my god. What is wrong with you people? Why on earth are you purchasing
all those homeopathic remedies? Stop wasting your money on homeopathy!
It’s really starting to get on my nerves!
Hey! I saw
you sneaking those homeopathic remedies in next to the real pills;
don’t think I didn’t notice that! That doesn’t BELONG there. That isn’t
MEDICINE. Get rid of it! Put it in the zen health food store, or the
yoga foundry, or the new-age bakery, or wherever it is you people go
these days. Maybe Whole foods. Yeah. Take that shit out behind a Whole
Foods and dump it. I want the alley behind that store to look like the
Salvation Army! And the next time I’m in a pharmacy I had better not see
anymore bottles of Zicam next to the NasalCrom. If I do, I’m going
to go ape. I mean it. I will tear that store apart. Now if you’ll
excuse me, I’ve got an article about homeopathy to write poorly.
my god. What is wrong with you people? Why on earth are you purchasing
all those homeopathic remedies? Stop wasting your money on homeopathy!
It’s really starting to get on my nerves!
Hey! I saw
you sneaking those homeopathic remedies in next to the real pills;
don’t think I didn’t notice that! That doesn’t BELONG there. That isn’t
MEDICINE. Get rid of it! Put it in the zen health food store, or the
yoga foundry, or the new-age bakery, or wherever it is you people go
these days. Maybe Whole foods. Yeah. Take that shit out behind a Whole
Foods and dump it. I want the alley behind that store to look like the
Salvation Army! And the next time I’m in a pharmacy I had better not see
anymore bottles of Zicam next to the NasalCrom. If I do, I’m going
to go ape. I mean it. I will tear that store apart. Now if you’ll
excuse me, I’ve got an article about homeopathy to write poorly.
Homeopathy Defined
According to the The National Center for Homeopathy, the definition of Homeopathy is as follows:
| OOH, look at us! We do homeopathy! We believe in Maaaa-gic! Blah-blah blah blah, it’s all because of the law of similars, woo woo woo, disease is manifestations of evil spirits, dee dee dee, …it’s been around for two hundred years! Doot-de-doot-de-doo, utilize your gag reflex, la-de-da-de-da, it’s a complex system of medicine, a-rooty-toot-toot: Fuuuuck Me. Signed, A Bunch of Homeopaths |
So there you have it, the definition of homeopathy. Goodnight.
Hey..Wait a Minute, That Was Just Nonsense That Didn’t Explain Anything!
Alright,
alright, I guess you’re right. I’m sorry. Here is a mathematical proof
which I found on the website for The Center For Homeopathic Advancement
showing that homeopathy is true. That should make things more clear.
1. Diseases are bad ghosts that hurt people because they are mean.
2. Medicine sort of works to kill the ghosts, but it isn’t good for you to take medicine (harms your body).
3. Science Fact: If you use less of something it always works much better.
4. So: You use much less medicine and the ghosts will be killed even faster (and the medicine won’t hurt you).
5. This is how homeopathy works! You dilute a substance thousands of times
until it dissapears, then drink it for a cure. You can’t go wrong!
Real World Example
Here’s a scenario demonstrating how homeopathy helps a cancer patient when modern medicine fails.
DOCTOR: Here miss, have some of this cancer pills!
PATIENT: The cancer didn’t go away and now my stomach hurts and my hair come out YOU IDIOT, DOCTOR.
HOMEOPATHER (coming in the room): Never fear homopathy is here! Medicine is for
losers homeopath is for the winners now take this 30C dilution of Robin
Egg and birch plants!
DOCTOR: Whats all this nonsense.
PATIENT: Sounds good like nature! Yump! (takes the homeopills). Ooooh!!! I can feel the health inside me, growing…
CANCER GHOST (flying out of patient): Aeeeiiiiiii! Noooooo!
HOMEOPATHER: Take that you stupid ghost.
Doctor: Who even knew that could happen.
Patient: Homeopathy is the greatest.
Zicam: Homeopathic Wonder!
One
of the most popular homeopathic remedies is called Zicam. The idea
behind it is fairly simple, IN THEORY. The “company” who “manufacters”
Zicam puts some “zinc” in a nose dropper thing, and people snort it
when they “feel like they might get a cold”, and the zinc “cures” the
“cold” before it “starts”. Or, if you take it after your cold has
already started, it “shortens the duration” of it (the “cold” that is).
Ookkkay,
interesting theory I suppose, except that YOU CANT PREDICT WHEN
YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET A COLD. I’ve seen a lot of people who use Zicam
claiming that they can recognize cetain “telltale symptoms” or “warning
signs” which come the day before they get a cold. These include things
like: “a strange feeling in the back of my throat”, “I felt funny and
knew a cold was coming on”, “I have a sore throat because something
huge got shoved down there”.
So they recognize these
symptoms, conclude that they must be coming down with a cold, and
take some Zicam. Wouldn’t you know it, the next morning they wake up
and sometimes they don’t have a cold. Sure, sometimes they DO, but then
they can just claim it was less severe than it would’ve been if they
wouldn’t have taken any Zicam.
Except HOW THE HELL DO YOU
EVEN KNOW YOU WERE GETTING A COLD IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU IDIOTS.
Sometimes I get a sore throat at night and think “uh-oh I might be
coming down with a cold” so I drink some water, sit at the computer
watching episodes of Kung-Fu: The Legend Continues for a few hours, and
then go to sleep. And hmm…sometimes I wake up the next morning
without a cold, and sometimes I don’t. So THIS JUST IN: Kung-Fu: The
Legend Continues is just as effective as Zicam at curing colds! Jesus
christ. How dumb can people get.
And Last But Not Least…
Zicam Also Causes You To Lose Your Sense of Smell
Whoops!
Heh, sorry about that guys! At least you probably might not have gotten
a cold you may or may not originally have gotten in the first place,
right?
