Worthless Guide to Social Graces - Part 4: Japanese Culture

Japan
Japan! They don’t call it The City of Angels for nothing. Many people live there, and a number events have been known to take place within its borders. But this article isn’t about any of that. It’s just that I’ve gotten a number of imaginary requests for a complete list of thirty-one (31) things which are considered shameful and impolite in Japan. So here, I’ve finally posted it. This will be the final article in the social graces series. Be careful out there.

Part 4 - Japanese Customs
Part 3 - More Table Manners
Part 2 - Table Manners
Part 1 - Restrooms

 

  1. Getting in a car accident for fun

  2. Pressing buttons on an ATM machine

  3. Using a bath towel to dry an elderly man who has fallen into a puddle

  4. Inviting someone to a party without their permission

    Kids Party

  5. Listening to an entire Jethro Tull album without skipping a track

  6. Barking like a dog in any non-sexual situation

  7. Setting the minutes on an alarm clock

  8. Slapping a punching bag with an open palm while shouting "Hyah!"

    Punching Bag

  9. Angrily throwing stones into a pond

  10. Causing your voice to crack on purpose

  11. Saying "Hey let go of my arm." in Japanese if a Japanese guy grabs your arm

  12. Frolicking or prancing in fields of wheat

    Wheat

  13. Touching a lightbulb with your fingers or eyes while changing it

  14. Playing a quick succession of sixteenth notes on any bass guitar while craning your neck

  15. Attempting to breathe underwater like Aquaman (Aquaman is a fake character)

  16. Visiting a flea market while intoxicated upon the sweet nectar of love

    Flea Market

  17. Shaking a dumb cheap pen which has nearly run out of ink, stupid thing

  18. Screaming "Yikes!" if you spot a shark in the ocean

  19. Having your leg fall asleep when any pet has lied down upon it

  20. Standing atop a moving train, subway, or tram car while whooping boisterously

    Trainride

  21. Answering any phone which has rung

  22. Trying to guess the make and model of a car at night by its headlights

  23. Pressing the Page Up key on any Japanese keyboard without good reason

  24. Lashing (or pretending to lash) an adult horse with a whip

    Whip Horse

  25. Lip-syncing in front of a crowd while sweating bullets

  26. Jogging in place while wearing a striped tracksuit

  27. Renting any boat or electric scooter with ill intent

  28. Wondering what would happen if gravity reversed and we all fell into the sky

    Clouds Sky

  29. Deliberately coming in first in a pinewood derby

  30. Shouting out “Rah!” in a no parking zone in a futile attempt to ward off evil spirits

 


That's pretty much it. Well, there is one more item on this list, but it's: "Listing everything that’s considered shameful in Japan." If I were to put that on the list, obviously that would be a major social blunder. So I won't.