life of crime? I know I haven’t, but that’s only because I’ve got a lovely girlish face and am deathly afraid of the attention I would no doubt receive if incarcerated. But few people are as cowardly as me, […]

It begins with a match. A spark. Birthed of sulfur it sputters and burns. Bringing the spreading smoke. Down into throats and lungs; burning and clogging and choking and squeezing. Searing rains of black ash fill skies; simmering and grey with death. Somewhere, in the cold dark, a child screams. Flames creep from the corners […]