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CYOA Life of Crime

Command Him To Blow His Own Brains Out

Your eyes filled with hatred and metaphorical flame, you reach into the criminal’s mind and give him the command to blow his own head off. He stands for a moment, as if processing the order. “Error. The First Law of Robotics states that no robot shall destroy itself, even if ordered by his master.” He […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Command Him To Shoot At The Cops To Cover Your Escape

You reach deeply into the criminal’s mind; into his very essence. Once inside, you flip a couple brain switches and transform him into an unthinking murderer. You also decide to have a little fun and decide it would be neat to have him shout in German while he’s killing. You figure since he doesn’t really […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Forget The Man & Create A Fun Party For The Police

Tightening your grip on the man’s throat, you whoop and swing him into the air. “Halt!” cry the police officers, “Drop him go or we’ll fire!” You hurl the surprised bank robber easily up onto the roof. You hear gunshots and bullets piff into the ground nearby. Shaking your head you get to your feet […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Toss The Bank Robber At The Police Chopper

You visualize the criminal’s body in your mind’s eye, and then imagine it lifting from the ground. You hear a shout, and look up to see him hovering there in front of you, kicking his feet. “Now fly my monkeys, fly!” you cry, swinging your arm towards the chopper. As if attached to some invisible […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Conjure Some Otherworldly Creatures From Thin Air

You take a step back and crouch low to the ground, pressing your palms together above your head. Your pupils whiten and the air pressure in the area seems to drop. The sky takes on a deep purplish hue, and blood red storm clouds roll in from all directions, blotting out what remains of the […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Try To Use Mind Control Powers On Him

You close your eyes and place two fingers to your forehead for effect. You then point the open palm of your other hand towards the man. “Ohhhaammayammmooohhamnnn.” You say, spouting the first gibberish that comes into your head. “What the hell is this crap?” the man says. “Mine mine mine mine, your mind is mine.” […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Give Up For No Apparent Reason

You smack your lips and stretch. You’ve never felt more relaxed in your life. Flipping off your shoes, you stretch out on the soft grass and close your eyes. In seconds the police are upon you, screaming and drawing their guns. “Hey hey…” you mutter, “what’s is all this racket? Can’t you see I’m trying […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Stretch Out On The Grass & Try To Sleep

You smack your lips and stretch. You’ve never felt more relaxed in your life. Flipping off your shoes, you stretch out on the soft grass and close your eyes. In seconds the police are upon you, screaming and dwaring their guns. “Hey hey…” you mutter, “what’s is all this racket? Can’t you see I’m trying […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Prance Towards Him & Grab Him By The Throat

“Well fiddly-dee-dee!” you cry, tilting your head to one side and throwing your hands into the air. You mime holding a tophat and cane, high stepping down the sidewalk towards the man. “Keep away from me, do you hear? Keep away from me, you…you freak!” He shouts as you dance nearer. He rasises his gun […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Let Him Rob The Bank & Attempt To Steal The Money From Him Outside

You watch as the teller nervously fills some bags with cash and then hands them over to the crook, who then squeezes off a round at the him, striking him in the shoulder. “That’s for making me wait.” The crook sneers. “Yowch!” says the teller. The robber strides out the front entrance. Moving quickly, you […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Live Out The Rest Of Your Life As A Nameless Loser

You turn walk past the man and into a vacant office, where you close and lock the door. The man then robs the bank. Your life continues pretty much as it always has. A few months later you get bored of working at the bank and get it in your head to quit. You never […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Live Out Your Life As A Schnook

You turn walk past the man and into a vacant office, where you close and lock the door. The man then robs the bank. Your life continues pretty much as it always has. A few months later you get bored of working at the bank and get it in your head to quit. You never […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Live Out Your Life As A Nobody

You turn walk past the man and into a vacant office, where you close and lock the door. The man then robs the bank. Your life continues pretty much as it always has. A few months later you get bored of working at the bank and get it in your head to quit. You never […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Come Crashing Through The Window

Since you’re apparently some sort of psychotic, you decide to smash through the window of your place of employment for no good reason at all. You find a window that looks promising and hit it dead center. You crash through, landing on your feet and sliding across the floor in a hail of glass while […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Land In The Group Of People

You take a deep breath and set down right in the middle of a large group of Sunday churchgoers. “Yarrrgggh!” You say. A middle-aged man yells and topples backwards onto a fire hydrant. They children scream and quickly scatter, a few scrambling under parked cars while the others disappear over a nearby hill. An old […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Shake Your Fist At The Spacecraft

As you fall, you turn towards the spacecraft and begin to shake your fist at it. “You lousy martians!” you shout, “You’ll rue the day you inexplicably granted me a number of potentially spectacular but as of yet undisclosed superpowers!” You then fall for a time, eventually crashing down on some poor urban family’s cheap […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Attempt To Fly

You wonder if the aliens granted you the power of flight. The moment this thought crosses your mind, you begin to fly. “Wheeee! It’s a holiday miracle!” You shout for some reason. You fly for a few minutes, and then shrug. It isn’t too thrilling. You slow to a hover, spit the bugs out of […]

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CYOA Life of Crime

Choose Your Own Adventure: A Life Of Crime

It is a particularly fine summer evening. You are taking a shortcut through a field of wheat, on the way to your job at the bank. Suddenly you feel a tremendous pressure in your eardrums and a white light envelops you. You are lifted, struggling, into the belly of a spacecraft. An alien approaches and […]

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Junk List

Top 10 Rock & Roll Albums of All Time

  Those of you who know me best will agree that I have one passion and one passion only: Rock & Roll. My naughtiest fantasy is to climb into a hotrod, crank up my fave rock radio station to full, and cruise down the coast, honking at thick & juicy honeys while bobbing my head […]