REVIEWS

The Baron's Film Korner: Spider-Man

Spider KidBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
If I had to choose a single superhero movie series to bring with me to a desert island, I would most definitely (or as they say in the streets “most deaf”) choose the Spider-Man Thrillogy.

These movies have everything a boy (or possibly a lesbian) could want. Action, love, mystery, and spider webs. I was going to dress in my childhood spiderman costume to write this, but it had one of those sharp plastic masks and it cut my face so I threw it out. Prepare to be whisked away into the web of fun weavened by Spiderman.

Review: Some Gloves I Once Bought

GlovesThere are plenty of gloves which have become famous thoughout history. OJ Simpson's gloves for example, are famous for being soaked with the blood of innocents, and also for not fitting their alleged owner's hands properly.

Hmm...actually that's the only pair of famous gloves I can think of. Guess I should've thought this intro through better. Oh well, no going back now. Here's a review of some gloves I found at a store.

Menacing Phone Calls I Have Received: Comcast

Phone CallSure, making harassing phone calls can be fun (just ask anyone who's worked in telemarketing), but what about receiving them? If you're not sure, why don't you take some time to find out? Do what I do: Rack up thousands of dollars in debt on multiple credit cards, and then just let it sit there.

Don't pay a dime. Then, if anyone from the company calls with a friendly reminder, just screech into the phone, bang it on the desk a few times, and hang it up. Soon the collection agencies will begin to call, and you'll be well on your way to vaguely threatening phone call heaven.

The Baron's Film Korner: Iron Man

Iron ManBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
“Holla, me gusto La Baron, pero yo quiero los videojuegos!” For those of you who don’t speak Spanish, what I just said was “Hello, my name is The Baron and I love movies!” It’s a fun little exersize in ethnic languages, and it doesn't hurt that it's true too. Me and my big & beautiful girlfriend Tina live for films. Who ever said large girls don't know how to have fun? Certainly not me.

Today I’m going to be reviewing two very different (but very similar) superhero films. The first is The Iron Man starring Robert Downing Junior, and the second is the George Clooney vehicle Michael Clayton.

The Baron's Film Korner: Hulks

HulkmaniaBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
Greetings viewers, it’s your old pal The Baron here again with another great article! I apologize for not writing sooner, but my social life tends to get in the way. I’ve had to attend to the needs of my large and lovely girlfriend Tina lately, as she’s been down in the dumps ever since our dog Frenchie became pinned under the sink (don’t ask).  

Dead pugs aside; my life has been pretty sweet and sassy lately, partially due to the large number of superhero movies which have recently graced our theaters. So this  will cover the two Hulk films (the new one, and the old classic). I plan on making this a series so consider yourselves lucky.

Review: Things I Have Punched

Punched

I think I have a real rage problem. When I get frustrated I tend to punch or throw products and equipment. Maybe deep down I really have a problem with my own consumerism or something, who knows.

Eyepod Plus Plus

Eyepod

Let me just preface this by saying that I hereby refuse to use the proper “brand” spelling or capitalization when writing i-POd. I’m deliberately going to punctuate it differently every time I use it too, just to spite the OCD advertising executives over at a**le (Yeah, real big victory right? Maybe six people will see this).

Random Object Reviews: Part Two

Random Stuff

From time to time I find certain items lying around the house. That’s it. I just find different things sometimes; I have nothing else to say. But hmm… I guess I’ll need more than that to fill an entire article huh?

Awful Scifi Tech: The 6th Day & Total Recall (Creepy Android Edition)

6th Day
By Kevin
Funnyman Arnold Schwarzenegger has starred in two reasonably popular science fiction films, The 6th Day and Total Recall. Aside from taking place in the future and being goofy to the point of near insanity, these films also share another common trait: They both contain supercreepy androids. In The 6th Day it’s SimPal Cindy, a gape-mouthed animatronic mannequin child with beady eyes. In Total Recall it’s JohnnyCab, who looks a bit like an evil ventriloquist dummy version of Don Knotts dressed like a 1920s bus driver. Be warned that this article contains a number of frightening pictures and videos of these creatures, so it should probably not be viewed by small children or pets.

Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune

Dune Fatman

Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely religious threats, everyone wears unflattering jumpsuits, and seemingly, only three colors of paint exist: brown, green, and burnt orange. But most importantly, Dune takes place in a future where humans have seemingly disregarded all previous technological advancements in favor of a bunch of crappy stuff they found in junkyard somewhere.
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