By The Baron
Ahoy again fellow dragonslayers! And welcome to The Baron’s column of blighting! In today’s column I will be talking about the online RPG game I am developing. Another name for online role playing games is MMORPG (multiperson-on-line-role-playing-game). The MMORPG game which I am creating is called Quest For Time. It will undoubtedly be one of the most successful online games ever created if I ever get the funding for it, which probably won’t be happening any time soon, my social life (LARPing & Anthrocon preparations!) gets in the way! :( Anywhoo, here is a basic outline of the races I have written up as well as some great pictures of what each race will eventually look like. I will follow up with more details when I get the time.

Part 1 - Quest For Time
Part 2 - More Ideas
Part 2 - Reader Mail
Part 3 - Battles

Unlike most MOLRPG games, Quest For Time will have quite a few original races for the player to choose from, not just the same old fantasy stuff you see over and over:



This race is quite small in frame, and quite agile to boot! Hailing from the Heavily forested forests of Thara-dail the Elle’s are very skilled at making bows and arrows too and they can shoot them quite well also! They have very fair hair, and are light skinned, the ears come to a point.

Majics: They are great at majics.

Starting Location: Dinio Castle

Leader: Veriel, the beautiful night queen of the Elle

Elle Quote: “I am one with the land.”




The Anthroes are a strange and wonderful race of men who have used majics to turn themselves into higher realm half-beasts. They are excellent fighters, and they love to party and dance. The other races do not like the Anthroes, and look down their noses at them. Anthroes can breed with both men and the animals of the forests, but they prefer animals because they are kind and gentle.


Majics: Anthroes are the best at majics. After all, they were able to transform themselves!

Starting Location: Furside Forest

Leader: King Justin Foxbourne

Anthroes Quote: Ouch! You stepped on my tail!





The Dverez are very short stock people with think beards and they love to drink alcoli. (Don’t get between a Dvrez and his drink!) This race comes from the snowy “Eitsim Mountains and are well adapted to colder temperatures and underground life. They use Axes to fight their opponents.

Majics: They are not so good at majics.

Starting Location: Grumbleskin Tavern

Leader: Thrombar the Magnificent

Dwrez Quote: “Arr… gimme’ some liquor laddy!”



The Hurans are a noble race which comes from the grassy plains or Bar-Dain. They are as tall as “men” of today, and they also speak English dialect. They are quite good with swords and shields, and they have kings. You can be sure to expect many players to want to play as this race!

Majics: They are OK at majics.

Starting Location: Azteroth Keep

Leader: King Xanthar

Huran Quote: “Hurans are the leaders and the rest merely are followers!”



The Ganoes are short little people who are not very tall. They are very good at mechanics and they can dance up a storm! Most wear glasses or goggles and players can even create flying machines to fly around in and scout the areas. They live in tiny holes in the ground and they are not too good in a fight.

Majic: They are pretty good with majics, but not TOO good!

Starting Location: Strokins Airship Store

Leader: Chancellor Perri Jingleberri

Ganoe Quote: “Hey! Just because I’m short, doesn’t mean I’m stupid!”





The Grobots are a race of magical machines that crash landed in a ship from the heavens. They are strong in battle and are a very noble race. They fight with their strong metal fists and also with mashno guns. Higher level Grobots will be able to transform into different things, and separate Grobot players can even combine to form a super grobot that will surely be a force to be reckoned with indeed!

Majic: Grobots do not need majic, their guns are so powerful.

Starting Location: The mother ship, Terra.

Leader: Prince Clank

Grobot Quote: Meek. Meek. Destroy. The. Enemys. Bloot.



Orgm are ruthless monsters that inhabit the deserts of Quest for Time. They are a warlike people, and are also quick to fight. They have large tusks and are pretty stupid. They have humorous voices and they also use these bashed up axes tied with ropes. They train their fellow Orgm in Barraxs and that’s where the new characters start. Just be careful not to cross an Orgm!

Majic: Orgm are horrible at majics, don’t even try it.

Starting Location: Anywhere they want! (But seriously Orgm can start in any forest in the newbie area)

Leader: Orgm have no leaders, they are too tough for it.

Orgm Quote: “Grr! I will slash you like a fish in the waters!”


Happy adventuring fellow travelers and be sure to Continue to Part 2!


Reader Mail

From Matt K.
Are you retarded? You claim your game will be the best ever because it has original races. In fact, all your races except one are cheap knockoffs with stupid names that sound just like the originals.

The Elleare Elves, the Dverez are Dwarves, the Huran are humans, the Ganoes are Gnomes, the Grobots are Robots, and the Orgm are ogres. Not only do they look exactly like the their original counterparts, you add nothing to them. The Gnomes are short, the humans rule all, the ogres are strong, I haven't seen that one hundred times!

If you're going to claim you are making original races, actually do it instead of giving them stupid names. And what is up with their stupid quotes, "Hey! Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm stupid!" Give me a break man. You're ether borderline retarded or ten, I can't tell. Stick to playing games, making them isn't your thing.


Well well, it looks like someone doesn't appreciate all my hard work. I expected as much, people are so quick to judge an another artist's craft... (rolls eyes). Anyways there is no call for you to refer to me as retarded, I think maybe you are the one who is retarded, friend. Retarded because you can't seem to understand the concept of originality, I have never once played an RPG game with any of the race names I have thought up, so I smell a rat.

Do not attempt to tell me about what has been done in a MMO before, I have spent much of my adult life on a role playing server for a little game called EVERQUEST. Perhaps you've heard of it? I thought so. But I just wanted to let you know that your insulting little email reached me and that I am not even going to dignify it with a response! So please do not pester the webmaster of this site with your trivials any more :)>

From U a Stupido
Dude, are you retarded? Changing the names of the races don't make them original, I could copy and paste the generic fantasy dwarf and call it a dwawerasdafvis and by your logic that would make the race original? This MMORPG (Which does not stand for multi-person online role playing game fool) will never happen because no intelligent person (Unlike yourself) would fund this project.

Seriously, what have you made or added to make them original? Your dwarvis or whatever the hell they are are the exact same as the generic dwarf, they love to drink, they are short and they have long beards. Now what have you added of your own besides the name? Nothing. Elles? Good with bows, fair skinned and pointy ears! Wow! I've never seen that before! If you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.

All your races are completely unoriginal and generic, stop making games because you are wasting your life on something that no one would ever want to play.

Ha! I bet your face is certainly a bit red right Senier Stupido (I assume you are hispanic) now if you read the previous letter. You said almost the same thing, even with the same opening line, it seems like YOU are unoriginal yourself. I suspect you just copied the previous person's email and changed the name on it! (how does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?)

Second, you are wrong on the definition of MMORPG (I looked it up on askjeeves) and also it is Dwarez not dwarvis, you had better get the name correct if you are going to be a part of this game when it is released (and I have had interest from some publishers at this point but I can't say as of yet who) so in conclusion: Begone mortal! (And PS, please stop sending me emails shouting at me, you are nothing but a bully...)

From Nick The Metal
I can't believe all these people are calling you and your game retarded. This appears to be the most original and if i do say so ingenious game of all time. All the races are so cool how did you even come up with them? I mean the Huran sound so cool almost like they could exist somewhere in our world. I can't wait to kill some Ganoes they look annoying. Well, keep up the great work I can't wait to play this game. PS: Can i be a Beta Tester, when the time comes?

Ah yes, finally somebody who appreciates all my hard work and dedication to this game. I am really glad that you can recognize true originality, you are certainly a very intelligent man if I do say so myself. To answer your question, the way I came up with the races was not easy, and it was very time consuming and I don't know if I can go into it here, but as you can see the result was certainly worth it. As for your beta tester question, yes most definitely the beta will be open for everyone who wants to participate, the more the better. Thanks for your supportive email, and P.S. don't knock the Ganoes, they are wily little critters! :)

From Bob:

Now, while I only barely browsed all that text about your MMO I have my own highly opinonated feed back.  First of all the pvp picture you showed only had 4 people fighting, hardly epic or however you described it.  With no npcs or guides your game will flop.  If people can't get basic items and a bit of direction when they start people won't play, never mind 24+ dollars a month.  That's another nail in your game's digital coffin, since 15 is the norm and your game isn't going to have much add time.

I found this joke by some link on some crappy message board that used to be good. If you actually made original characters and have a few original ideas, I highly doubt you did but again I only skimed, then maybe this joke has a chance. Other than that you're wasting everyone's time with this joke and more importantly wasting MY time by making me write this monster and tell you you're an idiot for thinking about making such a horrible waste of my time I should spend sleeping.

So in closing please re-think some of the trash I read.  Sure this may be harsh or mean or possibly vulguar, I don't think I swore, but MMOs are a dime a dozen now.  If your game doesn't provide in the way these folks want you're doomed to failure. If you at least get a chuckle out of this trash I wrote I guess it would be a smashing success.  If not then get a sense of humor and then try again on this joke of a game.

In my final closing I pray that there was a method to my maddness.  I know you got my message, I FEEL it in my bones or possibly in a more sensitive area.  I heard you like LARP, do you really shout out the damage you're doing?  How is that even possible without some dice or a simiar item?  Do people just take your word for it?  If so couldn't you say "I doth cast my ten-thousand damage point lighting bolt.  YOU LOSE!" and then go back to your house and masturbat to a picture of a cat-girl wizard?  If so where can I sign up to join such a wonderful orginasation.  If you don't want me that's fine,  I will assume I'm too hip or cool for you cats and enjoy not playing in the woods woods with foam swords.

Finally in my final closing I hope the day finds you well and you re-think this horrible joke. 



Thank you for writing in, you seem to be at least semi-civilized, unlike most of the other troglodytes who write in to insult me. But it also appears that you are some sort of drunk, which I cannot abide. As the great character Data said in an episode of Star Trek: TNG when addressing the other crew members love of alcohol: "I cannot understand what you humans see in this substance." I do not feel I am waisting anybody's time, in fact YOU are the one who waists your own and my readers time by being a mean and writing a 40 page letter to me (which I had to edit down). You also say I am doomed to failure, but this is wrong too.

Do not blame me if you didn't go to sleep. My only problem was I wrote up an intriguing proposal about a revolutionary new MMO, and you are trying to make me into a judas for it. Well just so you know, you are no Jesus H. Also, you must not know a single thing about LARPing or D&D first edition rulset LARPing (which is what I participate in) judging by your ignorant commentary on the subject. We don't use foam swords (real ones, BE CAREFUL GUYS), and YES at times we can use dice, but it does take a bit of spontaneousness out of the match to have to set up a card table to roll the dice on, but such is the price of war I suppose. But you don't understand until you have tried it the rush of adrenaline a man can get by casting Melf's Acid Arrow on an injured troll, or to snap off your last available Wall of Flame spell to hold off a horde of advancing goblins at the last second, and so you haven't truly lived and I pit you. As the bible says: Ye should not judge lest you judge yourself.

As for your last section, I would thank you not to judge my personal lifestyle. If I find cartoon animal people with ears and fur and tails attractive and real humans ugly, who is to say that this is strange. An animal never called you a name, an animal will never reject you, and an animal always shows you love. In case you weren't aware, sex with an animal is not a crime, so don't treat me like the criminal.

From Cirtsss:
do you know how to spell? it's magic not majics. how can you call all of
these other people idiots if you can't spell

Oh how ironic! Little do you know that you have just made a fool out of yourself. Of course I know that there is a concept called "magic" in other RPGs, but when I created Quest For Time I decided to allow my creativity to flow, so I came up with the idea of "Majics" (always capitalized) instead. Majics are spells or powers that creatures in the world of Quest for Time have. They are things like the ability to cast fireballs, or even to cast two fireballs if they wanted to. Also, one power can call lightning from the sky (which actually I saw one of my friends do in real life, but that is another story). I hope you learned something here.

Continue to Part 2!