VOONT

It has been said that the search for extraterrestrial life is 10% hard work and 90% luck. One man could spend his entire life gazing at the stars, seeing nothing, while another could glance up from his book for half a second only to be set upon by gangs of interstellar rowdies who beat him with […]

So now you’ve finally found a job and applied for it, what’s next? Why the interview process of course! Many people discount the importance of a good interview. “Pshaw,” they might be heard to remark as they slip on their favorite pair of torn purple Zubaz and a sweatstained Atlanta Braves baseball cap, “I ain’t […]

As many of you may well know, I’m a filthy whore for charity. Seriously, it can be a real problem. I just can’t seem to stop giving; it’s ridiculous! But anyway, I just thought I’d let everyone know about the latest charity I’m supporting is The United Way. You’ve probably heard of them, they’re a […]

Finding ways to say hello to others a burden which even the most antisocial of us must bear at some point in our lives. Some people utilize a standard “classic” greeting such as “Hi” or “Hello”, while others go with more original material such as “Ahoy hoy!”, “What’s up rapey?” or “Nice ass, mind if […]

Let’s say you’ve been doing the same job for 20 years. And then let’s say that one day for some reason you got the overwhelming urge to take a dump in the sink of the executive washroom, and that for some reason you actually decided to act upon that urge, and then for some reason […]

There are many types of men. There are ingenious men, effeminate men, chessplaying men, steel-driving men, and men who play electric guitars. Some men wear derby hats and play pingpong, and others comb their filthy sideburns while whistling tunelessly. It’s a hell of a thing. I think my point is that it would be pointless […]

As someone who most people would consider to be pretty annoying, I’m in a good position to know what’s bothersome and what isn’t. So I’ve decided to go through a few little things in videogames which annoy me. This is stuff that developers should easily be able to fix, but they’re either too stupid, or […]

So yeah, I definitely don’t have any idea what The Flying Nun is. The words “The Flying Nun” reside somewhere deep in my psyche, and when I hear someone speak them (in that order) I feel a small surge of recognition (as in: Oh, that’s a thing which I am aware of the existence of) […]

Most people reading this aren’t going to have a clue what the Jersey Devil is. But that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You’re here to learn. At least I hope you are. Because if you aren’t, this eighteen cent grant the federal government gave me to research on the Jersey Devil is just going to […]

Facts about worms: 1. Worms have two hearts; yet they refuse to experience love. 2. Worms do not have eyes; their lives are filled with unseen terrors. 3. Worms have teeth; if provoked, it is possible for a worm to bite a human. 4. Worms begin to drown in soil when it rains; they squirm […]

By Tommy Perkins I dont think my granpa Carvello likes black people much. Every time were in the car and a black guy even comes close he presses the button so the door locks real quick. one time I asked: hey granpa why did you do that anyhow and he says: You know you got […]

FADE-IN   CONSTRUCTION SITE – WIDE SHOT – DAY Walker’s truck is shown entering GLEN COVE CONSTRUCTION site. Three CONSTRUCTION TOUGHS mill around out front, kicking at dirt and leaning against various objects. WALKER exits his DUSTY AMERICAN TRUCK and approaches them. WALKER: I’m a Texas Ranger, do any of you boys know where I […]