REVIEWS

Review: Clash of the Titans 3D

Review - Clash of The Titans 3D- 19th Century Gentleman
By The Sentient Portrait of an Early 19th Century Gentleman
Early 19th Century GentlemanUpon the morning's first light, I vacated my diggings and pointed my velocipede towards the local theater, my intentions being to view the latest moving picture: Clash of the Titans. Upon my arrival I was put into a fine pucker upon discovering that a gape-mouthed boodle of border ruffians had seen fit to congregate at the entrance. My first inciliation was to absquatulate then and there, but as it had been a coon's-age since I had attended a performance of this sort, I soon acquiesced.
 
I planked down the funds required (far from a pittance, I assure you!) and made my way into the theater at full chisel, more than a bit wrathy at the shine-cuttings of the soaplocks who filled the lobby.

Christian Game Review: Bayonetta

Christian Game Review - Bayonetta
Christian Game Reviewer - Lucas BellHi there fellow Christians. My name is Lucas Bell, and I'm a professional video game reviewer and professional video game lover. I began writing game reviews in 1988, when I noticed the godlessness that pervaded most popular videogames at the time. These games contained dinosaurs, rock and roll, and kissing. Sorry game developers but the only kissing I'll be doing is with the lord, through prayer, so count me out!
 
Since I knew there was no chance of games being created for true Christians (Christians are now a minority!) I decided to begin reviewing games from a Christian perspective so that others would easily avoid those which contain demonics, disrespect of the elderly, or sex with children (as most games nowaday do!)
 
Today I'll be taking a look at Bayonetta, a game which is about as far from God's holy love as one can get without being in hell itself. Please be warned that this review is not suitable for children.
 

Monster Cables Rule!

  Monster Cables Rule!
As a fully certified and 100% accredited A/V equipment Artificer, I've always known deep in my heart that Monster Cables were an amazing value. What I didn't realize is HOW amazing. I've conducted a good deal of research on home theatering during the many years that I've spent serving my country as a technical videosystem and speaker wire installer, but I had never looked into Monster Cables in-depth. That is, until a year ago when I happened to come across Monster's premier DVI cable with 24 Karat Gold Contact Connectors at a local Best Buy. Needless to say, I was more than a little impressed! Gold is normally quite expensive, but this cable was being sold for under $100! I purchased three of them without hesitation.
 
I arrived home, hooked one up to my monitor, and turned it on. Upon seeing what was on the screen, I nearly soiled myself with glee. Not only was the image crystal clear, but my monitor was displaying more colors than ever, colors I didn't even know existed! And not only that, but my games and videos ran faster than ever. It was glorious. Ever since that day, I haven't allowed anything BUT Monster Cables in my home. It was the best decision I ever made, and in the following article I hope to share with you my reasons for this.

Engrish Movie Reviews 4: Action Films!

Engrish SignSalutes to the Sun! I honestly have begun to come to a passage from which a movie or watching a movie when the most famous of the famous review.

I shall beginning the discussion of gun fighting action movies in this case (today). This type film brings action and adventure explosively to spread across the land to the audience across the globe. The films wearys since the passage of time, and quality as these orders are not works of art.

This segment which I now am in reviews the film of those which are pertaining to these matters: Die Hard, Lethalest Weapons, Jason Bourne Identity, and Turner & Hooch
 

Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 3

EngrishCertainly I do love movies and films! Oh but I should introcude myself, yes? My name is Bazul and I come from my country. I love movies and I to laugh along! Today I am to review family films.

Often I have occasion to view a film with my mother and father. Not just any film will do the deed. A parents film should be family friendly for the whole family, even grandmother, who cannot hear properly, should enjoy it.
 
That is why today I am going to speak of these favorite kids movies: Wall-E. The Wizard Oz. Coraline thank you.
 

Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 2

Engrish SignBuoyant greetings my friend, from the sunny desert land! My name is Bazul and today I reviewing more most populars of film from United State! I am happy discuss detail of the movies with great herein. More than fun adventure! Teaching you about it movies as well!
 
So here we are today, let us talk about these artistic films: The Matrix! Memento! Jaws! Truly if these films are popular, they are also made! So come joining me and reviewing them all! And diving  into the excitement of movie! Blast time!
 

Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 1

Where We're Going...We Don't Need RoadsHello and hail and well meet! My name is Bazul and I am coming from United Arab Emerate! I am here today to be talking to you about the best films of America! America is being a great country and the films of America are being great as well (if logic proceeds)!

Some films are great, but some are greater even than others of this style! This article means to talk about only the greatest. So come with and join me to see the sights of great America films! Todays reviews are: Transformers Movie, Get Back to The Future, Ghostbuster, and The Evil Dead 2.
 
(I am translate this page for you from the language of my country, so please do not be ashamed if there are some mistakes or parts are broken).
 

5 Smells They Should Probably Make Into Candles

candleGotta tell you: Not a big fan of the whole scented candle thing. Never have been. The problem is that these scents they choose for the candles are just so uninteresting. Like, I'm looking at the website for Yankee Candle right now. Look at these "top-selling" scents: Fresh Cut Roses? Tropical Fruit? Lilac Blossoms? Booo-ring! You might as well just crawl into your casket right now if you think those are interesting, because brother: You're already dead.

Then, look here, they have Beach Vacation AND Beach Walk. What the hell is the difference!? What, beach Vacation just smells like plain beach, and then for Beach Walk they include the smells of all the soiled condoms and discarded syringes you find washed up on most beaches? Awesome.
 
But anyway, these scented candle makers really need to get more creative or they are going to go out of business. Luckily I've decided to help them out by compiling this list of the candle scents I'd most (and least) like to see.
 

Doomchair: Chair of Doom

ChairAs I explained in a PREVIOUS ARTICLE, an office supply store contacted me recently asking if I would agree to post a shill review of a "FREE CHAIR" they would send me. I declined the offer on moral grounds, and by moral grounds I mean I didn't feel like writing a stupid article about a boring chair.
 
But then I got to thinking: What if I do write that article after all...but instead of writing it about one of their chairs, I'll write it about a different chair. Yeah! That'll be great! Then not only will I NOT receive a free chair, but I'll also still have to waste an hour and a half writing a pointless and uninteresting chair-related article which nobody would possibly have any interest in reading anyway.

Here I go.

Airborne: Nose Candy For Noses

AirborneWhat is Airborne? Why, a popular dietary supplement of course! Like most other dietary supplements, it has never actually been proven to do anything. People still enjoy spending money on it though, because it's the easiest way for them to feel like they're taking care of themselves without actually having to do any real work (such as exercising or not eating twelve Ho-Hos in an hour).
 
I'd been hearing a whole lot about this fascinating product lately, so out of curiosity I decided to purchase a bottle. Then I thought about how much work that would be and decided against it. Then I thought, "Eh, what the hell, I might as well just go do it." and got up from my chair. But as I began walking toward the door, I thought I felt a bit of a headache coming on and figured I'd better lie down for a minute. Then I fell asleep. I didn't end up buying any of the Airborne after all. But I did compile these 100% TRUE FACTS about it.
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