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The Baron’s Film Korner: Spider-Man

By Martin “The Baron” Hubley
If
I had to choose a single superhero movie series to bring with me to a
desert island, I would most definitely (or as they say in the streets
“most deaf”) choose the Spider-Man Thrillogy.

These movies have everything a boy (or possibly a lesbian) could want.
Action, love, mystery, and spider webs. I was going to dress in my
childhood spiderman costume to write this, but it had one of those
sharp plastic masks and it cut my face so I threw it out. Prepare to be
whisked away into the web of fun weavened by Spiderman.


By Martin “The Baron” Hubley
If
I had to choose a single superhero movie series to bring with me to a
desert island, I would most definitely (or as they say in the streets
“most deaf”) choose the Spider-Man Thrillogy.

These movies have everything a boy (or possibly a lesbian) could want.
Action, love, mystery, and spider webs. I was going to dress in my
childhood spiderman costume to write this, but it had one of those
sharp plastic masks and it cut my face so I threw it out. Prepare to be
whisked away into the web of fun weavened by Spiderman.

Spider Man One

SpidermanThe
first Spider Man literally came out of nowhere to smack us movie-lovers
in the face. When I first saw a commercial for the trailer, I said it
looked stupid and threw a cup of ice that was on the coffee table at
the television. My father (who was visiting at the time) shouted at me
“Why did you do that?!” I just shook my head and rolled my eyes.
Parents (even older ones) just don’t get it sometimes.

But anyway, any doubts I might have had about Toby MickGuire (star of the Cider House Rules and Icestorm)
as Peter Parker (spider man) were washed away when I saw the film on
opening night. I guess you could say my spider sense was tingling. From
the first scene (I can’t quite remember it, as it was quite a while ago
now) I was hooked into this fictional universe director Sam Rami had
created from scratch.

Goblin GoblinThe story goes that Spiderman (Guire) is
bitten by a magic spider, which gives him all the powers that spiders
have. Honestly, this is the only part of the story I didn’t really
believe was real. What kind of a person gets magic powers? It just
doesn’t happen.

Anyway he then spends his days web-slinging
around the city and getting into all sorts of jams (which he then gets
out of). He meets and falls in lust with the lovely Mary J. Watson,
who’s father works at the newspaper and gives Peter a job as a
columnist. A one point the Hobgoblin comes into town and reaps some
havoc and spidey has to take him down.Case closed.

9/10 (Amazing)

Spider Man 2

Octo-PussI
don’t even know what to say about this film. It’s definitely the
weakest in the series, but it’s still better than most other science
fiction movies I’ve seen. The story continues to follow Peter Parker
(Still played by the same actor, thankfully) as he battles the evil
genius with a bowl-cut, Doctor Octopuss. Many people don’t realize it,
but the look of the good Dr. is actually based on a real-life scientist: Bill
Gates. In case you haven’t heard of him, he started a computer company
a very long time ago and is actually quite famous.

Throughout
the Spidey battles the doctor while trying to keep his social life with
Mary Jane and his best friend Harold above ground. There’s plenty of
action for spider-fans to sink their teeth into, but there are also
many humorful moments to break the ice.  I won’t ruin any of the
surprises for those of you who haven’t seen it, but here’s a hint: One
involves a clever nod to the spider man comic book series.

In
the end, Toby and Mary J end up making love together in a web above the
city, which seems dangerous, but I guess this is the movies, where
grand things can happen if you only let them!

8/10 (Still Great)

Spiderman 3

Spiderman 3One
thing that annoys me about these movies is that there are no sub-titles
to go along with the main title. You could have gotten a lot better idea of
what this movie was about if it were called Spiderman 3: The Webs if
Despair, or something like that. The videogames always have those
titles.

But as for the movie: I don’t think I need to tell you
though, that this is the best spider-man film of all, and is even in my
running for best film of all time (including made for TV movies). There
is so much going on in this movie, that more casual (or just plain
dumb) viewers might be overwhelmed by the plot. It’s been a while since
I’ve seen it, so bear with me if the facts are a bit off, but
basically, it goes like this:

Spider-Man (MickGuire once
again) has returned from vacation to find the city in chaos. His
girlfriend Mary J has been kidnapped by The Hobgoblin (now played by
Harold, Peter’s friend) who goes around gotham city throwing bombs, and
there is a mysterious black goo in Peter’s apartment.

Carnage (Maxim)Soon the
goo find’s it’s way into Peter’s suitcase, and melds with his suit to
form the Super Spider man suit from the comics. This suit is black, and
while it doesn’t look quite as cool as the regular suit, it does come
with some extra powers. It allows Peter to run faster, jump higher, and
he can now climb walls. It turns him evil.

So in the end,
there are climactic battles with Sandmaker, Hobgoblin (now called the
Green Goblin), A giant sand beast, vermon, and even Maximum Carnage
(from the video games). There’s also a great song and dance number
(yay!) and some violence against women (boo!) but overall this movie is
a rollercoaster ride of excitement.

10/10 (Superb, Amazing, Great)

Thanks
to everyone who read this series, and perhaps I will return at a later
date with more superhero reviews if any more films are released. But
until then, feel free to EMAIL me with any comments about this article, and be sure to check out the PREVIOUS ENTRIES in Film Korner. Stay frosty out there people.

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