to the second installment of the 78th Annual “I Give Awards to Shitty
Daytime Talk Show” Awards. The wonderful program I have singled out for
praise this time around is Ricki Lake. If you are unfamiliar with the
show you can find everything you need to know about it here,
but this really isn’t necessary. After looking over this list you’ll
likely have a better understanding of what the show was all about than
most of the web-footed inbreds who watched it.
The
most interesting I found while browsing through lists of episodes is
that the writers over at Ricky must’ve had something of an “Let’s all
take 10 grams of Mushrooms and make pretend like we’re R. Kelly” mindset
when it came to naming their shows. Which is to say: They really
enjoyed coming up with weird-ass urban limerick excerpts and clumsy
sexualized half-puns. So consider this fair warning that list contains
plenty of things like “Cut All the Drama. You Aint Nuthin but a Fat
Hoochie Momma” and “Your Nasty Addiction Will Make Me Your Ex… Today
You Choose Me or Cybersex”.
Ugh.
to the second installment of the 78th Annual “I Give Awards to Shitty
Daytime Talk Show” Awards. The wonderful program I have singled out for
praise this time around is Ricki Lake. If you are unfamiliar with the
show you can find everything you need to know about it here,
but this really isn’t necessary. After looking over this list you’ll
likely have a better understanding of what the show was all about than
most of the web-footed inbreds who watched it.
The
most interesting I found while browsing through lists of episodes is
that the writers over at Ricky must’ve had something of an “Let’s all
take 10 grams of Mushrooms and make pretend like we’re R. Kelly” mindset
when it came to naming their shows. Which is to say: They really
enjoyed coming up with weird-ass urban limerick excerpts and clumsy
sexualized half-puns. So consider this fair warning that list contains
plenty of things like “Cut All the Drama. You Aint Nuthin but a Fat
Hoochie Momma” and “Your Nasty Addiction Will Make Me Your Ex… Today
You Choose Me or Cybersex”.
Ugh.
The “Violence Towards & Relating To Children” Award
3rd Place
I Use Belts, Sticks, Paddles to Discipline Our Kid, Got a Problem with That?
2nd Place
Help! My Teen Beats Me Up!
1st Place
Girl You’re Pregnant… Stop Your Fist Fighting
The “Simply Stating The Facts” Award
3rd Place
You Got Off Welfare – Big Deal
2nd Place
Yeah, I Drink and Drive with My Kids [What of It?]
1st Place
Mom, We’re Black
The “Shoplifter’s Choice” Award
I’m a Booster so I Steal, Stop Your Trippin’ Shoplifting’s No Big Deal
The “You Came All The Way Here For That Shit?” Award
2nd Place
You Teased Me When I Was Fat & Round
1st Place
You Screamed Another Name While Making Love to Me
The “Puzzling Misappropriation of Lesbianism” Award
2nd Place
Back Off! You’re a Lesbian . . .
1st Place
Straight Women Who Can’t Resist Lesbian Studs: a Ricki Exclusive!
The “Gangland Sweetheart” Award
2nd Place
We’re Family in Rival Gangs…But My Gang Comes First
1st Place
Gang Girls with Babies
The “Ass Like a Burlap Sack Full of Cottage Cheese” Award
3rd Place
Watch Out! I’m 400 Pounds and Lookin’ Hot
2nd Place
Your Bulgin’ Thighs Are Hurtin’ My Eyes. Cover Up Girl!
1st Place
Girl You Must Be Trippin’… You’re too Fat to Be Strippin’
The “Ability to Utilize The Word ‘Weave’ In an Supremely Ridiculous Fashion” Award
2nd Place
Weave Wars II
1st Place
My Style is Magical, Yours is Tragical…I’m the True Diva of the Weave
The Ruth Bader Ginsburg Award for Excellence in The Recognition of Women’s Rights in Broadcasting
Quit Complaining And Get Back In The Kitchen…You’re My Woman, You’re Not Getting A Job!
The Ruth Bader Ginsburg Award for Excellence in The Recognition of The Existence of Vampires in Broadcasting Award
I Hate That You Sleep In Coffins And Hang Out In Cemetries…Quit Being A Vampire!
Thank you so very much for reading this week’s awards, and be sure and check your local listings for the Ricki Lake Show!