Worthless Guide to Antisocialism: Part 2

This
is the trickiest form of repulsion to pull off by far. It requires
rock-solid concentration, dedication, and a great deal of preparation.
For some, it may even be simpler to just deal with people rather than
try to learn this form. But of course there is a trade off for all this
effort. Those who master the form of The Ghost often become nearghosts. They are able to slide through any public or social
situation unnoticed, doing what they please, when they please. Security
cameras will even have trouble capturing their image. Truly these are
the Zen masters of Antisocialism.

By
performing this act successfully, you will be but a smudge on the
memory of anyone you happen to come into contact with (that is, if they
notice you at all). Your appearance will facilitate this.

1. Avoid
   Bright or High-Contrast Colors. Do not wear blacks, whites, or any
   bright primary colors. Stripes are out, as are checkered patterns and
   camouflage (this is not the jungle after all, and if it is: why are you
   in the jungle?).

2. Pastels are Best. Pastels are
   pleasing to the eye without being too pleasing. They also release
   endorphins in those who see them, causing a dopey haze to fall over the
   viewer’s mind and affecting memory. Most people’s minds are already in
   a dopey haze anyway as they stumble around a shopping mall with a dumb
   look on their face, and pastels will usually push them over the edge,
   potentially causing them to sit quietly and gaze into the fountain with
   a far-off look in their eyes.
   

3. Grays Are Not OK. If
   you’re going to be somewhere with a lot of bright, gaudy colors (such
   as downtown Tokyo during a riot, or a carnival), don’t be an idiot and
   wear gray clothes. Imagine looking at a canvas spattered with paint
   comprised of all the colors of the rainbow. Then imagine there is a
   single grey spot on this painting. The viewer will notice this spot
   immediately and say to him or herself “what a queer grey spot”. You are
   this spot, and it is your goal not to be noticed, so dress accordingly.

4. Makeup
   When Required. If you have a lot of blemishes blend them into your face
   with some makeup. Also, if you have any distinguishing facial features
   like a large nose or jutting brow, you should attach some prostheses
   and blend them as well. Your face should be unremarkable, but not
   astonishingly so.  
   

While
appearance is undoubtedly the most important part of Ghosting, it is
not to say it is the only important part. Behavior also plays a
significant role. You can dress however you want, but if you’re dashing
around licking items or firing a semiautomatic weapon, there’s a good
chance somebody is going to take notice of you. Follow these rules to
blend in.

There
are certain situations when no amount of appearance or behavior
alteration will disguise our presence. Weather you are an asian woman
in the Big and Tall store, or a white man running for mayor in West
Baltimore, there are some situations where you are going to stick out
like a sore thumb no matter what you do. The solution is simple: Hide.
Find a circular rack of clothing you can crawl into the middle of, slip
into an air vent, roll yourself up in a large piece of carpeting, or do
anything else you can do to get out of sight until the coast is clear.
It may not be dignified, but it’s the only way.

Do not skip, do not run, do not creep. Glide.
To glide means to move easily through groups of people. You must weave
between them, twisting and moving your torso without even so much as
touching another person. You are threading a person-needle through a
moving haystack of hay-people. Also, this is most likely the stupidest
and most ridiculous analogy that has even been put into writing. And
yet I feel no shame.

You
should never be standing still. This gives others a chance to fix their
gaze on you and capture your soul. On the off chance that another human
being does happen to look at you for more than a few seconds, simply
move slowly behind a nearby obstruction (such as a pillar or potted
fern) while looking off into space.

Your
facial expression should not technically exist. Imagine this scenario:
You’ve just smelled the most horrible thing, but don’t want anybody
around to know that you smell it. Make that face.

Killers
are a fascinating bunch of people. Most of us are interested in them,
but there aren’t too many people who want to hold a conversation with
one. This most probably has to do with a human’s fear of being
murdered, but who can say for sure?

For The Killer form, you
must choose one of two styles: The Serial style or the Psychotic style.
Think carefully before you choose, because once you start down one path
it is usually quite difficult to turn back.

The
Serial style is usually best for more standoffish types. It is far more
subtle than its counterpart, but is also more difficult to pull off. As
was discussed in the introduction, this style is not for everyone. You
should possess what might only be described as a sickening beauty. This
goes for both men and women, and should not be misinterpreted as a
beauty so great that it makes a person sick. It’s something else
entirely, and difficult to explain. Imagine looking at an attractive
face very closely, and seeing nothing in the eyes. Not sadness or anger
or curiosity, nothing. Some pictures might clear it up:

This
style is not so ambiguous. People will certainly know a Psychotic when
they see one, both by his appearance and his actions. Here are some psychotics:

I
don’t feel I have to go through in-depth behaviors for these styles,
they are mostly self-explanatory. The serial style is based mostly on
psychical appearance and involves a lot of staring through
people when you look at them, and tilting your head like a bird and
smiling in such a way that people can see just the tiniest hint of
depravity in it.

For the Psychotic you can pretty much the same
as the Madness style, except that it involves quite a bit more
brandishing of weapons while giggling. It
should be obvious that either of The Killer styles will be effective in
limiting the number of people who approach you in social situations, so
try them out! Please note that you shouldn’t actually kill anyone, and
if you do (or already have): For shame.