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Advice Column: Computer Trouble

I like to think of myself as a computer expert. Once, when I was helping
my friend install a new CD-ROM drive I didn’t feel like waiting for it
to reboot. I decided to install it while the computer was still running. I took out the old drive and slid
the new one in.

Then I tried to connect the power cable, but I guess I
inserted it at a bad angle, because there were sparks, the lights in
the apartment dimmed, and the computer immediately shut down.
Everything was fried and I had to get him all new parts. So yeah, I
think I’m more than qualified to answer technical questions about
computers.


I like to think of myself as a computer expert. Once, when I was helping
my friend install a new CD-ROM drive I didn’t feel like waiting for it
to reboot. I decided to install it while the computer was still running. I took out the old drive and slid
the new one in.

Then I tried to connect the power cable, but I guess I
inserted it at a bad angle, because there were sparks, the lights in
the apartment dimmed, and the computer immediately shut down.
Everything was fried and I had to get him all new parts. So yeah, I
think I’m more than qualified to answer technical questions about
computers.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Cat Pawi
have a hp computer windows xp. when i turn my computer on i get this
error saying: error: cpu fan failed: have system service immadiately.

the system will power down in 5 seconds.

does anyone know why this is happening to my computer??

does it mean that the fan is going out or went out? please write me back asap.

This sounds dangerous, it is quite possible that your computer is
infested with a daemonic presence. Try this: Turn on your hp computer
window xp, and when the error message appears on screen, cry “Ah-ha!”
and lovingly press Ctrl-Shift-End while taking a large swig from a
tumbler of hard liquor. Then wipe your mouth with the back of your
hand, pick the tower up (tearing the cables roughly from their
sockets), and heave the computer down a flight of stairs while
screaming the Lord’s Prayer. That oughta show those old demons. 
 

But oh, I thought of something else it could be. Your
error messages are not only grammatically unsound, but contain
misspellings and a complete lack of capitalization as well. By chance
did you purchase your copy of windows from a streetside vendor in
Thailand? Look at the CD. Does it say: “one hunned percent good Amereca version window xp 2000”
in permanent marker on the label? If it does, you will likely have to
go out and purchase a new (non-upgrade) version of Windows from a
retailer for approximately eighty thousand dollars. Good luck.

I HAD ONE ERROR FROM MY PC

Scream ManOkay,
I picked up this computer from a guy who complained about his PC not
booting… When I first plugged it in, it showed the bios screen, but
keyboard had no response (or lights on)… so I tried again, this time
PC booted all the way to Windows splash screen, then BSOD. So I
detached everything (including drives) except the video card and one
mem module. Restarted. THIS TIME THE COMPUTER STARTED SMOKING, a closer
look revealed that a small black chip on the card was smoking. So I
took that card out, put my vid card in and ran MEMTEST86 with both
modules in… the mem failed (as listed above). Please help.


COULD THE MOTHERBOARD BE FAILING EVEN THOUGH THE COMPUTER SOMETIMES WILL BOOT ENOUGH TO SHOW VIDEO AND RESPOND TO THE KEYBOARD?

Aaaaahh! What are you SCREAMING at me for?! Well, when in Rome, I suppose:

LISTEN
UP: THIS PROBLEM IS FROM THAT SMOKING VIDEO CARD. TAKE A LOOK AT THAT
LITTLEChip BLACK CHIP BECAUSE THAT CHIP SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE TO ME. TAKE THE
CARD OUT AND BREAK OFF THAT CHIP WITH A PLIER. THEN PUT THE CARD IN AND
SEE WHAT SHE DOES. I WOULD THINK THAT MAYBE THE CHIP WASN’T TOO
IMPORTANT IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A MEMORY OR SOMETHIN. IF IT DON’T BOOT
OK WELL WHAT CAN YOU DO BUT HERES A FUNNY TRICK:

GO GET THE BOX
FOR THAT BROKE CARD AND PUT A LAWN BRICK IN IT (FROM THE YARD) THEN
TAPE IT SO IT LOOK REAL (NEW) AND GO TO WALLMART AND TO THE FRONT
COUNTER (NOT THE PLACE THAT SELL PRETZEL). SAY HELP EXCUSE ME THIS CARD
BROKEN I WOULD LIKE ONE EXCHANGE I DIDN’T OPEN IT ITS WRONG MY GRANDMA
BOUGHT. THE LADY DOENST EVEN KNOW ABOUT COMPUTERS SHE WILL SCRATCH HER
HEAD GIVE YOU A WHOLE NEW CARD FOR FREE CARD WITHOUT EVEN OPEN.

YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY.

Engine Troubles

Hot Rod PCMy
Dell XPS 400 will make a rev up sound when I am using different
programs. It gets so bad at times that it will not let mouse or
keyboard work. I use taskmanager to end task on what ever is running at
the time. I bumped ram up to 4G’s and thought that would solve the
problem. Was ok for about a week now it is revving up again. Any help?

Hmmm…ok
let me make sure I’ve translated your problem to English correctly.
Your computer making a “rev up sound” and it is so loud that it causes
your mouse and keyboard to malfunction. And also the three ways you
have attempted to fix it so far are:

  • Used the task manager to kill unknown tasks at random
  • Inexplicably
    purchased twice as much RAM as you could ever possibly need to remedy a
    problem which almost certainly has nothing at all to do with memory

  • Stumbled
    moaning to your computer in a drunken stupor and smashed out this
    nonsensical plea for help into your malfunctioning keyboard before
    collapsing and heaving sobs into a mountain of soiled grey laundry
    while the fans in your PC droned ominously in the background

Am
I pretty close to the mark there? But hey, if you want to know how to
fix it, I think you were on the right track with your ill-concieved
schemes. But I don’t think you went far enough; you might want to try
some more things which make little or no sense. So here’s what I
suggest you do if the “revving” starts again:Kid Punch

  • Disinterestedly toss playing cards into an upside-down hat
  • Put your hands to your ears and say, “Aaaaauuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh.” and then stop doing this after a while
  • Punch the air with your legs planted far apart while shouting “Si-aya, si-aya!”
  • Repeat the ends of sentences under your breath after you say them (after you say them…)
  • Get
    into a car and drive until the car runs out of gas and then get out of
    the car and walk just keep walking and if anyone asks you where you are
    going don’t say anything just keep walking and looking straight ahead

Good luck everyone, and happy computing!

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