Pickup Lines: Worst of The Worst (Part 2)

CONTINUED FROM PART I

Pick-up Lines: Just Plain Lame

These lines come from a large (and astoundingly poorly arranged) compilation of what appear to be user-submitted pickup lines. It also lists the number of attempts and successes people claim to have had with them. As you might've guessed from the title of this site, these lines are supposed to be deliberately lame. A nice try, but it does little to excuse the content.


"I'd marry your cat just to get in the family."

CatsI’m not sure this would even be considered a pickup line per-se, because the goal the speaker seems to be working towards is getting into the girl’s family, not having sex with her. Or maybe he's got a flair for incest, and plans to become her relative and then move on to the sex. I guess we all gotta have goals in life.

But honestly, I don't care if it this line is a joke, it brings up so many disturbing mental images what with the bestiality reference and the apparent implication of inbreeding that I wouldn’t even recommend using it kiddingly. Yeeck.



"Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy."

Nerd ManchildIt's pretty obvious that some freak with dual videocards and flames on his PC submitted this "hilarious" line one night at the height of a Mountain Dew bender. But what puzzles me is that for a nerd, they sure don't seem to know much about computer parts.

For example: I will grant him that the common size for a desktop hard drive is 3.5 inches. But if he's trying to say his “hard drive” (penis) ISN’T 3.5 inches, this means that the only other size of hard drive he could be referencing would be a laptop drive, which would mean the line was impling that his penis was smaller than 3.5 inches. That's some ill-concieved bragging.

And if I'm gonna be a stickler about it, who's going to assume a hard drive would be floppy anyway? The idea of a floppy hard drive is ridiculous; hard drives must be stable and rigid by design. I think the term he might have been searching for is Disk Drive. But then again, that wouldn't be right because disk drives are rigid too. He probably meant to say DISK. At this point you’re so close to the word you were implying that you might as well just change the S to a C and be done with it.


Guy: I bet you're a C-cup.

Girl: How'd you know that?

Guy: My testicles are the same size.

This is another inaccurate one; let me fix it quick:

Guy: I bet you're a C-cup.
Girl: **** off.
Guy: Don’t mind if I do!
Boyfriend: (walking up) Dude, what the F*** did you just say to my girlfriend?
Guy: Whoa, nothing man I was just joking around I swear!
Boyfriend: Just joking huh? Here, I’ve got a joke for you, you piece of S*** (pulls out a handgun)
Guy: (Drops to knees, sobbing) Oh god no! Please don’t! Nooo! Pleeease..
Girl: Troy don’t!
Guy: (turning away) Nopleasegodn- *Blam*

Gun

Suggestions

When I went looking for these lines I knew there would be terrible ones, but even the worst of them were more childish than outright offensive. This disappointed me a little, so I decided think up some pretty offensive lines that a bigot could use on different types of people.


Someone in a Wheelchair "Hey look everyone, a cripple!" (Tip over the chair)
Overweight Person "Boy, you sure are a fat piece of garbage aren’t you? Here, have some more food fatty!" (Smash a cheeseburger in their face)
Older Man/Woman "Hey, you wanna go out some time? Oh wait never mind, I didn’t notice you were a hundred and forty years old. I hope you drop dead you withered old piece of jerky."
Blind Person (Offer to help them across a busy street and then when you get to the median dash to the opposite curb alone while shouting “Good Luck Blindy!”)
Daryl Strawberry "Darrrrrrryl!...Darrrrrrryl!...Darrrrrryl!"
(A single tear rolls down his cheek)
Dumb Person "I wonder what sound a huge stupid idiot makes when punched? Let’s find out!" (Punch them)
Deaf Person (Scream as loud as you can in their face and then mouth: “Did you just hear something?”)
Homeless Person "Let's go back to your place."
Midget or Dwarf "You are a midget."
(Smash a cheeseburger in their face)


End