The Baron's Film Korner: Spider-Man

Spider KidBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
If I had to choose a single superhero movie series to bring with me to a desert island, I would most definitely (or as they say in the streets “most deaf”) choose the Spider-Man Thrillogy.

These movies have everything a boy (or possibly a lesbian) could want. Action, love, mystery, and spider webs. I was going to dress in my childhood spiderman costume to write this, but it had one of those sharp plastic masks and it cut my face so I threw it out. Prepare to be whisked away into the web of fun weavened by Spiderman.

Spider Man One

SpidermanThe first Spider Man literally came out of nowhere to smack us movie-lovers in the face. When I first saw a commercial for the trailer, I said it looked stupid and threw a cup of ice that was on the coffee table at the television. My father (who was visiting at the time) shouted at me “Why did you do that?!” I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. Parents (even older ones) just don’t get it sometimes.

But anyway, any doubts I might have had about Toby MickGuire (star of the Cider House Rules and Icestorm) as Peter Parker (spider man) were washed away when I saw the film on opening night. I guess you could say my spider sense was tingling. From the first scene (I can’t quite remember it, as it was quite a while ago now) I was hooked into this fictional universe director Sam Rami had created from scratch.

Goblin GoblinThe story goes that Spiderman (Guire) is bitten by a magic spider, which gives him all the powers that spiders have. Honestly, this is the only part of the story I didn’t really believe was real. What kind of a person gets magic powers? It just doesn’t happen.

Anyway he then spends his days web-slinging around the city and getting into all sorts of jams (which he then gets out of). He meets and falls in lust with the lovely Mary J. Watson, who’s father works at the newspaper and gives Peter a job as a columnist. A one point the Hobgoblin comes into town and reaps some havoc and spidey has to take him down.Case closed.

9/10 (Amazing)

Spider Man 2

Octo-PussI don’t even know what to say about this film. It’s definitely the weakest in the series, but it’s still better than most other science fiction movies I’ve seen. The story continues to follow Peter Parker (Still played by the same actor, thankfully) as he battles the evil genius with a bowl-cut, Doctor Octopuss. Many people don’t realize it, but the look of the good Dr. is actually based on a real-life scientist: Bill Gates. In case you haven’t heard of him, he started a computer company a very long time ago and is actually quite famous.

Throughout the Spidey battles the doctor while trying to keep his social life with Mary Jane and his best friend Harold above ground. There's plenty of action for spider-fans to sink their teeth into, but there are also many humorful moments to break the ice.  I won’t ruin any of the surprises for those of you who haven’t seen it, but here’s a hint: One involves a clever nod to the spider man comic book series.

In the end, Toby and Mary J end up making love together in a web above the city, which seems dangerous, but I guess this is the movies, where grand things can happen if you only let them!

8/10 (Still Great)

Spiderman 3

Spiderman 3One thing that annoys me about these movies is that there are no sub-titles to go along with the main title. You could have gotten a lot better idea of what this movie was about if it were called Spiderman 3: The Webs if Despair, or something like that. The videogames always have those titles.

But as for the movie: I don’t think I need to tell you though, that this is the best spider-man film of all, and is even in my running for best film of all time (including made for TV movies). There is so much going on in this movie, that more casual (or just plain dumb) viewers might be overwhelmed by the plot. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, so bear with me if the facts are a bit off, but basically, it goes like this:

Spider-Man (MickGuire once again) has returned from vacation to find the city in chaos. His girlfriend Mary J has been kidnapped by The Hobgoblin (now played by Harold, Peter’s friend) who goes around gotham city throwing bombs, and there is a mysterious black goo in Peter’s apartment.

Carnage (Maxim)Soon the goo find’s it’s way into Peter’s suitcase, and melds with his suit to form the Super Spider man suit from the comics. This suit is black, and while it doesn’t look quite as cool as the regular suit, it does come with some extra powers. It allows Peter to run faster, jump higher, and he can now climb walls. It turns him evil.

So in the end, there are climactic battles with Sandmaker, Hobgoblin (now called the Green Goblin), A giant sand beast, vermon, and even Maximum Carnage (from the video games). There's also a great song and dance number (yay!) and some violence against women (boo!) but overall this movie is a rollercoaster ride of excitement.

10/10 (Superb, Amazing, Great)

Thanks to everyone who read this series, and perhaps I will return at a later date with more superhero reviews if any more films are released. But until then, feel free to EMAIL me with any comments about this article, and be sure to check out the PREVIOUS ENTRIES in Film Korner. Stay frosty out there people.