Pole Dancer

Say goodbye to dull and uninteresting parties forever, with
our ALL NEW
Life of the Party Exotic Dancing service! Here’s how it works:
Simply call our toll free, easy-to-dial 800
number (1-800-544-1345) and Life of the Party will possibly send one of our
kooky and erotic strippers to the venue of your choice, absolutely free of
charge
! They might show up, but then again, they might not! The mystery is part
of the fun with Life of the Party Exotic Dancers! You supply the barbeque,
we supply the beef!

Now let’s meet just a few of our wet and wild dancers, any
of whom could show up on YOUR doorstep TODAY!

 

 

Crazy Eddie

Crazy Uncle Eddie

Quote:

“Yeaaaaaaaaaaarrrgggggggghh!”

 

Crazy Uncle Eddie is the wild and wacked out owner of Crazy
Eddie’s Motors in Downtown Havenbrook. And while this guy might not be your
real uncle, but he actually IS crazy: Literally! Eddie was formally indicted by a federal court on a number of caaraaaazzzy charges, some of which
include: Armed Robbery, Nonconsensual Sodomy, Kidnapping, and Felony Child
Endangerment
! Accept no substitutes; he’s the real thing folks!

 

Eddies got the moves, and he isn’t afraid to show them! Here
are some of Crazy Ed’s On-stage Specialties:

  • The Spread Eagle
  • Knocking over drinks with elbow
  • Shouting Ethnic Slurs While Slapping Own Rear-End
  • Forceful Groping
  • The
    Katmandu

    Shuffle

  • Petty Theft (Silverware, liquor, change, etc.)

 

 

 

Dancing Pastor

The Reverend Krumb Kelley

 

Quote:

“You always hear folks preachin’ bout the body and the
blood. Well I don’t know much about blood, but I got the body for you right
here!”

 

Fan your brow female parishioners, because the Reverand’s
about to put the fear of god into your loins! Krumb Kelley is a famed
televangelist, and he’s on a mission from god: To let it all hang out! After
spending more than thirty years of unsuccessfully attempting to cast sin out of
society, this holy man had a change of heart: If you can’t beat em, join em!
Now he’s traded dignity for dollar bills, and removes his robes in exchange for
a little donation in his elastic collection plate! But don’t assume this
reverend’s lost his faith in the almighty; he still recites scripture and sings
songs of praise while performing! We’d like to see Jerry Fallwell try that!

 

Here are some of the moves and songs in Rev. Kelly’s
repertoire:

  • The Splits of
    Turin
  • That Old Wooden T - Song
  • Cruci-funk-cion Body Popping
  • Two Guys Named Dave - Interpretive Dance Condemning
    Same-Sex Marriage

  • Y’all N****** Ain’t S*** (Compared to God’s Love) feat.
    Lil’
    Scoop - Song

 

 

 

White Rabbit

The White Rabbit

 

Quote:

(Stares, wide-eyed)

 

Old Rabbit here might look straight-laced, but once he gets
a few grams of amphetamine in him: Watch out! He turns in to the world’s
wildest party animal, so be sure and have the number for animal control and a
rabies vaccine on hand; he bites! This dashing young gent spends most
of his time slaving away as a clerk at Strichner, Olson, and Richards Law
offices, but when the weekend rolls around, watch out ladies (and
nonheterosexual men)! This unrestrained bundle of energy will have his clothes
off
and be thrusting wildly in your elderly aunt’s face before you’ve even
heard the doorbell ring!

 

Rabbit is one of our most popular dancers, and once you read
this list of his moves, we’re sure you’ll understand why:

  • The Herk-and-Jerk
  • Foaming at the Mouth
  • Longing Glances at Underaged Girls While Eagerly Licking
    Lips

  • Compulsively Disassembling and Reassembling Complex Pieces
    of Machinery or Engine Parts

  • The Thrustmaster 3000

 

 

So run to the phone now, and dial our TOLL FREE number
(1-800-544-1345), and receive your first Life of the Party Exotic Dancer 100%
FREE of charge
! Yes, that’s right, we said free! Our Life of the Party Dancers
are great fun for Bachelorette parties, weddings, and family reunions! There’s
no risk or obligation, so there’s no reason at all for you NOT to call! In
fact, you would literally have to be a complete
MORON

if you didn’t pick up the phone RIGHT THIS INSTANT and dial that TOLL FREE
number. IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE!!! The dance of a lifetime awaits you…