Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 1.5: Werewolf Q&A

Wolfy
By The Baron
Werewolves are intriguing creatures, and like most other monsters there is a lot of misinformation floating around about them. Luckily I have been asked to shed some light on the subject in this series of monster Q&As, beginning with werewolves (also see the werewolf guide HERE). They have also asked world renowned "monster expert" Art Crumb to co-author these articles with me. Frankly, I'm a bit offended by this, as I have had personal experiences and actually seen nearly every type of monster before (including werewolves). Some of my close friends even refer to me as "The Beastmaster". Impressive, no?

Part 1 - Werewolves
Part 1.5 - Werewolf Q&A
Part 2 - Mummies
Part 3 - Vampires




Q. You really saw a werewolf before? I didn't think they were real.

A. The Baron: Ha! If werewolves weren't real do you really think that we would be spending all this time answering your questions about them? I have far better things to do, trust me! I personally have seen three werewolves in my lifetime, and my friend Dane was nearly transformed into one (believe it or not!). So think about that next time you call me a liar, or one day you may wake up dead from bites.

    Art Crumb: There is little actual evidence of lycanthropic creatures. If there were, the chances are high that we would have captured or killed one of these creatures for study. Maybe if we could get the Baron’s friend in for some tests we might learn a little more about these mysterious creatures.

    The Baron: Nice try. It is impossible for you to do any werewolf tests on Dane because he never actually transformed. I actually saved him from making the full transformation by my own secret method (and I’m not about to go blabbing it on the internet). Sometimes I think he still does experience symptoms of were-ism though. For example when he uses the bathroom I hear strange huffing sounds, his fingernails grow twice as fast as normal (and pointy), and his entire body is covered with a thin layer of coarse hair. That’s more than enough evidence for me.

Nightwolf

Q. Do werewolves only transform during a full moon?

A. Art Crumb: Much of the lore surrounding them says that they must transform during this time, but there is no clear consensus on whether or not this is the case.

    The Baron: I once read a book called Der Anruf des Werewolf (The Call of the Werewolf) which tells the one true story of how one becomes a werewolf. It is written in German, but as I am fluent in this (as well as numerous other languages) I can translate the passage in question. It says:

Wenn ein Mann die Reflexion eines Vollmonds innen durch das Licht eines laufenden Körpers des Wassers ansieht, macht er gänzlich zu einen Werewolf in vierzehn Tagen

This means (roughly translated of course):

If a man regards the reflection of a full wax moon inside by the light of a current running switfly body of the water, he completely makes a who wolf in fourteen days or less or more

As you can see, the German language is pretty much just gibberish. I will reference it no more.

Wolftree

Q. Are werewolves immortal?

A. Crumb: I do not believe any material creature is immortal. Matter can always be displaced or converted. Werewolves may be much harder to injure or age more gracefully than humans though. While transformed, were-creatures are likely converting large amounts of energy (possibly gained from lunar sources). This might allow for almost instantaneous healing, which may be why they may be seen as immortal. Although lore seems to indicate that silver might adversely affect this ability. It might be that silver cleans the blood of impurities (such as types of radiation utilized by the lycanthrope).

    The Baron: Wrong.



Q. Are there other types of were-beasts?

A. Crumb: With there being so many variations on humanity across the globe, it would make sense that the creatures that might cause lycanthropy would vary just as widely. So while it would make sense for were-animals in Europe and North America to be wolves, African variations would likely present themselves as were-lions. The trend in those creatures affected by lycanthropy seems to skew towards carnivorous mammals (although this may just be what has been observed thus far).

    The Baron: Well well well Dr. Crumb (if you are really a doctor as you claim to be) You talk the talk but can you walk the talk? You claim that there could be were bears or lions, but have you ever actually seen one? Helpful hint: The answer is no, of course you haven't seen one in your little laboratory where you probably stick pins and needles into monkeys to test cosmetics and hair transplants.

Where will it end? Will the world be overrun by armies of were-donkeys, were-fish, were-lobsters, and were-monkeys? Well, actually a were-monkey would probably just act like a human, but it would still be ridiculous! The fact is that of course there are not other types of were-beasts. It is absurd to think that just because you see a half-human half-cricket walking around that it is a were-beast. It could just be a mutant, think about it.

    Crumb: I do not claim to be a doctor. I am simply learned about many of the cultural mythos surrounding classic "monsters". This is likely why I was asked to share my knowledge with everyone here.

Wolf Drawing
Great Picture of a werewolf I drew

Q. If I wanted to become a werewolf, how would I go about doing this?

A. Crumb: The most commonly excepted way to become a werewolf is to be scratched or bitten (though it is unlikely for you to experience a werewolf attack where the beast would not kill the victim completely). If you were to survive the encounter, the likely reason for a transformation into a man/animal would be an alteration to your DNA. It is thought that this is caused by a virus transmitted by fluid and transfer activated (as lore would suggest) via an increase in lunar light and or radiation. Within the next lunar cycle, the transformation should take place.

    The Baron: I have never seen so much misinformation in my life. First of all, the most common way of becoming a werewolf is to accidentally breed with one. It happens in many cases where a person is trying to pet or feed a beloved pet in a darkened barn, and instead they feed a werewolf. They see this as a "come on" (a slang word for wanting to have sex) and the werewolf breeds with the person whether they like it or not. Some people might enjoy this, others may not. I am not here to judge, but I just so you know having love with animals is wrong.



I'd like to thank everyone for learning more about werewolves. If anyone has more questions you can feel free to ask them with the contact link at the bottom.