Open on the interior of a small log cabin. MA is at the stove, stirring a large steaming pot. APRIL lies on one of the beds reading a book. The front door bangs open and snow billows in as PA enters, wearing his polarbear-skin coat and carrying a small chunk of wood. His beard is […]
I awoke to the aroma of freshly-ground coffee. I could tell it was expensive coffee due to the way it smelled: Expensive. It made sense, of course. Only the finest coffees would be permitted in the mansion of infamously-handsome sex playboy Rick Mexico. I let out a sigh and began to reminisce about the countless […]
I took a deep breath, rang the doorbell, and smoothed out my skirt. This was it. I was about to meet the man of my dreams. The door opened, revealing an extraordinarily handsome man in a white leather three piece suit. He extended his hand, “Hello, I’m eccentric billionaire Rick Mexico. I made my fortune […]
Tell me, friend: Are you BORED of traditional poetry? Have you grown TIRED of rhyme, meter, and verse? Do you sometimes FLY into howling rages and embark upon methamphetamine-fueled, multistate child-disembowelment sprees upon discovering poetry books on your bookshelf? If so, then listen closely, because I’m about to share a revolutionary, lifechanging product that will […]
A while ago I build a standup comedian robot who has the ability to tell great jokes. Here is his latest set. Sorry it’s all in caps but it is the way robots write. Hope you like great jokes. COMEDY INTRO GREETINGS HUMANS. WERE I ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THE EMOTION KNOWN AS PLEASURE, MY BEING […]
“Ah, this is the life,” I said, settling into my easy chair and taking a sip of orange drink, “Not a care in the world.” I glanced at the clock; 6:04. The show had already begun. Grinding my teeth in anticipation, I flipped on the television. A fierce battle sequence erupted on screen. I rocked […]
The Magic Youth has a terrifying history. It was first translated in the early 16th century by Chinese philosopher Ling Ping. One day Ping was playing paper dragons in his back yard with his grandfather when he stubbed his toe on a stone slab which stuck out from the grass. He unearthed this slab, and […]
Chapter 2,223 Detective Trevor Whipple sat at his desk eating a sandwich. Suddenly there came a knock on his office door. “Who is it?” asked the detective, wiping the blood from his mouth and setting the severed head down gently. “It’s Daniel,” said a voice outside the door. The Detective stood and pulled up his […]