Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies

Top 10 Reasons To Take Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
FDA-Approved medicine is for suckers. In case you hadn't heard...all-natural remedies are the wave of the future! Why go all-natural? The reasons are so simple that even uneducated people who don't believe in taking pills can understand them: Health and Happiness. Studies have shown that those who use herbal remedies are far healthier and far happier than those who use over-the-counter and prescription drugs. If you don't believe me, you need only look to the internet to find thousands upon thousands of poorly written Angelfire webpages cryptically citing studies of indeterminate origin as proof that herbal remedies are effective.
 
So since I'm such a huge proponent of haphazardly ingesting untested substances to cure illnesses I may or may not have, I've decided to make up this list of the ten best reasons to switch over to all-natural remedies.
 
 

10. Herbs are 100% Chemical-Free

Unlike pills, all-natural medicines do not contain any chemicals. This is a very good thing, as chemicals are quite dangerous! Ammonia, for example is an extremely dangerous chemical found in many laboratories. But plants are always natural.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a plant that could kill a person. It follows logically, then, that consuming plants would be the safest way to cure any disease.
 
 

9. Many Remedies Include Words Like "Eastern" and "Chinese" in Their Names

This means the remedies are more effective, since Chinese people are among the healthiest people in the world (they're ranked 108th in life expectancy. Second only to Jamaica, Mexico, Kuwait, and 104 other countries).
 

Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
Whaddaya mean you're out of devil's paw? This shit is ridiculous.
 
 

8. Herbal Medicines are Cheaper

Let's say you were suffering from allergies. Certainly this is no fun, but many people immediately head right to the pharmacy to pick up some factory-produced antihistamine in search of relief. This might be fine if you like to waste money on a time-tested, clinically proven drug which is known to be completely safe, but you should know that there are other organic and natural alternatives which may sometimes be cheaper.
 
For example: If you were to buy some Generic Zyrtec Antihistamine On Amazon it would be likely to cost you upwards of 5 cents PER PILL! Yikes. And these pills only last for a day? Count me out. Alternatively, you could buy 200 pills of Quercetin (a non FDA-approved supplement which may or may not reduce certain types of allergy symptoms for an indeterminate period of time) for only 15 dollars. That's a far better deal from where I'm sitting.
 
 

7. All-Natural medicines are NOT genetically modified!

I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you that genetic modification is terrible. Proponents of genetic modification claim that "we can only end world hunger by genetically modifying food". Whether this is true or not is beside the point. The real question is: Is it better for these poor people to slowly and painfully waste away due to starvation as free men, or to live as a slave under the oppressive reign of genetically modified frankenfoods? I think the answer is clear.
 
We must fight to keep our food and medicines pure! If the lord god had wanted is to splice genes, he would've given us test tubes for hands.
 
 
Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
Oh, stop complaining. We're saving you from genetically modified corn!
 
 

6. No Side Effects

If you've ever seen a commercial for a drug on TV, then you're well aware of the terrifying side-effects that will arise when you pop prescription or over-the-counter pills. Another advantage of herbs and all-natural remedies is that they cause none of these side effects. In fact, they cause none at all.
 
Of course, there is still plenty of misinformation out there, such as on this page, where somebody has listed the "side effects" of more than 40 commonly-thought-to-be-side-effect-free herbs in a futile attempt to discredit the alternative medicine industry.
 
Nice try fellas, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that the drug companies have hired someone to write a number of highly detailed scientific articles condemning herbs and submitting them to publications such as The American Journal of Medicine and The Journal of Ethnopharmacology so that they can then proceed to cite them as a source on a Wikipedia entry filled with scandalous lies!
 
It would only take me moments to discredit any of this nonsense, but frankly I haven't the time right now (as I am currently locked into a furious Kava Kava and Passionflower binge), but pay these charlatans no heed.
 
 

5. Evidence Proves the Efficacy of Herbal Remedies

You need only to perform a quick internet search to find thousands upon thousands of first, second, third, and fifteenth-hand impossible-to-verify accounts vaguely describing miraculous cures and recoveries which may be attributable to natural medicines or herbs. If such evidence is to be believed, we stand at the precipice of a medicinal revolution unlike any humanity has ever known.
 
Imagine a world where diseases like Polio and Smallpox are all but eliminated. Imagine a world where most (if not all) of your children survive past the age of two. Imagine a world where a man is able to keep a substance in his very own home which, when ingested, would alleviate the minor aches and pains of daily life with no adverse effects whatsoever. Imagine this world, and you have imagined a world brought about by all-natural remedies. You must believe me when I tell you that creating such a world is not so far-fetched as it may seem.
 
 
Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
Inventor of the Polio Vaccine Jonas Salk
(Shown here poisoning a small child)
 
 

4. Pharmaceutical Companies are Evil & Government Oversight is Corrupt

Laboratory drugs like Tylenol and Advil are created and sold by pharmaceutical companies. These companies need to make a profit and are therefore nothing more than poison peddlers and body rapists. Most herbs, on the other hand, are grown by bearded farmers in fields. You can't really beat that for safety.
 
Not to mention that although there is no real evidence proving this, it's pretty clear to most of us that the FDA is in bed with all the drug companies. This means their so-called regulation of drugs and foods is meaningless.
 
All-natural medicines, being entirely unregulated, do not have this problem. Think of the current supplement market as a sort of return to the "Good Old Days" when a man could put whatever he wanted in a bottle and sell it on the street corner as medicine. You might think this would be unsafe, but shockingly, it is even safer than the current system.
 
The people selling herbal remedies are honest, hard-working folk. If their medicine turns out to be poisonous, dangerous, or even lethal (forcing the FDA to step in and ban it for them out of concern for the public's welfare) you can be darned sure they'll feel bad about it. Many times they'll even issue a sincere apology, which is more than I can say for most drug companies out there.
 
 

3. No Worries About Nutritional Information or Dosage

One of the most bothersome things about drugs, is the wealth of information available to users of them. Every time I see someone reading through the overly detailed pamphlets pharmacies are required by law to provide to users of prescription medications, I just have to roll my eyes. Don't these people realize that all this could be avoided by simply taking an all-natural supplement?
 
Most herbal supplement manufacturers don't even bother to include dosage amounts on their packaging. And why should they? If it works, it works. There wouldn't really even be any way to verify that the information was accurate anyway, so there's really no need for all scientific mumbo-jumbo.
 
Most bottles will say something like "Take twice a day with food" or "mash into paste and take with breakfast and dinner". This is really convenient for people like me who dislike following instructions. I normally just eat however much of the product I feel like eating. One day I might eat an entire pound on an empty stomach, others I'll just consume a single gram after finishing a huge steak dinner. It doesn't even matter.
 
 
Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
Seeing as I do not recognize any of these words,
I shall simply assume all these ingredients are harmful.
 
 

2. Educated Folks Won't Interfere in Your Life

Have you ever been to the doctor? If so, you'd know that today's physicians are nothing more than a salesman with a fancy college degree in "pushing honest folk around". Oh, what's that you say Doc? Sticking a needle full of $260 saltwater into my body is going to ensure that I don't contract diphtheria? Whatever.
 
Those who practice herbalism don't require inoculations. For your information, I drink Ginseng & Magnesium tea. Ever heard of it? It's been said to stave off viral infections of the body, but I'm sure you knew that, seeing as you're a DOCTOR and all. In any case, I haven't gotten diphtheria yet. Guess that just goes to show you that inoculations are a scam. Nice try though.

 

1. Herbal Remedies are Ancient

From the brave and honest cavemen of the African Savannah to the wily and inscrutable Chinamen of the Orient, Herbalism has been practiced in some form or another since the dawn of mankind. It doesn't take a genius to see that modern medicine is bringing us further and further from this time-tested medicinal wisdom.
 
Instead of continuing to utilize the natural cures and grass-based remedies by our forefather's forefathers, we are raping the organic soul of humanity by poisoning ourselves with chemicals from a science laboratory. Is this to be called progress? I think not.
 
 
Top 10 Reasons to Use Herbal & All-Natural Remedies
Yep, looks right to me.
Good job ancient China.
 

Final Word

My hope today is that I have converted you into a believer in (if not a practitioner of) all-natural medicine. Honestly, I feel sorry for you, and I also do not envy the cold, logical, fact-based world of "explanations" and "competent research" that you, the purse-lipped, squint-eyed few, choose to reside in.
 
The bottom line is that if we humans hope to survive, we must return to using herbal remedies! This is the one and only way we can share the healthful, well-rounded lifestyles and 20-46 year life expectancies that our streetwise herbalist ancestors enjoyed.
 

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