Monster Cables Rule!

As a fully certified and 100% accredited A/V equipment Artificer, I’ve
always known deep in my heart that Monster Cables were an amazing
value. What I didn’t realize is HOW amazing. I’ve conducted a
good deal
of research on home theatering during the many years that I’ve spent
serving my country as a technical videosystem and speaker wire
installer, but I had never looked into Monster Cables in-depth. That
is, until a year ago when I happened to come across Monster’s premier
DVI cable with 24 Karat Gold Contact Connectors at a local Best Buy.
Needless to say, I was more than a little impressed! Gold is normally
quite expensive, but this cable was being sold for under $100! I
purchased three of them without hesitation.

I arrived home, hooked one up to my monitor, and turned it on. Upon
seeing what was on the screen, I nearly soiled myself with glee. Not
only was the image crystal clear, but my monitor was displaying more
colors than ever, colors I didn’t even know existed! And not only that,
but my games and videos ran faster than ever. It was glorious. Ever
since that day, I haven’t allowed anything BUT Monster Cables
in my
home. It was the best decision I ever made, and in the following
article I hope to share with you my reasons for this.

Why Monster Cables?

Monster Cables Rule - Bentley
This is the most common question I hear about Monster, and I have to
say it upsets me. Why not apply this same formula to other luxury
items: Why buy a Ferrari? Why get room service at the world renowned
Plaza Hotel? Why hire a full time au pair to raise your child instead
of raising them yourself?

This sort of argument patently absurd. You
wouldn’t fault a well-to-do man for purchasing a $800,000 dollar car,
so why scoff at him for buying a $400 HDMI cable? It’s the same
concept. Monster Cable is simply offering a superior product to a
superior consumer, and that’s certainly no crime!

It’s fairly simple: If you cannot afford a Monster cable, you must
either pull yourself to a higher economic plain, or be learn to be
content with the pathetic strings of shoe rubber and junk tin that you
and the rest of the rabble can “afford”.

What Makes Monster Products so Fantastic?

While I could certainly go on for pages about what makes this company
so great, I think I’ll just let the products speak for themselves.
Let’s take a look at 3 of the best Monster products I could find.
(Prices and availability are subject to change. You can’t expect great
value to last forever!)

Monster
35 Foot Component Video Cable – $600

Having recently decided to keep my DVD player in the basement and run
the cables up though my heating ducts to the living room TV, I was
super glad to have found this cable! No longer will I have to worry
about moving my arm slightly to press a button on the remote, I’ll
simply walk across the house and down the stairs whenever I want to
pause a movie! Check out the manufacturers specs on this bad boy:

Works with HDTV

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve brought home a component cable
only to find that it wasn’t compatible with my high-end television,
VCR, or surround sound system. Luckily these Monster cables are
specially engineered by Europeans to ensure that they work with most
standard plugs. Talk about useful!

Nitrogen-injected Dielectric

For all you AV amateurs out there: A Nitrogen-based build is ESSENTIAL
to high definition video matter transferance. If you don’t have it, the
pulse wave width ducks out after only a few minutes and you get nothing
but static. Before I found this cable, I purchased two different brands
of 20$ of component video cables, but much to my chagrin, they only
displayed half as many pixels! So I got smart and got this cable for
only $580 more and I can now see the whole image. That’s the last time
I skimp on quality. Thanks monster!

Lifetime Warranty

Over the past six months I must have gone through hundreds (if
not thousands) of video cables. They either snap, melt, burn down
portions of my home, or just plain stop working. Luckily, with
Monster’s signature Lifetime Guarantee, you don’t have to worry about
replacing another cable again. You certainly don’t get that with the
cheapo cables!

Fantastic Value

If 35 feet isn’t long enough for you, why not purchase the 50 foot
cable for $122 less:

That’s how committed to Monster Cable is to value:
You get more…for less!

Monster
4 Meter Coaxial Cable – $30

You may think thirty dollars is expensive when it comes to coaxial
cables, For example, have a look at this
non-monster cable.

4 dollars for a 15 footer? Sounds like somebodies got a case of the
“low quality worksmanships”! Sites like this often like to brag about
how they undercut monster cable by so many hundreds of dollars. That
may be true, but at what cost? That’s right, picture quality. So sure,
go right ahead and buy the “cheap” coaxial cable, but don’t come crying
to me when the amplitude of your 4 pin compression gets all out of sync.

What else makes monster coax cables superior? Here are just a few
things.

Low-Loss Dielectric For Efficient Transmission
Of Video Signals
&
Enhanced Signal Integrity

This might sound like a whole lot of doublespeak and mumbo-jumbo to the
average consumer, but take it from me: You do NOT want to buy a coaxial
cable without a Low-Loss Dielectric.

For one thing, a lower loss means a higher transmission rate, which
translates to higher bits per pixel (meaning more D.A.S. resumption).
Secondly, because of the enhanced signal integrity, you’ll hear clearer
highs, lower lows, and more breathy midtones in the audio than you
would with a standard coax cable. The reason for this is the doubling
of the waveform that the Low-Loss Dieletric allows! Not to mention the
money you’ll save by switching over to Monster brand coax! Because of
the lower signal leakage levels, your cable bill will be substantially
lower at the end of each month!

Patented 24K Gold Contact Connectors
For Enhanced Signal Transfer
&
Corrosion Resistance

I swear, the next time I arrive to fix the cable in some old broad’s
house and find a pair of corroded connectors, I’m gonna shit. No matter
how many times you tell these people, it never sinks in: IF
YOU’RE
GOING TO GET CHEAP CONTACT CONNECTORS YOU HAVE TO BATHE YOUR CABLE IN
AN ALKALINE BATH AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH OR THEY WILL CORRODE. How
hard
is that to understand? Apparently too hard, because I see this all the
time.

Just one more reason to suggest Monster Coaxial. With the patented gold
connectors you can always rest assured you’re getting the smoothest and
most tempered signal possible from your VCR or cable provider, without
the messy alkaline baths.

Rubber “O” Ring Gripno-Slip Design Allows Easy
Connector Handling

You might not think this is important, but every year tens of Americans
are strangled, lacerated, or impaled because of improper handling of
coaxial cables. Monster’s patented “O” Ring Grips make coaxial cable
safer and easier to handle. In counties in which its use is mandated,
coaxial related injuries dropped a record 4%. Talk to your
congressperson about instituting these sanctions in your area today.

Monster Cables Rule - THX Speaker Stands

Monster
THX Select Certified Speaker Stands – $350

People who don’t know about audio might balk at the idea of paying $350
for speaker stands, but true audioficionados know the sway that these
seemingly innocuous pieces of wood hold over your head crevasses. It’s
a simple equation. Better stands means more stability, and thus: Better
sound quality.

And not only that, but what happens if you’ve got some high-end
speakers but decide to couple them with some low quality plyboard or
metal stands? That’s right, those babies are gonna go flying backwards
the first time there’s even a hint of bass. They might punch a hole
through your wall, they might punch a hole through your floor, you
never know. Hell, they might even fly out the window and crush some
poor kid’s skull, and then where’ll you be? That’s right, you’ll be
doing a nickel up at Leavenworth with a sphincter the size of a wiffle
ball. All because you were too dumb to recognize the importance of good
quality speaker stands. It’s enough to make you sick.

Here are a few more of these stands’ great features.

Modern, aluminum extrusion adds support and attractiveness to THX
Speakers

How many times has this happened to you? You buy a brand new pair of
speaker stands, put your speakers on them, and they collapse,
destroying a beloved family pet or elderly relative. Happens all the
time. Well not so with aluminum extrusion my friend. By my estimates,
these stands can each hold up 6 speakers each without so much as
breaking a sweat. I dare you to try that with some stand you bought at
Walmart.

Metal carpet spikes help reduce unwanted vibrations

Unwanted speaker vibration is the leading cause of carpet damage in the
northern United States. Did you know that? Of course you didn’t,
because you were too concerned with saving a dollar to do any real
research on anything, you cheap piece of garbage.

Provides optimal listening height for THX Speakers

You’d be surprised how many times I respond to a complaint of “poor
sound quality” and arrive to find that the homeowner has either mounted
his speakers 30 feet in the air or under floorboards, or in neighbor’s
home. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that speakers need to be
at a certain height and location. Luckily, Monster has done the work
for you with these black beauties. Just open the box, and you’re good
to go.

Final Words

Well everyone, I hope I’ve been able to sell you on the virtues of
Monster Cabling for your home or office. If not, I hope you’ll take the
time to do a bit of research on your own before you make your final
judgment. It’d be a shame if something happened to your TV because of
faulty cables.

A damn shame.

Photos
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Why Monster Cables?

What Makes Monster Products so Fantastic?

Monster 35 Foot Component Video Cable – $600