The path to high school graduation is fraught with dangers. The simple days of “an apple a day”, “join choir to get out of real classes” and “taunt the fat kid until he goes insane” are long gone. Battles with bands of wild brigands, an attack from a giant squid, and the death of their […]
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George Lucas & The Wedding
We went into the church and walked over to the bar. George stood still for a moment, crossing himself and then began to wring his hands. I shook my head, touching his shoulder. “Maybe we shouldn’t.” I said, “Anyway it doesn’t seem right. How many churches do you know that keep a fully stocked bar? […]
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History of Military Terms: 2
By The Baron Hi folks, you’ve stumbled onto Part 2 of my Military Glossary. If you haven’t read part 1, it is located HERE.
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Anger Advice
M. Anger answers your questions about anything and everything. In today’s column: Dead pets, angry mothers, drunks, and debt.
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The Magic Youth
The Magic Youth has a terrifying history. It was first translated in the early 16th century by Chinese philosopher Ling Ping. One day Ping was playing paper dragons in his back yard with his grandfather when he stubbed his toe on a stone slab which stuck out from the grass. He unearthed this slab, and […]
Kids these days don’t have enough to do. They play hooky from school during the day and cause a ruckus as they drag race their hotrods down main street at night. What can be done to combat this teenage menace? Let me tell you: Make street gangs legal. What’s that you say? Gangs aren’t illegal? […]
By Henry Part 1 of this guide, I talked about a bunch of different drugs (Heroin, Marijuana, LSD, and Mushrooms) and gave you advice on whether or not you should take them. In this portion I’ll let you in on the secrets of a few more drugs, and also give you a coupon code you […]
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Folk Weddin’ Wisdom
Here is a quick horrible little article I wrote off the top of my head in about 40 seconds. It’s about some old-timey sayings that mentally unstable people might use as guides for what to do about weddings. I also put my responses to them. It’s sort of like a rap battle, except that it […]
By M. Anger I have been married approximately 0 times in my short life, so I pretty much know all there is to know about weddings. I am a giving person by nature, so I felt it would only be right to share my vast knowledge of marriage with the common man (you). The idea […]
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Socks & Sandals: Retribution
By Jones Satan. Beelzebub. Steve. The Dark One has many names and many faces, all of which are intended to deceive the common man. If ever it comes to pass that you find yourself locked into a life or death battle with this specter of evil, I can give you but one piece of advice: […]
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Worthless Guide To Funerals
Do you enjoy funerals? If not, then this is the guide for you! If so…I’m not sure what your deal is. That is pretty weird. I mean, I guess one could be enjoyable if it was the funeral of someone you really hated, but…well, I’m really getting ahead of myself here. Probably just go ahead […]
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Suicide & San Francisco
By Jones When I heard you were planning to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, I got sort of annoyed. See, I read somewhere that so far 1,300 people have already killed themselves this way. Would it kill you to try something original for once in your life? I mean, so […]